Trust is a Hard Thing to Provide
by BlackIris999
Summary: Lily Evans's Seventh Year of Hogwarts. James is trying to win her per usual, Lily is having some serious mood swings, Sirius and Mary are trying to do something to help that, and not to mention Voldemort's rise. Makes for a pretty crazy year. Read&review!
1. The Beginning of it All

**Hello! Okay this is an idea I've had for awhile and I felt the need to get some feedback on it! So please read and review it! Not everything may be accurate but I'm really sorry about that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any HP- it's all Rowlings!**

Lily Vivian Evans sat under her favorite Willow Tree on the northern area of the lake that was part of the Hogwarts grounds. She stared absently across the lake to where the Giant Squid was lazily basking in the warm sun. It was a beautiful day: the sun was shining with not one cloud in the deep blue sky. Birds were twittering and the students were enjoying the first great day of spring. Lily was immune to all of this as she sat contemplating her terribly confusing thoughts. Her sparkling, bright green eyes were glazed over as the wind took a whisp of her hair into its grasp. Her pale skin was recieving welcoming rays from the sun and her fingers were plucking grass mindlessly.

Her head was a tangle of thoughts and it took much effort to pick one out of the bunch and focus on that only. She sighed as she thought about the past year and what was to happen next year when she wouldn't have to safe walls of Hogwarts surrounding her. She shuddered and suddenly the day turned cold as she focused on the past year; her last year at Hogwarts.

* * *

The Hogwarts express stood gleaming and shining in the station. Its bright red paint was as smooth as always while the golden colored manuscript that read: Hogwarts Express, was plainly visible on its side. Smoke billowed out from around it singling that the train was getting ready to leave. Students were milling about platform 9 3/4, saying goodbye to families, seeing friends, and loading their trunks onto the train. Lily stood in the midst of the confusion taking it all in.

"Lily!" A loud shriek pierced through the rest of the noise as Lily turned around. "Alice!" The two friends embraced each other and began talking at the same time. They talked as if they hadn't seen each other in years, when, in reality, it had only been three days.

"Wow! Way to start the reintroductions without me!" Mary MacDonald huffed. She was notoriously bad at faking anger and sure enough she cracked and ran to hug her friends.

Alice Brhant was tall and gentle with chestnut colored hair that ended at her shoulders. Her violet colored eyes produced an unusual effect on the people she talked to, for they couldn't seem to look away. They especially seemed to captivate a boy by the name of Frank Longbottom. Overall Alice was considered very pretty and had a certain strong appearance about her.

Mary on the other hand was considered to have a wild beauty. She was a tiny thing with an attitude. She had blonde hair that flowed halfway down her back and sparkling brown eyes. Whenever she smiled, five dimples appeared on different parts of her face. Just as her appearance, Mary found it very hard to stay focused on her schoolwork. In addition to that, Mary was bossy, loud, and sometimes annyoing. Most boys overlooked that fact and pursued her anyway.

Seeing as Lily had said good-bye to her parents in the Muggle part of the train station and the other two had already said their good-byes, the three companions boarded the train still relating stories despite how recently they had seen each other. It took them a little while, but they managed to find an empty compartment. When Lily looked to see who was in the compartment across from them, she inwardly groaned. The four Marauders as they liked to call themselves, sat across from them talking and joking. The Marauders were made up of James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew.

James Potter was what most girls considered handsome. He had untidy black hair that never seemed to be able to be tamed, bright hazel eyes, a square jaw, and a muscular, strong build due to his regular Quidditch practices. If James Potter was handsome, he was nothing compared to the boy next to him: Sirius Black.

Sirius had shaggy black hair that fell across his forehead and piercing gray eyes that did not match his personality in any shape or form. He had a strong build like James but not as much muscle. Whereas James played for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Siruis did not. His personality in fact, was just the opposite of his name. Sirius was known for being practically worshiped by girls. The girls couldn't get enough of him. They loved him, they laughed over the stupid pranks he pulled, congradulated him on the way he and James joked around, and especially the way he snogged.

Remus Lupin was handsome in some aspects. His light brown hair was trimmed neatly so it did not grow any further than halfway down his forehead. His brown eyes always seemed a little wary and alert. He was tall but stooped ever so slightly, so that one had to really look to notice. Details were the handsome feature of Remus. When one did a quick look they noticed how ashen he looked. Remus was the least annoying person of the group and Lily found that she may have liked him the most if it wasn't for Sirius. He did however let James and Siruis get away with the stupid jokes that they did pulled.

The last Marauder, Peter Pettigrew, was not handsome in the least. He had wispy blonde hair and watery blue eyes. His voice always came out as a squeak and he rarely looked you in the eye, timid as he was. Peter was a bit overweight and suffered from a mild case of acne. Lily, couldn't for the life of her, figure out why the other three would even accept Peter. Lily herself couldn't stand him. He never did anything for himself and worshiped the other Marauders.

The Marauders were known for two main things. They pulled outrageous pranks on not only the students but some of the staff as well; They were led by James and Sirius who were the most sought after guys in the school.

Shaking her head to rid herself of the thoughts Lily quickly turned back to her friends so the Marauders wouldn't see her. It wasn't that she disliked them, well not all of them, but she would rather avoid an encounter. They were rarely seen individually. You usually saw them in pairs.

"See anything you like?" Mary teased. Lily hadn't noticed that someone was watching her and scowled at Mary.

"Hey I'm only teasing," Mary giggled and hopped onto a seat. "God I'm starved! Breakfast was so rushed this morning!"

It was Lily's turn to laugh. Ever since Mary's aunt and uncle had moved in with their family, things had been a little crowed at the MacDonald household. Her Aunt Mathilda had five children, which currently three out of the five attended Hogwarts. Getting to the station on time was a hassle enough.

"Don't worry, the trolley should be here soon." Alice's voice was muffled and strained as she tried to lift her trunk onto the rack. Out of the three of them Alice always had the biggest trunk.

"Here let me help." Lily went over and together the two of them tried to lift the trunk. Unfortunately Lily lost her grip as they both heaved and the trunk went clattering to the floor with a bang as Alice and Lily jumped out of the way. Both of them got up and glared at Mary who was consumed by a helpless fit of laughter.

"You guys-" She said as she caught her breath, "-that was the-" She collapsed into laughter again, "-the funniest thing I have ever seen!" She was laughing so hard that tears had come to her eyes.

"Is everything okay in here?" A voice came floating into the compartment. Lily, too busy being mad, didn't notice the door open. When she looked in that direction she rolled her eyes heavenward. "We heard a bang and wanted to make sure that everything was okay." James Potter walked into the compartment as if he owned the place.

"Um, this was not what we were expecting," Sirius Black strolled in after James. Mary was wiping tears from her eyes, Alice was sitting on a seat rubbing her foot, and Lily was glaring at everyone. Out of respect for their friend, Alice and Mary never took any particular intrest in any of the Marauders. James they knew, was to be seen as off- limits.

"We're fine," Alice answered getting up and shooting daggers at her trunk. "The trunk just fell."

James grinned and walked over to the trunk. With hardly a strain he lifted the trunk onto the rack.

Alice smiled gatefully, "Thanks!"

James shrugged it off.

"So Lily how was your summer?" Sirius inquired. He was smirking over some private joke that only he and Lily seemed to understand. Lily shot Sirius a look that he accepted unflinchingly.

"What happened?" Alice asked sensing the death waves Lily was giving Sirius.

"What is taking you guys so lo-" Remus came marching into the compartment then chuckled as he saw what was taking his friends so long but he was surprised to find Lily giving Siruis the look instead of James. The look was something that the boys came to associate with anger. Lily set her jaw and clenched and unclenched her fists. On top of that her eyes seemed to pierce you. It was a dreadful thing.

"Oh hello Moony! I was just asking Lily about her summer." Sirius sat in the chair opposite her as a look of understanding came over Remus.

"Sirius I warned you that she wasn't going to be happy."

"Oh come on Remus. I was just having fun."

"Having fun does not meaning pulling one of your outrageous pranks on my sister!" Lily snarled. "She nearly bit my head off! I couldn't stay in the same house with her for four days!_ Four days! _And in case you haven't noticed, Petunia isn't my number one fan!" Lily stood breathing heavily shaking a bit with her anger.

"Oh come off it Evans! You started laughing yourself! You thought it was damn near hilarious!" Sirius shouted right back. Lily looked ready to strangle him. She outstretched her hands and flew at Sirius.

"You were not there! You do not know what happened!" Luckily James grabbed her waist before she could any damage. "Get your hands off of me!" Lily wiggled out of his grasp and stormed out of the compartment. "I'll be at my Head's meeting!" She called coldly over her shoulder.

"Real smooth boys," Mary congratulated them sarcastically.

"She will get over it," James brushed it off.

"James come on we've got to go too," Remus interjected. James nodded and followed Remus out.

"Where are they going?" Alice asked.

"They're at their stupid Head's meeting," Sirius grumbled.

"I meant James and Remus not Lily."

"I told you. They went to their Head's meeting."

"Why is James going?"

Sirius grinned, "Dumbledore made him Head Boy." Alice and Mary both stared in shock but and burst out in laughter as they imagined what Lily's reaction would be.

"That is not going to be good," Mary commented.

"Not at all," Sirius agreed.

"So what exactly did you do to Lily over the summer?" Alice asked curiously.

Sirius barked out a laugh as he explained how he had sent Lily a big brown package that contained a Fanged Frisbee. Petunia had opened it thinking it was for her, not bothering to read the card. She fainted when the frisbee started flying around and finally bit her. Lily had written him a Howler lecturing him about how he would pay for what he had done. The girls gave each other slightly uneasy looks considering that Petuina probably hated Lily with a vengeance now. Sirius didn't miss the exchange. "What?" he asked.

"Well," Mary started trying to think of the best way to put this. "Lily and Petunia aren't exactly on the best terms. Actually they're on the worst of terms and Petunia hates Lily."

Sirius grimiced, "Well you should have seen the way she treated Lily when Lily got off the train." The girls waited for Sirius to elaborate but he never did.

"Do you guys mind if I come in considering I got ditched?" Peter Pettigrew stood at the doorway, hands in pockets.

"Why not Wormtail," Sirius said as he jerked his head to a seat next to Alice who smiled politely. This was going to be a long ride.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lily thought of the Head's meeting as an escape from the Marauders. She didn't know how wrong she was. As she started the meeting James and Remus came rushing in.

"Why are you here?" Lily spat at James. He didn't flash her his usual crooked grin, the one he reserved only for her.

"Well Evans if you didn't rush off so fast earlier I could have explained." Remus found a seat inconspicuously and started rubbing his temples for the fight that was sure to come.

"Explained what?" Lily asked starting to get mad.

"Didn't you hear?"

"Hear what Potter? In the name of Merlin's beard you better tell me or-" Lily was cut off as James hastily said, "I'm Head Boy." The prefects tensed as they waited for Lily's reaction. They were shocked to see her throw her head back and laugh hysterically. After a few moments Lily fell silent and saw James' bewildered look.

Her jaw dropped, "You can't be serious!"

"Actually Evans, I'm James."

Remus clutched his head and groaned. James and Sirius never got sick of that joke.

"Potter no one in their right mind would make you Head Boy," Lily slowly said, trying to convince herself that too.

"Well some say Dumbledore isn't quite right in his head but I think he's bloody brilliant."

Lily sat in her chair shocked as images ran through her head. James and her would have to patrol together, they would have to _work _together. Lily shook her head in utter disbelief. Seeing the other kid's reactions she regained control. Somewhat. Taking a deep breath she sat down and got back up again. "Okay let's get started..." Lily made it relatively short considering that the Prefects were only listening because they had to. When she dismissed them she stayed there for a bit longer to gain composure.

"Come on Lily, it's just Head Boy. It's not like he will abu-" Lily stopped in mid-sentence and rushed out of the compartement. Panting slighty as she reached her own she flew the door open and spat at James,

"Potter you better not abuse your power!"

"Come on Evans, me, abuse my power? What do you take me for?" James asked sarcastically. Chuckling he got up, patted her cheek, and walked out of the compartment. Lily was left standing there fuming.


	2. Home Sweet Hogwarts

**Hello it's me again! Thank you for reviewing sergeant puddlez and sums99! Haha I just love getting reviews(hint hint);)**

**Anyway I don't own any HP that's all Rowlings.**

**Read and Review!**

* * *

The rest of the train ride passed in a blur as the girls got ready to get off the train. They changed into robes and finished off the last of the treats off the trolley. When night finally fell the train pulled up to the station with a shuddering sigh. As the Prefects led the first years, Lily, Alice, and Mary found a carriage that took them up the long trek to the castle. They had to endure the ride with Peter as James and Sirius got on a carriage with several pretty Ravenclaws and Remus was helping with the first years. The silence pressed upon them uncomfortably as Alice tried politely to make a strained conversation.

The three of them breathed a sigh of relief when the carraige finally made it to the castle. The castle looked the same as every other year. The hundreds of windows glowed with a luminous welcome back twinkle, the turrents and sharp twists of the towers jutted out against the starry night sky, the huge lake rippled placidly, and the quiet stillness of the Quidditch pitch completed the rather welcoming change from Lily's mostly drab summer.

Lily breathed in deeply as excitement chorused through her veins. This was her last year and she was determined to make it her best. She followed the rest of the crowd up the stairs, seeing familiar faces and seeing some she wished she hadn't remembered. As she walked into the Great Hall she was met by the usual beginning of the year atmosphere. Hundreds of candles were lit above all of the tables, and the sky was clear with millions of stars dotting it. Lily gazed up at the replica of the sky and remembered the first time she saw it and how amazed by it she was. It still managed to fill her with a little sense of breathlessness. Beneath the enchanted sky there were the same four long house tables: Slytherin at the far left, Gryffindor at the far right, and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw in between.

Her eyes scanned the table in the front of the Hall. She saw Professor Slughorn, slightly plumper than usual, in robes of a flouresent green; Professor McGongall, with the same stern look as always, chatting idly to Professor Aria, the Astronomy teacher; Professor Flitwick, still as small as ever, trying to avoid the droning talk of Professor Kettleburn, the History of Magic teacher, who never failed to put anyone to sleep; and finally Professor Dumbledore. Dumbledore stood out like a sore thumb. His blue, star-speckled robes were loose at the arms, his brownish hair was turning a sliver color, and his intense blue eyes gazed down at the students from behind his half- moon spectacles.

"Come on Lily, we have to find a seat." Mary's voice snapped her out of her thoughts as Lily turned around and sat down next to Mary, Alice seated across from them. It took some time before Professor McGongall got up to fetch the first years but they were all gathered in the Hall soon enough. Once they were inside, one of the doors at the right of the Hall opened and Hagrid walked in. Hagrid was the groundskeeper for Hogwarts. He was huge. He was nearly twice the average size and weight as a normal man. His black hair stuck out in odd directions and his grizzly beard hid most of his face. Most apparent was his eyes that were so brown they could be black and so shiny they looked like little beetles peering at you from under his untidy mane.

For the most part the first year's pale faces looked down but some were braver than the others. They looked straight ahead and met the stares of the older students evenly. Professor McGongall came out of a door at the left side of the Hall with an old, dirty, dusty hat. When she put it on the stool, the seam connecting the top half to the brim, opened and burst into song.

_"Long ago there lived four founders of our school  
Who knew what it took in order to fool,  
Muggles of the area that there was no magic,  
Thus creating a safe place to practice_

_The magic of our kind was present in some more than others,  
And soon people rose up and behaved as if they were brothers,  
This created an unbreakable bond,  
That has lasted through the trudge of the murkiest pond._

_Now, in even the darkest times,  
We must unite with each other with unbreakable chimes.  
There is strength in numbers if we all come together,  
And only then can we blow the feather._

_The balance will tip and the darkness will fall,  
Just as it had in times when so strong was the call.  
Light will reign as never before,  
And a savior will come striding through this very door!"_

The Hall erupted into cheers and whistles for the Sorting Hat's new song. Very few understood the real meaning behind the confusing words. Lily was one of the ones that had and didn't clap so absorbed as she was in the meaning of the Hat's words. She knew the Dark Lord was rising to power quicker than ever before, but she didn't think the situation was really bad. "Now, even in the darkest times... there is strength in numbers," ran through Lily's head as she tried to grasp the severity of the situation. Seeing as nothing the Dark Lord had done had effected her personally, she found it hard to wrap her head around it.

Lily shook her head as she jolted herself out of her thoughts. "Vivir, Michelle," McGongall barked out as she rolled up her scroll.

Lily stared in shock, she hadn't thought she had tuned out for that long. The excitement of the Sorting quieted down as Dumbledore stood up.

"Let the feast begin," he said and clapped his hands.

Suddenly food appeared on the table filling the previously empty silver and gold plates. Alice, who was always the eater, plied her plate high with everything around her. Mary looked on enviously.

"Merlin, Alice. I don't know how you can eat that much and not gain an ounce!" Mary looked pitifully at her own plate. It had mashed potatoes and salad. "Oh to hell with it!" She started to grab as much as Alice had. Lily laughed and the three started chatting between mouthfuls.

"Lily, it still creeps me out how Snape looks at you like that," Mary had paused to take a breather from her vigorous eating.

Lily looked to where Mary indicated as Alice turned around. She had a point. Snape looked at her from underneath his greasy hair and long, dark eyelashes. The bags that stood out on his face gave his cheeks a hollow appearance. His skin was a waxy color as if he didn't receive enough sun over the break. Overall he looked pretty intimidating. Lily glared daggers at him until he looked away. Ever since fifth year the two had been on barely tolerated terms. Not that Snape hadn't tried to make friendship again. He tried nearly every day throughout all of last year. Lily had either ignored him or gave him a good choice of swear words. This year, with some unknown feeling, Lily knew he wouldn't be extending any kind of friendship towards her at all.

"Even when he looks away it seems like he's still looking." Alice shuddered and turned back around.

Soon the students were done eating their dinner and dessert appeared. When everything was finally done, Dumbledore stood up. The Hall quieted instantly except for a few whispering Slytherins. "Welcome to those of us who are new and welcome back to those who have returned. The same ground rules that have applied throughout the years remain the same. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden as always. There is no magic in the halls. Filch has posted a list of items allowed in Hogwarts and you would be wise to take a look at the list. Quidditch tryouts will be scheduled by the Captains so please consult them if you are looking to join."

Lily's eyes wandered down the Gryffindor table and soon found who was Captain. James Potter had a huge grin stretched across his face and when he caught Lily's eye he smiled and waved. His badge gleamed in the candlelight and Lily turned away; she did not want to think about James right now. She focused on the rest of Dumbledore's speech wondering if it would be as sereve as the Sorting Hat's had been.

"Dark times are upon us," Dumbledore started. "Darker times than ever before. Lord Voldemort is rising to power faster than any wizard ever has." At Voldemort's name nearly everyone in the Hall drew in a collective shudder. Some gasped and others turned as white as a sheet. Lily noticed that James had not and James had noticed Lily had not. When they caught each others eye Lily saw such a solemness in James' eyes that it surprised her. He gave her a look as if saying everything is going to be alright, nothing, _nothing_ is going to happen to you. Lily turned her gaze away. She stomach had turned a little at the intensity at which he gazed at her. She found herself believing that he could protect her. For a split second Lily found herself imaging what could happen. Images of James' arms around her, holding her close... A sharp pinch brought her back to reality.

Mary saw her start to drift off and jerked her head to Dumbledore. Lily blushed as if she had been caught doing something inappropriate. She pinched herself. Hard. _Who the hell does he think he is?_ Quickly she shut down any other images that concerned James Potter.

"Voldemort has been tearing witches and wizards apart one by one. Staying together will make it harder to bring us down. Keep your friends closer and make new ones. We will not go down without a fight. If we fight and bicker among ourselves we can tear each other apart. Put aside your differences aside and unite together."

At this statement Bellatrix Black let out a loud cackle from the Slytherin table. Sirius was restrained as he tried to get up.

"That's quite all right Sirius. Please sit back down," Dumbledore said. "Of course there are some of us who disagree but we can all still try," Dumbledore continued with a look at Bellatrix. "We must stop these foolish House riviarlies and consider what is really important. Now I bid you all a goodnight. I shall see you bright and early tomorrow morning!"

There was much shuffling in the Hall as the students all got up from their benches at the same time. "That was some speech!" Mary exclaimed as they walked out of the Great Hall.

"He enforced exactly what the Sorting Hat had said," Alice interjected.

Lily nodded, "Bellatrix had to open her mouth though."

"Psh, it's not like she didn't reflect what all of the other Slytherins were thinking. They all thought that what Dumbledore had said was a load of rubbish. They weren't buying any of it," Mary said darkly as her eyes narrowed. "The rivalries between the Houses aren't going to stop. Bellatrix laughing at Dumbledore made sure of that."

* * *

"Lily don't you have to patrol the halls tonight?" Alice asked when the three of them were filing up the staircase. Lily groaned. She had forgotten all about that.

"Did either of you two see where James went?"

"I think he's already in the Gryffindor Tower," Mary said yawing. Lily rushed ahead of her two friends and got there before them. Then she realized she didn't know the password.

"Password?" The Fat Lady asked.

"Ah..."Lily trailed off. How could she not remember the password? Luckily Remus Lupin chose that moment to walk out of the portrait hole. "Oh hello Lily," he said in surprise.

"Hi Remus. Do you happen to know the password?" Lily asked blushing.

Remus laughed, "It's Alberticus."

Lily smiled, "Thanks. Oh, wait, Remus!"

Remus turned around from the direction he was walking in, "Yes Lily?"

"Is James in the common room?"

Remus nodded and continued on his way again. Lily said the password to a somewhat irritated Fat Lady and walked into the common room. The room was big, airy, and circular. There was a big fireplace with a roaring fire, and squishy armchairs seated around it and at several of the wooden tables. The carpet was worn slightly thin and the older students milled around the room relaxing, the younger ones having already gone to bed. Lily saw James in his usual corner by the fire with Sirius and Peter.

She walked over to them. "Potter, we have to patrol tonight."

James looked up from where he was figuring something out on a piece of paper. "What?" he asked blankly running a hand through his hair. Usually this annoyed Lily because he only did it for her. This time however, she could see he was tired and did it from habit.

"Remember? You're Head Boy. We have to patrol," she repeated.

Comprehension dawned on his face. "Oh yeah, I guess you're right," he said while yawning. "Let's go."

Together they left the common room. "What time is it?" James asked yawning again.

"Ten o'clock," Lily said staring at him curiously.

"Like what you see?" James teased. Lily glared. Whenever she seemed to get a good insight as to who James could really be, he always ruined it by making some smart remark.

"I'm just kidding with you Evans, you do know that right?" James looked at her, candlelight reflecting off his glasses. Lily nodded and looked away not sure she really believed that.

They walked along some more in an uncomfortable silence. "How long do we have to patrol for anyway?" James asked looking out a window they were passing. The grounds were bathed in a soft glow from the moon. Shadows ran long as the moon rose higher. The tops of the trees in the Forbidden Forest shook and bent depending on where the wind decided to push them. Hagrid's cabin looked very picturesque with light flooding out of the windows and smoke puffing out of his chimney.

"Until midnight." Lily kept walking as James kept staring out the window. When James saw Lily wasn't going to wait for him he tore his gaze from the window and caught up with her. The rest of the patrol was done in silence. At every attempt at conversation that James had tried to make, Lily cut off with one worded answers. Sneaking glances out of the corner of her eye Lily saw that James didn't seem to mind. He walked along in a relaxed manner.

"There's only half an hour left," Lily said relived. Only thirty more minutes, she thought. Just thirty more minutes.

The half hour passed in yet again in silence until they finally made it back to the tower. At midnight the fire was nothing more than a pile of dying embers, twinkling and glowing as if they had somehow came alive. Lily made a beeline straight for the girl's dormitory. "Goodnight Evans," James called as she made her way up.

"'Night Potter," Lily called back. Try as she might she could not wipe the stupid little smile that had made it's way onto her face.


	3. And Life Goes On

**This is theee third chapter! It might be a little slow but don't give up on me yet! The story will pick up!**

**Disclaimer: all Rowlings!**

* * *

That night Lily dreamed of nothing. She awokened to the sound of Mary, fully dressed, humming quietly under her breath while flipping aimlessly in: "A Defensive Guide to the Dark Arts: Year Seven."

"Morning Lily," Mary chirped when she saw Lily stir. "It's gorgeous out!"

Lily sat up and rubbed the gunk from her eyes. Mary always got up early, in fact if it weren't for her, Alice and Lily would always be late for class. Lily stared out the window to the right of her. Warm light was pouring in through the thick glass panes. Lily smiled, she loved when it was sunny out in the morning.

"You want to wake her up or should I?" Mary jerked her head to the right of her where Alice lay asleep on the bed. Drool was coming out of her mouth, wetting her pillow, and her long pale arm dangled off the side of the bed, barely touching the floor.

"I will," Lily said quickly, getting up. She knew from past experiences that being awoken by Mary was not very pleasant. Living with her cousins for the past year had made Mary an expert on waking up people. Lily walked over to Alice and gently shook her. "Alice," Lily called trying to pull Alice from whatever dream she was having. When Alice did not so much stir Lily shook her again, harder. Still Alice did not wake.

Mary who had been watching from her bed got up. "Here, let me."

Before Lily could protest Mary took out her wand and jabbed Alice sharply in the leg. Sparks flew from the wand.

"What happened?" Alice jolted awake.

"Nothing, I just figured it was about time you woke up," Mary remarked.

Lily rolled her eyes as she headed to the bathroom knowing that a fight was sure to come. Alice was really grumpy in the morning. Lily showered and dressed and got ready for her first day of classes. When the three of them were ready, they made their way down to the Great Hall. Passing through the common room they saw it was nearly empty, most of the students already at breakfast. Sunlight streamed through the corridor windows as the three girls walked out of the common room.

Laughing, they reached the Great Hall just in time for the mail. Hundreds of owls flew above them varying in color from white to pure black. Hurridly the girls found a seat. A black owl that had been flying above them landed with a small hoot in front of Mary.

"Hello Night," she crooned feeding him some toast. She untied the note that had been on the bird's leg and unfurled it. Letting her gaze wander Lily caught sight of the sky above. It was littered with few coulds and the sky was a deep blue. It seemed that the summer was still trying to cling to the last few days it could. Lily looked down the table and saw the Marauders sitting huddled together. Her brow furred but before she could speculate what they were up to, she was interrupted by a snort from Mary.

"What?" Alice asked shoving porridge into her mouth.

"Listen to this," Mary shook her head and smoothed out the parchment.

_"Dear Mary, I know that it is only the second day of school but we must continue the yearly tradition! Right after you left you happened to miss a major meltdown from baby Lisa. When she finally calmed down we laughed when she said she was going to miss you. Just thought I would share that with you! With love, Mum."_

Lily started laughing. Ever since Mary's first year at Hogwarts her mum had felt it necessary to write at least three times a week. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday you could always count on Mary getting some pointless letter about some unmemorable event. No matter how much Mary complained though, Lily could see she loved getting those letters.

"Hey Mary did you get-" A second year girl came over but stopped in mid-sentence, seeing the letter Mary was holding.

"Yup," Mary grinned. Her and the girl switched letters.

"Our mums really have to find a better way to spend their time," the second year remarked.

"Jocelyn, you have no idea," Mary said taking her letter back from her cousin Jocelyn. "Did Adam and Zack get their letters?" Mary asked scanning the Hall. When she caught Adam's eye at the Ravenclaw table she lifted up her letter and he lifted his in return. Mary did the same thing to Zack at the Hufflepuff table and laughed to herself. Jocelyn turned on her heel and fled out of the Hall when a girl with red frizzy hair called her name.

"Admit it: you love those letters," Alice said finishing her porridge.

Mary flashed a grin. "Got a problem with that?"

Both the girls started laughing as Lily looked on in mild amusement. After some time the Hall started emptying. Suddenly, from the Slytherin table, came a high pitched singing. The Hall fell silent as everyone turned to see who was singing so horridly. Lily gasped when she saw Goyle standing up belting out a popular pop wizarding song. His expression told everyone that he couldn't seem to control his voice and he was clearly furious and very confused about it.

"Oy! Goyle! Can you sing a bit louder? The rest of the school can't hear you!" Sirius hollered from where he was sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table.

As soon as he said that three other people started to sing until half the Hall was joined in singing. Lily looked on in bemusement, then anger. She turned her glare onto the four boys sitting at the end of the table laughing. She stood up and marched over to them. When she opened her mouth to scold them, instead of coherent words coming out, song lyrics were. Lily found herself singing about a wizard who lost his wand and spent the rest of his life looking for it only to find he had never really lost it at all.

Once she was done the song she felt impossible to stop and repeated it. Over and over again. Sirius, who was laughing before, was now in hysterics. Even James had tears running down his face. Remus was the only one who seemed to try and hide his laughter behind his hand. This only made Lily furious and she stormed away. The effect was lost seeing as she was still singing the rather annoying song.

When she reached Alice and Mary they both stared at her solemly then burst out laughing. Lily clamped a hand over her mouth to try and muffle the sound but it was no use, she could still be heard loud and clear. The teachers were bustling around the Hall putting spells on the stundents to make them stop singing. Some of the teachers politely hid their laughter, while Slughorn was the only one to laugh openly.

"Quite a hard potion to concot! Clever boys, very clever! Too much trouble though, too much trouble!" Slughorn's booming voice was echoing around the Hall as he easily stopped the students from singing.

Still aware of everything around her, Lily found some satisfaction in seeing James and Sirius being towed by McGongall out of the Hall. After Professor Kettleburn got Lily to stop singing she found her throat a little sore. Alice and Mary had recorded her singing for twenty minutes straight.

Lily refused to speak to them as the three headed to their first class: Transfiguration. Walking ahead of the other two Lily went into the room to find James and Sirius already there being lectured by McGongall. When McGongall saw Lily she finished her lecture and sent the two to their seats. When they had sat down Lily stormed over to them, anger boiling up pretty quickly.

"Why did you do that?" she spat.

James flashed her grin. "Come on Evans, there's nothing like saying welcome back better than a good hearty song."

"And besides," Sirius added. "You _are_ a great singer." He barked out a laugh.

"You are _supposed_ to be a role model Potter," Lily said rounding on James.

He shrugged and ran his hand through his hair. Lily was distracted as she watched the progress of his hand running through his hair. She found herself staring at his hair and realized how soft and shiny it looked.

"Evans you can't get enough of me," James noted seeing that she was staring at him. "I bet you told yourself you would come over here just to yell at us. Unfortunely you didn't account for how handsome I looked this morning." James hadn't used his usual cocky tone, instead he sounded like he was saying it out of habit.

This remark snapped Lily out of her revire. Horrified at her reaction to James' usual hand-through-hair-routine, she couldn't formulate a good enough comeback.

"Oh shut up Potter!" she snapped. His face remained blank. He was totally unaffected by her mounting anger. She mentally slapped herself and turned on her heel, furiously. Lily couldn't understand her sudden awareness of James running his hand through his hair. She took her place next to Alice, fuming, as the rest of the students filed in.

"Seventh years," McGongall began when everyone was accounted for. "N.E.W.T.s are this year. All your schooling and practice throughout your years at Hogwarts has tried to help you prepare for them. This year will be your final test. N.E.W.T.s are no small thing. These tests test all of your knowledge about all kinds of magic," McGonagall paused as she turned her sharp gaze over the students. "The N.E.W.T.s affect what career you choose and everything after that. I suggest that you be taking our advice and lectures very seriously and study whenever you can. The professors will push you to your limits as you have never been pushed before..." McGongall kept going on and on about the N.E.W.T.s.

Lily was paying rapt attention. Whether it was from making her stop thinking about her unusal reaction to James or whether it was just out of habit, she absorbed every word. Once McGongall finished her speech fifteen minutes later, she divided the class into pairs and had them work on an extermely hard spell. They had to transform a little doormouse into a rabbit. McGongall said this was comparatively easy considering that mice and rabbits weren't that different from each other. Later in the year, she had warned, it won't be this easy. She considered this a little review to refreshen their minds.

Lily was paired with Alice. While McGongall had her back turned on the two, Alice started at Lily. "Lils you okay?"

Lily smiled a little bit at the nickname that Alice rarely used. "Yeah I'm fine Al. Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Alice grimiced when Lily called her Al. Alice hated any sort of pet name someone called her. "I don't know, you seemed to be a bit out of it while you were arguing with James."

"Nah, I was just considering the fact that a teacher was in the room," whispered Lily quickly as McGongall drifted closer to them.

"Oh, are you sure?" Alice asked slyly. She always knew when Mary and Lily were lying.

"Yes, I'm fine," Lily retorted. She was saved from further explaintion seeing as McGongall had come up right behind them.

At the end of class, James and Sirius were the only two to have completely change their doormouse to a rabbit. They even managed to change it back again. This made Lily even angrier seeing as she had changed everything but the mouse's tail into a rabbit. Transfiguration was her worst subject. McGongall had assigned the class to learning the spell movememts for homework as well as a twelve inch essay on the uses of an animal to animal transfiguration spell.

"Evans, if you ever need a tutor..." Sirius trailed off and winked suggestively.

"Black, the only way I would need a tutor, is if I needed to learn not to hurt you," Lily snorted as she smacked him upside the head. Sirius was probably the only guy who could hit on Lily like that without James hexing him.

"Evans, love is expressed in all kinds of ways," James interjected with a gleam in his eye as she brushed by him. "If only you showed your love in less painful ways," he muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Lily asked sharply.

"Nothing," James answered. "Nothing at all."

* * *

At the start of every class each teacher said some lecture about the N.E.W.T.s just as McGongall had. By the time dinner had come around, Lily was up to her knees in homework.

"The bloody teachers think that we have a whole lifetime to do homework," Mary complained as she scooped some pudding on her plate. "I have two tweleve inch essays for Transfiguration and Charms, two sketches for Herbology, four chapters to read for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and three spells to master! It's only the first day back!" she whined.

"Evans, Quidditch tryouts are Wednesday at seven," James said passing her.

Lily looked up and nodded then turned her attention back to the book she was reading. Lily had been a Chaser for the Gryffindor team for four years. One of the Chasers had graduated the previous year and the other one was Jimmy Gyrat, a third year. James was the Seeker, probably the best the school had seen in years. Even Lily had to admit this to herself, but she knew she would never be caught dead saying it aloud. James' head was already too big as it was. The two beaters were Mackenzie Prewett a fifth year and a cousin of Giedon Prewett, and Kyle Finnegan who was a fouth year. Both were fairly good. The seventh player of the team was Frank Longbottom, one of Lily's fellow seventh years, who played as the Keeper.

"I really hate how he's captain," Lily remarked looking up from her book.

"Well get used to it Lils, you are on the team for the rest of the year. Besides," Mary looked down at where the Marauders were sitting. "There really isn't a better choice for captain. He's probably one of the best Quidditch players to walk these halls."

Alice and Lily both gave her looks of utter disbelief.

"What?" Mary asked devensively. "I was doing some Quidditch research earlier in the summer."

"Why?" Alice demanded. "You could care less about sports."

"Well, I've had a change of heart," Mary insisted.

"Okay Mary, care to tell us the real reason?" Lily asked.

"Fine!" Mary threw her hands up in a theartical action. "I've decided to go try out for the Quiddtch team."

Silence followed this remark. "Seriously?" Lily asked breaking it.

Mary turned red, never a good sign. "Yes, seriously. Why are you two being unsupporative?"

Lily and Alice exchanged looks.

"Well," Alice began. "It's just different for you. It doesn't seem like a very Mary MacDonaldish thing to do. And you aren't exactly the best at Quidditch." Alice said this all very lightly. Mary crossed her arms over her chest, lips pursed.

"Mary-" Lily never got to finish seeing as she was interruped by none other than Frank Longbottom.

"Hey Alice," he said easily. Though he sounded carefree his body said otherwise. He looked like a tightly wound spring and his palms glistened with sweat. Lily turned at once back to her book, not paying attention to the words but keeping her ears sharp, listening to Alice's and Frank's conversation. She could see Mary's anger quickly evaporating as she seemed to distract herself, but, like Lily, kept a keen attention to the conversation taking place.

"Hello Frank," Alice replied just as casually. Lily could feel the excitement bubbling through Alice. Alice seemed to really like Frank though she had never told Lily or Mary. It was just one of those things instinctively known. The two exchanged pleasantries until Frank walked away, a goofy smile lighting up his whole face.

Mary started laughing. "What's the deal with you two?" she asked. "I've never seen Frank smile like that."

"Oh nothing," Alice sighed wistfully. "We're just friends."

"But you wished it was more," Lily finished.

"It's not that. I just wished I could get to know him better."

"Mhmm," Mary made a sarcastic noise in agreement. Lily finshed eating and turned her attention back to her Defesne Against the Dark Arts book she had been reading earlier.

"Lily we're going back to the common room, meet us there?" Alice had asked.

Lily nodded in awknowledgement. When the familar sounds of the dining started to ebb away Lily tore herself from the book. Sighing she looked around at the minimal people left. She tilted her head back up at the ceiling and marveled at the stars. There were so many of them tonight. The moon pulsed silently from its perch high in the sky.

"Evans!" An annoyingly familar voice barked.

"What is it Potter?" Lily looked at him. She hadn't expected him to lean in so close to her and flinched when she turned her head.

"We have to partol again," he said giving her a strange look.

"Oh. Right. Okay, let's go," Lily said flustered. She had forgotten she had to patrol.

She got up, gathered her books, dropped them off in the Gryffindor tower, and met James outside the portrait hole to do their rounds. They weren't much different from the night before except they split up the wing they had to patrol. For a couple of hours the two separated and did their own section of the wing. For the other hour they met up after much insisting on James' part. Lily was too tired to argue. When they met up James seemed to feel the need to fill the silences with Quidditch tatics. He had a bunch of plays memorized and set up. He was like a little five- year- old where Christmas came early. Lily was only half listening, too tired to actually pay attention. Just as the previous night James didn't seem to mind her unresponsive behavior. When the rounds were done they departed with a quick goodnight, Lily once again, trying with all her might not to smile.


	4. That's What I've Wanted All Along

**Okay here's chapter 4! Things are beginning to pick up a bit so hopefully the next chapters will be easier to write.**

**Disclaimer: all Rowlings**

* * *

Days passed quickly. Soon, autumn had made it's swift, silent passage onto the castle. The leaves came to life in fiery colors of yellow, red, and orange; the air turned cooler and cooler with each passing day and the skies soon lost their blueish color, grey replacing it. With autumn came the results of the Quidditch team. Much to Lily and Alice's surprise, Mary had made the team, replacing the empty Chaser position. Mary had gloated about proving everyone wrong until it got so annoying that even quiet Remus had asked her to give it a rest.

Things had been getting stanger and stranger though no one had awknowledged it specifically. Lily Evans had noticed it far less than anybody else did, but that did not change the fact that James Potter seemed to have gotten over his infatuation with her. Sure he still talked to her and was cordial to her, but it wasn't the same adoration anybody was used to.

The teachers had been relentless with their homework. "They assign way too much than is humanly possible," Mary complained when Alice had made a remark about it at breakfast one morning, a week before Halloween.

"Well if some people didn't slack off as much," Alice said, shooting a reproving glance at Mary, "Then you wouldn't have as much."

Lily laughed, "Alice you're one to talk! You're just as bad as she is!" This of course got the three of them fighting. The laughing ended quickly however, when a snowy white bird landed in front of Alice with an irritated flutter of wings.

"Who are you?" Alice asked the bird nastily as if it could answer her. The bird stuck out his leg and Alice took the letter from it. With barely a sound the bird took off leaving behind a single white feather. She unfurled the letter without looking at the address on the front.

"Wait a second Alice," Mary stopped her. "It's not adressed to you." Mary took the letter and checked it all over.

"Checking it out will not make your name go away," Lily commented.

Mary shot her a look as she started to read. As Lily watched Mary, she could see a frown appear, then grow deeper and deeper as she made her way to the bottom of the letter. When she was done, Mary put the letter down, then picked it back up and reread it. She did this several times before Alice gently stopped her.

"That's not true," Mary whispered as she jerked her head towards the letter.

Looking over Alice's shoulder Lily read:

"Dear Mary,

I don't know how to start this or even if I want to tell you, but you've got a right to know. As you know and as you have seen, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is steadily becoming the greatest and most powerful sorcerer of all time. He will do everything to get what he wants. He doesn't care how many people he has killed or how many families he has ripped apart on his rise to power." Right here Lily could see water drops staining the paper and making the ink run, making it hard to read the writing. "And he has chosen to rip apart ours. Your father it seems has made a grave and terrible decision. If you read the Daily Prophet today, you saw that the Death Eaters, as they are now calling themselves, attacked the countryside late last night. Your father, who was at another wizard's house, met them. The Death Eaters killed the other wizard first. They were about to kill your father but he took the cowardly way out of the situation. He begged and pleaded not to be killed. It seems that the Death Eaters listened to him when he said he could help them. According to the wizard's nephew, who had ran and hid when the Death Eaters came, your father told them that he could give inside information. When the Death Eaters told him they already had enough inside information they raised their wands. Just as they were about to say an Unforgivable he sputtered out that he worked in the Auror department. This stopped the Death Eaters and they asked who he was. When he said that he was Alfred MacDonald they laughed and said they had never heard of such a name. They let him live however. 'One more insider can't hurt.' That was all the nephew heard before the Death Eaters took their business outside. That was all he needed to know. He contacted the Ministry of Magic immediately. Then they contacted me and told me all that had happened. As of right now, they are looking for the Death Eaters and your father. I'm so sorry Mary, but your mother was too shaken up to write to you. Please don't tell your cousins what has happened, I will write to them myself.  
With love,  
Mathilda"

Lily looked up at Mary then looked down again. She had to reread the letter several times before the impact of the words hit her. This was Alfred MacDonald. The man who had welcomed Lily to his house so many times during all of her breaks that it was as if she had lived there. He was the man who first taught her all about Quidditch, who taught her self-defense spells because it was his area of speciality. This man was Mary's _father_-

"I told you, it isn't true," Mary whispered again.

"Oh, Mary!" Alice went and hugged her friend. Lily joined in. The three were totally oblivious to the chatter and movement going on around them. Lily and Alice held Mary tight, as if letting her go would make her shatter.

"Miss MacDonald," a quiet, slightly gravelly voice intruded the three. When Lily looked up she saw Dumbledore stare down at them with his deep blue eyes. "Can I please talk to you in my office." It wasn't a question but it wasn't spoken like a statement either.

Mary looked up and stared like she had been jolted out of a dream she had. She nodded. Lily grabbed Mary's hand and squeezed tightly before she was led away.

Lily and Alice just stared at each other, both at a loss of words. "Mary's father-" Lily began at the same time Alice said, "I can't believe it." Both of them kept quiet until the end of breakfast and they were forced to get their stuff.

Walking to the Herbology greenhouses, Lily was in a state on numbness. Now something had happened to jolt Lord Voldemort into perspective. Lily knew she didn't want to be affected by it, but the revelation had opened dozens of new doors to her. She couldn't help but think of Sirius's family. Lily had thought that Bellatrix had just been making fun of the Hat's song at the sorting, but now she wasn't too sure.

"Evans you okay?" James came up beside her.

James was another thing that had been lingering on the edges of Lily's mind. He was slowly but surely changing. His annoying comments were coming less and less and he actually seemed to stop hitting on her every chance he got. This could have just been hopeful thinking on Lily's part though.

"What would make you think something was wrong with me Potter?" Lily asked.

"You just seem dejected. Someone turn you down?" he joked.

Lily knew he was joking and knew she shouldn't have exploded at him like she did but she couldn't help it.

"No, Potter! That's the last reason I would look dejected. I'm not like you and have to feed off of everyone's complements just to make myself feel better! My head is _not_ as big as yours! Mary MacDonald's father has just agreed to help some Death Eaters, okay! If you found out your best friend's father was joining sides with the Death Eaters you would have a right to look however the hell you wanted to look! _Back. Off._"

James took her rant unflinchingly because she was wrong. His best friend's dad and mum had both sided with the Death Eaters. "Evans, my best friend's dad and mum have sided with Death Eaters," he said aloud. "You aren't the only person who has been affected by Voldemort," James hissed back.

That stopped Lily short for three reasons. One, she had forgotten all about Sirius's parents. Two, being told that she wasn't the only one affected by Voldemort made Lily think. She wasn't alone so she had to stop thinking this was all about her. Thirdly, James had called He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Voldemort.

Her anger died out as suddenly as it had sprung. She turned away from him and walked faster to catch up with Alice.

* * *

On the morning of Halloween, Mary returned; it had been a whole week since she had left. Alice and Lily had been taken by surprise when they woke up late on Saturday to find Mary sitting on her bed.

"Mary!" they both hollered as soon as they saw her. They sprinted to Mary and enveloped her in a bear hug.

"Mary how have you been?" Alice asked as she pulled away.

Mary smiled a wan smile. "Eh, I've been better."

"Mary, you honestly have no idea how bad it has been without you. Alice is actually getting her homework done and we have been late for class nearly every day. Plus Potter has been begging me for your return! Oh god Mary, we've missed you!" Lily sputtered out.

This statement got Mary to laugh. She was laughing so hard that tears were running down her face. Then Lily saw that she was starting to cry and sob. Lily and Alice held her and couldn't help but cry with her. It made them ache inside to see composed, collected Mary lose it. It seemed awhile before they finally stopped. "I feel so hollow," Mary sniffed. She wiped her eyes and took a long shuddering breath.

"You just needed that," Alice whispered.

"We all needed that," Lily added. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Mary looked at the both of them and nodded. She took a deep breath and began, "Well, you know that Dumbledore wanted to talk to me in his office. When I took a seat he told me what had happened about my Dad in more detail. I got to ask him what I wanted and he answered as much as he could. Then he told me I could go home, that I _should_ go home. When I arrived at the house my mom was in the kitchen taking care of Lisa. She looked up when I entered and ran over to me. She cried. Oh god, how she _cried!_ I thought it would never end. That made me cry too until we were both just a bloody mess. Then Mathilda came in and we sobbed even harder. Thank god for her. She took us into her arms and held us like we were five. Once we had cried ourselves out she gave us a little speech. 'Your dad has made a grave decision,' Mathilda said. 'It is up to you guys to not let it bother you. You can do everything you can to catch your father.' But the thing is, is that I don't know if I _want_ to catch him. I mean he's my dad and you don't do that to your father!" Mary wailed shrugging her hands in a hopeless manner.

"Shh," Lily soothed. "You don't have to want do anything. This whole situation... well it sucks."

"Yeah," Alice interjected. "It's no one's choice but your own."

"I know," Mary said. "But what happens if they find him? I'm not sure I trust myself to believe what I see. It's hard to wrap your head around it... but it just makes so mad!" Mary added getting up. She started pacing. "I mean it doesn't seem like my dad, but somehow I can picture it all happening. As we grew up, Dad would always tell us to not fight unless it was something we believed in. Then, if we believed in it, we should fight even if it costs us. He went back on his word! Did everything he told us not to do!" Mary sat down again as the other two soothed her.

"Sometimes people say that to make sure that someone will do the right thing even if they can't," Alice said wisely.

They sat in silence for awhile as only good friends can. At one point Alice's stomach growled.

"Are you hungry?" Mary asked.

Alice nodded sheepishly, "Yeah, I'm starved."

Lily got up and the other two followed. They were just in time for lunch as the students bustled around the Hall idly chatting about the upcoming night; it was Halloween after all and as was tradition, the Marauders always pulled a prank or two.

To keep Mary's mind off of her father, Lily and Alice talked about the classes they had had in the past week and how Lily had _finally_managed to master the animal to animal spell. Then Lily talked about Quidditch. "Potter has us running his plays over and over again and I think I can do them in my sleep!" she complained. This got Mary to laugh but the grin slowly faded. She looked down the table to where James was talking to Sirius. They were both grinning.

"Lils, do you hate James?" Mary asked suddenly.

Lily choked on her food and Alice thumped her hard on the back. "What do you mean?" she got out after she could breathe.

"Well I know you don't like him, but do you hate him?"

Lily stared at Mary.

"Are you okay?" she asked then instantly regretted saying that. "I didn't mean-"

"I'm perfectly okay," Mary snapped, cutting Lily off. "Don't treat me any different. Answer the question."

"No," Lily said studying Mary closely. "I don't hate him. But that doesn't mean I like him either. Why do you want to know?"

"I've just been curious lately because James doesn't seem as obsessed with you. I meant to tell you earlier but you know..." Mary trailed off frowning.

"You've noticed it too?" Alice asked quickly.

Mary nodded.

"Why is that a bad thing?" Lily laughed. Mary and Alice exchanged looks.

"What?" Lily demanded.

"Nothing," they both answered at the same time. Upon further inquiry Lily could gain nothing more from them so she sat back in a frustrated silence.

"Evans! Practice in ten!" James threw over his shoulder as he and Sirius passed the girls.

"Wait a second!" Sirius spun on his heel and turned back to the girls. "Mary! You're back! Thank Merlin! See that James- Mary's back," Sirius was talking excitedly.

James turned around and walked back over.

"The damn fool hasn't stopped talking about you since you left," Siruis said scornfully.

Mary looked at them in surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

James blushed. "It's nothing. I was just admiring your Quiddtch skills," he muttered.

Once again Lily choked on her food. She had never, _never _seen James blush. This time it was Sirius who thumped her on the back. "Thanks," Lily finally got out when she could breathe.

Sirius winked, "Anything for you m'lady."

"I'm sorry about what happened with your dad," James offered.

Mary stared him down. "I don't need sympathy," she said coldly.

"No that's not what I meant!" James said quickly blushing again. "I meant don't worry about it, it's not something that you had any say in."

Lily rolled her eyes and studied Mary. She couldn't read anything in her impassive expression. Then she studied James. He seemed to see no one but Mary. She shook her head. _I've got to stop imagining things_, she scolded herself.

"Come on mate," Sirius interrupted the awkward silence that had descended. "You've got to get to your practice and I've got to find Moony."

James seemed to snap out of a revire he had been in and followed Sirius.

"Did anyone else think that was weird?" Alice asked. Lily shook her head while Mary remained silent.

"Come on Mary, we should go too." Lily and Mary got up and waved goodbye to Alice. Upon Mary's request, she wanted Alice and Lily to let life go on.

"Mary, you're really brave," Lily said hugging Mary. This got Mary to smile for real.

They went back to their dormitory to get their brooms then headed out to the pitch. It was an ideal day for Quiddtch. The sky was dotted with clouds providing protection from the sun, the earth seemed to stand still: no wind stirred it, and it was cool but not cold. The girls went to the changing rooms and got changed, then met the team in the locker room. When everybody was settled in their seats James came out of the captain's office pushing a chalkboard.

"These are all diagrams of our plays," James said while pulling out his wand. "Mary this is mostly for your benefit but it wouldn't kill everyone else to pay attention either." James let his eyes roam over his team. "Now this is a play called: Hyperdrive, courtesy of Jimmy..." James went on tapping the chalkboard when he wanted to enforce his point. He did this through each of the seven plays he had planned. "Okay everybody," he said when he was done. "Let's go."

The team followed him out into the pitch. "Okay Kyle, let the balls loose. Everyone in position!" James yelled.

Lily mounted her broom. She could feel the familiar, quiet hum of the broom as she was about to push off. When she kicked off and soared through the air she thought, _There is nothing better than this feeling._ She laughed as the speed of her broom made her eyes water.

"Evans! Are you here to fool around or here to practice?" James barked at her. Lily made a face. She was the only player on the team who James called by their last name. Lily flashed her eyes dangerously.

"Potter if I wanted to fool around I'd hang out with Sirius," Lily commented drily.

This got Mackenzie Prewett to laugh. While she was laughing she hadn't been paying any attention and barely escaped getting hit by a Bludger.

"Focus!" James roared.

Lily turned serious and regretted having made that comment about Sirius. James made her work harder than anyone else and he made her know it and feel it. Towards the end of practice he made her put the equipment away too. Mary looked on in sympathy but didn't do anything to stop James. At the end of practice Lily was absolutely furious. By the time she had made it to the locker room she had snapped at Kyle and Frank without meaning to but the boys knew her well enough to know when she was in a bad mood so they left her alone. Slowly the locker room emptied until it was just her and Mary left. James was still in his office. "Meet you at the castle Lils?" Mary asked sensing the death waves radiating from Lily. Lily nodded tightly.

Finally Mary left. "Potter what the hell are you playing at?" Lily demanded pounding on the captain's door. James came out.

"What do you mean Evans?" he asked innocently.

"You know very well what I mean!"

"Well you didn't have to make that comment," James replied matter-of-factly.

"Potter it was one comment! It's not like Sirius doesn't make fun of me either! It was a joke okay! A stupid joke! Don't take it so seriously!"

"It wasn't the least bit funny!"

"Ha! Mackenzie was laughing! And why can't I say that, huh? It's true and the whole bloody school knows it!"

"He's my best mate," James snarled. "I have to defend him. It's what friends do. If you ever gave me a chance to be one to you, you would know that!"

"_Do not_ say that," Lily lowered her voice to a dangerously low whisper. "Over the past years you have been the most arrogant, pig-headed, vain, boastful, self-centered git I've ever met! _Yet you will not change or leave me alone!_ You know that, so don't say I haven't let you be a friend to me. I have given you _plenty_ of goddamn chances!"

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" James asked his voice as quiet as Lily's but it didn' t have the dangerous tone to it.

"Jesus! Did it really just get through to you that that's what I've wanted _all along_?" Lily raged. With that she stormed out of the locker room and marched up the castle breathing furiously and heavily. A cold wind whipped around her and dusk was beginning to settle down around the castle. As the light quickly faded Lily pushed open the door to her dormitory and showered and got ready for the feast not dwelling over her argument in the locker rooms.


	5. Halloween Feast

**This is Chapter 5! James and Lily just had their argument in the locker room so I just want everyone to know that Lily is starting to get confused and annoyed with James and sometimes with her friends. Read & Review!**

* * *

When she was done, Lily sat for a moment on her bed finally allowing herself to replay the argument over in her head.

_"Do you want me to leave you alone?" "Jesus! Did it really just get through to you that that's what I've wanted all along?"_

Lily sighed, very frustrated and confused. James had never used such a serious tone with her. He had never asked her outright whether or not she wanted to be left alone. And she, Lily Evans, had finally gotten through to him. So shouldn't she be feeling at least a little bit better? Somehow, Lily couldn't feel very triumphant at the moment. She ran her fingers through her hair signaling that she was beyond frustrated and slowing getting angry.

_Come on Lils, breathe,_ Lily told herself. _You've got to be feeling better. Potter has finally listened to you!_

All the way down to the Hall Lily kept telling herself this until even she nearly believed it. Then, as she took a seat next to Alice and unconsciously searched for James's face, she saw he wasn't looking in her direction as he normally would have. Lily forced a smile on her face.

_It's easier to lie to yourself than to anybody else,_ Lily though bitterly.

"You okay Lily?" Alice asked. "Where's Mary?" she went on not waiting for Lily to answer.

"I thought she was already here," Lily told her confused. Alice shook her head.

"Oy! Lily!" an all too familiar voice called down from the end of the table.

"I heard you want to fool around with me," Sirius smirked.

Lily glanced in his direction. "I don't fool around with dogs," she said just as smugly. She winked at him and rolled her eyes. She failed to see how solemn Sirius grew and how he shot James and Remus and Peter meaningful looks. Instead she turned her attention back to Alice who had engaged herself in a conversation with Frank Longbottom who claimed he had 'accidently' bumped into her. Lily politely turned away from their conversation and found Mary across from her. She jumped.

"Where have you been?" Lily asked a bit startled.

"Catching up with all the work I've missed," Mary dismissed the question with some degree of evasiveness. "What's with them?" she asked quietly so Alice and Frank wouldn't hear her.

"With who?" Lily asked absently looking around the Hall.

"You know who!" Mary threw a pointed look in Alice's and Frank's direction.

"Oh, I don't know, I haven't been listening to the conversation."

"Of course not," Mary laughed. Then on a more serious tone she said, "So what happened in the locker rooms?"

Lily shifted slightly, "Nothing. Potter claimed that I never gave him a chance to be my friend and I told him I gave him plently of chances. He just never changed from being an arrogant, self-centered, pig-headed, cocky, Quidditch jerk. I told him that if he had ever bothered to change or even leave me alone I would be happy. He asked me if that was what I wanted and I told him yes that was what I wanted."

Mary scruntized Lily. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

Lily blinked. "Yes! Why do you and Alice keep giving each other looks like there's something wrong with me?"

"Calm down," Mary scoffed. "It's nothing."

Lily sighed and let it go. She didn't care much anyway. Lily looked back at Alice and Frank and couldn't help but smiling. The two looked so cute together that it was surprising how Alice could even deny not liking Frank.

"Students, teachers, ghosts, of the castle!" Dumbledore's voice rose over the crowd. Suddenly the Hall changed. Carved pumpkins glowed brighter with the light that came from the white wax candles that were inside them; enchanted bats circled slowly around the ceiling sometimes swooping and diving at the students; and the ghosts were having a grand old time among themselves celebrating their favorite holiday.

"Tonight is All- Hallows- Eve and I invite you all to enjoy it immensely. So, do not let us delay in the feast!"

At once, just as the beginning of the year, food appeared on pure golden platters and drinks appeared in sliver glistening goblets. The chatter started up again as the students helped themselves to the food.

"Ah, I would advise you not to eat that," Nearly Headless Nick said coming up beside Lily. Nick had passed right through Alice causing her to shudder with the feeling of being drenched in ice cold water.

"Why not?" Lily demanded examining the pudding she was about to bite into.

"I saw James Potter and Peter Pettigrew tampering with it down in the kitchens."

"How do they even know where the kitchens are?" Lily looked at Nick with suspicion written all over her face.

But before Nick could answer a tiny pop resounded in Lily's ears. Without warning her pudding exploded right in her face. Her mouth dropped open. Pudding had gotten everywhere: on Lily's robes, in her hair, on her face, and had even managed to get on Alice. Lily heard a strange noise and when she turned to Mary she saw that it came from her. Mary was clamping her hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking and tears running down her face.

"Oh my God! That was freaking hilarious!" Mary said hiccuping because of her laughing.

"You think this is funny?" Alice said wiping pudding from her ear. "Well take that!" Alice took a handful of pudding from the bowl and threw it at Mary. Lily's mouth dropped open at the expression on Mary's face. It was one of pure horror. Soon enough a little pop resounded and the pudding exploded getting everyone around the three girls. Mary, Alice, and Lily were reduced to laughing uncontrollably.

Before they knew it, the people around them started to throw pudding until the pudding throwing escalated into a wild food fight. With just pudding of course. It wasn't long before Ravenclaw took a stand and untied themselves with the Gryffindor table. Hufflepuff joined and it was everyone against Slytherin.

"Stop!" a voice roared from the head of the table. Everyone froze, never hearing Dumbledore yell like that.

"Now," he went on in a much quieter voice. "It seems that we have had an unexpected interference in our Halloween feast. Will the person or persons who caused this please come forward."

The four Marauders stepped forward with waves and smiles. Dumbledore looked like he was trying to suppress a smile. "Boys please go with Professor McGongall, head of Gryffindor, and she will punish you as deemed necessary. As for the rest of you, go to bed."

With her face still hurting from laughing so much, Lily got up with Alice and Mary and climbed up to the Gryffindor tower.

"Ugh!" Lily groaned. "I still have to patrol!"

She had nearly forgotten that she was slowly getting extremely, _extremely_ mad at James. _Why would he choose now to finally ask me if I wanted to be left alone? He could have asked any other time. He shouldn't be the one to decide when he can leave me alone or not!_

"Ha ha sucks for you!" Alice screeched and ran upstairs.

Lily was jolted out of her anger for a second and shook her head._ Alice isn't allowed to have any more sugar. _

"Good luck patrolling tonight," Mary said studying Lily. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, I will be _fine_," Lily put emphasis on the word fine, getting some of her anger back. "I really want you and Alice to quit asking me that."

Mary didn't say anything so Lily took it as her que to leave. Lily walked down to McGongall's office first but the Marauders weren't there. She turned on her heel and stomped down the corridor looking for James.

"Where are you?" she hissed to the air. No one answered.

Lily sighed and figured she just better patrol alone. When she said that she wanted James to leave her alone, she hadn't meant during patrols. Making a frustrated noise in the back of her throat, Lily decided to patrol alone.

At the beginning of the patrol, Lily stopped at a window to look outside, trying to cool off. It was a dark night, with clouds slowly covering the full moon. She looked at the grounds and jumped in surprise. At the edge of the forest there was a huge black dog. It was the biggest dog she had ever seen. And the strangest thing was, was that it was standing next to a beautiful stag. It horns were long and twisted and it held its head high and regal. The dog seemed not to even care that there was dinner standing right next to it. The dog, along with the stag, seemed to be looking at something. Lily followed their gaze to where the Whomping Willow was swinging its branches at something unseen to Lily. Then suddenly, the Whomping Willow stopped thrashing around. The dog made several leaps and bounds and reached the Willow. Then it disappeared. _What in the world? _Then the stag followed in its graceful gait and disappeared just as the dog had. Lily stepped away from the window and shook her head. _What the hell was that?_ Lily looked out the window again and saw nothing more than the dark night.

She shook her head again and moved on with her patrol. For three hours she had to try and keep herself awake and patrol the corridors. When she finally made it to her dormitory Lily crashed in her bed. She had a fitful sleep, with dreams full of dogs, stags, and willows.

* * *

In the morning Lily woke up to Alice and Mary arguing.

"I didn't tell her anything!" Alice barked.

"You're such a liar!" Mary screamed back.

"It's your own damn fault for getting stuck in this situation!"

"Shut up Alice, you don't know anything!" Mary hissed. She turned on her heel and stormed out.

"What was that about?" Lily asked groggily.

"Nothing," Alice said glaring at the door. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine. What happened?" Lily pressed.

_"Nothing!"_

"Okay, okay, calm down." Lily got up and hopped in the shower thinking nothing of the argument. The two argued all the time. When she was done she saw Alice waiting in the common room for her. Lily looked around the common room and spotted Sirius.

"Hey you!" Lily barked walking over to Sirius. He turned around and looked at her warily. He could tell she wasn't happy—and he knew why.

"Yes?" he asked watching her quietly.

"Where's Potter?" Lily asked.

"Why do you want to know?"

Lily found it impossible to lie to Sirius. They shared an odd type of friendship, for they were friends, but people had never seen a friendship quite like theirs. It was a love-hate kind of friendship. There was barely a day that went by that the two didn't find something to argue over. People had told them that they acted like brother and sister.

"Well Black, he was supposed to patrol with me last night."

Sirius blinked. "Was he? I think he forgot. Well he's with Remus in the hospital wing right now. Remus just got a taste of the flu last night."

"And Potter stayed with him all night?" Lily asked skeptically.

Sirius nodded. Lily rolled her eyes not buying it.

"Sirius, where was he?"

"Lily," Sirius eyed her, pleading her. "Just leave him alone, he missed one night, it's not going to kill you."

"No, this is his third night. "

"Evans, just let it be. Some things you shouldn't worry your little head about. Now if you'll excuse me." Sirius got up and strolled out of the common room. Lily looked after him confused by his odd manner. With a sigh of defeat Lily let it go. Sirius was probably right anyway.

_Why should I care what Potter does._

Lily walked to where Alice was and together the two walked down to breakfast in silence. Lily searched the table for Mary and found her sitting alone. Just as Lily was about to sit with her, James Potter walked in the Hall and sat next to her. Lily froze and watched them. They were talking but Mary's face was unreadable. Alice muttered something under her breath.

"What?" Lily turned her gaze from James and Mary. Alice muttered something again and sat down pulling Lily with her.

"-Don't know what she's thinking!" Alice started buttering some toast furiously. The knife was ripping the toast to shreds.

"Alice can you please-" Lily got cut off by Frank Longbottom.

"Alice are you okay?" he asked sitting down next to her. Lily's mouth dropped open. Alice had stopped beating up her toast and a calmness came over her. "Yeah, I will be," she replied.

Lily shook her head and considered her options. They were few. Mary was talking to James and he was the last person Lily wanted to talk to, as much as she wanted to confront him, she didn't want an audience. Alice was in la-la land with Frank, and Lily had no clue where Sirius was. Sighing she got up from the bench. Alice barely acknowledged Lily leaving and continued her conversation with Frank.

_Thanks a lot._

Lily walked out of the Great Hall and made her way up the staircase, stopping at the floor with the hospital wing. She poked her head around the door and saw Remus being attended to by Madam Pomfrey. Madam Pomfrey was the new nurse this year, replacing the old witch who had been the nurse last year. She was sprightly lady with brown hair tied back in a bun and rosy red cheeks. Lily heard that she had a tounge like a whip so Lily was warned to be wary of her. Sure enough, as soon as Lily had walked all the way into the room Madam Pomfrey pounced on her.

"Why are you here?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

_There's nothing wrong with me,_ Lily thought.

"I'm here to visit Remus," Lily told her instead.

"Well, he already has a visitor."

"But I'm sure another on wouldn't hurt," Sirius called from where he sat on a plastic chair next to Remus's bed. Madam Pomfrey gave Lily a scathing look, pursed her lips, muttered something under her breath, and walked back to her office.

"Thanks," Lily said.

"She's just like a cat, pounces on everybody." Sirius shook his head.

"So Remus, how are you doing?" Lily asked pulling up a chair.

"I'm fine thanks, what about you?" Remus answered politely. He looked shaky and very pale but nevertheless he seemed like the same quiet Remus.

"Eh, I've been better."

"Well I'm doing just grand, thanks for asking," Sirius chimed in sourly. Lily rolled her eyes and Remus chuckled. "So Potter stayed with you the whole night?" Lily asked casually.

"She doesn't believe me about that," Sirius said just as casually but with an undertone of warning.

"Yes, it was really very nice of him to do that," Remus said smoothly.

_I guess Sirius was telling the truth,_ Lily thought glancing at him. He stared right back with a see-I-told-you face.

"Lily, tomorrow is the first Hogsmade trip and I was wondering if you would join me—well us," Remus blurted out very quickly looking down as he said it. She turned her gaze to him, startled at first, but then smiled.

"Us?" Lily asked.

"Me and Remus. Peter has gotten detention and James has landed himself a date." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Don't you all have detention?"

"Nah, I have to do mine today. Then another two next week. McGongall went easy on us."

Not wanting to sound like she was interested, Lily didn't ask who James's date was. But she would admit that it was strange that James would have an actually date. It was usually less formal: he usually just hooked up with someone. "Well sure I guess, but Alice and Mary might have to come along too. Is that okay?"

The boys nodded. Remus looked at his watch, "I would leave if I were you two. You don't want to be late for classes."

"No, we could never want that!" Sirius bolted up from his chair and left Lily standing next to Remus.

"Well I hope you feel better!" Lily laughed over her shoulder. "I will see you tomorrow!"

"Thanks for coming, see you tomorrow." Remus waved.

When Lily walked out into the corridor she saw Sirius casually leaning against the wall talking to a pretty dark haired girl. When Lily saw the girl's face she crinkled her nose in disgust. It was Jasmine Desmond, a girl known throughout the school for sleeping with more than a few guys. Lily's spurt of good mood vanished as quicky as it had come and she left as Sirius and Jasmine started to swap saliva.

The rest of the day did not improve her mood seeing as soon as Lily met up with Alice, Alice was ready to kill someone again. Lily didn't even talk to Mary until the end of the day after a quick dinner. The two were walking down to a Qudditch practice.

"I haven't talked to you all day!" Lily exclaimed as they reached the pitch.

Mary laughed a bit uneasily. "It's been crazy lately."

"I bet." Lily had no more time to say anything seeing as James called for a team meeting. The practice was brutal enough to make Lily fall asleep as soon as she hit her pillow.


	6. What the hell?

**Okay this is Chapter Six! This is where the main plot line starts to unfold so if you're a bit confused don't worry about it! **

**And I just want to thank all the people who have already reviewed this story! The reviews have been encouraging!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP, it's all Rowlings.**

**Read&Review**

* * *

The next morning dawned bright but chilly. Lily opened her eyes and realized how quiet it was. With a sudden jolt she realized that she was the first one up for a change. She rolled out of her bed and walked over to the window. The sky was a light yellow-blue, the sun having not yet climbed over the mountain tops. She sat on the windowsill and rested her head on her knees. She wasn't the least bit tired.

She listened to the other sleeping forms in the dormitory. The other two girls were Marlene McKinnon and Julie Ann Laurrenson, people Lily didn't particularly like. She rarely held long conversations with them, when and if she did.

Marlene was a mousy girl with a mop of brown hair on her head and startling blue eyes. She was so focused on school work that she always looked frazzled and one step behind everyone else.

Julie Ann was just very annoying. She was a motor mouth and only stopped talking when she was sleeping. You could never hold a conversation within her earshot unless you wanted her to butt in.

Lily returned her green gaze back to the window and had a wild impulse to go outside.

She got up, threw on her robes and her scarf, and went into the silent common room. The clock on the wall said it was only quarter past five.

_Damn, that's early!_

Lily continued on her way and snuck out of the castle. The air was still and cold, causing her to shiver. Lily pulled her robes on a little tighter and started walking.

It was so still and quiet it was as if you could hear the earth actually spin. Birds didn't twitter, the wind didn't stir, even the Whomping Willow was behaving itself. Lily walked along the edge of the Forbidden Forest trying to peer into it. Without realizing it, she had come to stop right where the dog and stag had been standing the other night. Lily positioned herself exactly where the two animals had been, right in line with the Whomping Willow.

She looked around. There was nothing special about this place of the Forest. It was still dark and shadowy. The trees still towered over Lily. The moss and ferns and magical plants still grew without any rhyme or reason. The lawn of Hogwarts was still the same. The castle loomed big and warm. Hagrid's hut wasn't billowing out smoke. The lake was placid and still. Lily didn't get it. She looked around again.

A thought stuck her and Lily didn't think twice about it. She ran across the lawn towards the Whomping Willow. At about ten yards away she slowed down then stopped completely. Right now the Willow didn't look that threatening.

_Don't let it fool you Lily,_ Lily thought to herself. _That thing will tear you to threads if you go near it._

The first of the sun's rays blossomed over the horizon giving Lily some much needed light. She contemplated while walking around the tree. What had made the Willow just suddenly stop? Lily walked a few feet closer to the tree and it seemed to wake from a deep slumber.

One of its branches looked like it was stretching, and it struck out at the air as it casually tried to hit her. Then another one tried and another, until all of the tree's branches tried to hit her. Lily backed away quickly, narrowly missing getting hit. At first, the Willow seemed mad that it couldn't make contact with her skin, but when it found that it couldn't hit her, it stopped thrashing about. Lily found herself getting angry at the Willow and tried approaching it at different angles for the next half hour. The Willow wasn't getting any more patient and thus, struck out with a vengeance.

With a sigh of frustration Lily gave it up for the time being. She had managed to cut her cheek and receive a bloody lip which didn't put her in the best of moods. She resumed her walk, in a much worse mood than when she had started it. While walking next to the Quidditch pitch, Lily decided to go for a ride so as to clear her head. She grabbed a broom from the broom shed and walked into the center of the pitch.

The broom's vibration was comforting as Lily swung her leg over the broom. She gave a big kick and rose into the sky. The sun was nearly over the mountains but it provided little warmth. She swooped and swerved and avoided imaginary opponents.

"Lily Evans shoots and she scores! The crowd goes wild!" Lily made clapping noises and hurrahed for herself.

"Way to score the winning point Evans," a quiet voice drawled. Thought quiet, it was enough to carry through the cold morning air.

Lily almost fell off her broom. She knew that voice too well.

Recovering quickly she barked "What do you want?" as she angled the broom downwards. What would have been a graceful dismount was ruined by the fact that Lily started shivering as soon as her feet touched the ground.

"Here."

With a flick of his wand, Severus Snape had conjured blue flames and put them in a jar that he had on hand. He held the jar out to the still shivering Lily who stared him down and refused to take it.

"I said what do you want?" Lily practically spit.

Snape snuffed the fire as quickly as he had conjured it.

"I didn't come here to find you if that's what you mean," Snape said just as icily. "I was here to ride like I do each morning."

"Don't lie to me. You aren't even on the Slytherin Quidditch team!"

Snape glared at her. "That doesn't mean I can't come down here to ride a broom."

"Yes it does. Madam Hooch only allows Quidditch players to fly on the pitch. _What are you doing here?_"

"Nothing that a Mudblood like you should be concerned with."

Lily froze in shock and absolute fury at being called a Mudblood by Severus Snape of all people. Sure it wasn't his first time calling her that, but it was the first time he had called her that without a crowd around. She had thought that was the reason why he called her that in the first place.

Snape sneered at the way Lily had frozen.

"On second thought," another voice said, "You should be concerned. Mudbloods have no place in the wizarding world. It belongs to Purebloods only."

Lily whipped around to find Bellatrix Black leaning against the wall of the pitch. Though her body looked casual and relaxed, her face looked dangerous, as if she were a cat stalking her prey. Her face was paler than usual, making her heavily lidded eyes look even darker. Her hair flew off in different directions completing the rather threatening and demented look.

"Snape here, knows that better than anyone. Don't you?" Bellatrix went on. "The Dark Lord is rising to power faster than anyone has ever dreamed. Mudbloods like you don't stand a chance."

Bellatrix walked over to Lily and stroked her cheek. Bellatrix's hand was marble, pale and cold to the touch. Lily visibly flinched. Bellatrix brought her hand back and slapped Lily's cheek as the Gryffindor recoiled in shock.

"See how she cringes? Imagine what the Dark Lord could do to this one if a slap makes her cry," she laughed maniacally. "But his most valued servants will be rewarded. Oh how we will be rewarded!"

Lily was now frozen with fear. Bellatrix had an evil, sinister gleam in her eye that Lily didn't like at all. She had no clue what in the world Bellatrix was talking about. Lily turned to see Snape's face turn white with rage and his expression darken visibly.

"Bellatrix, let's go. You've said enough," he said stiffly.

"Just remember Mudblood, you don't stand a chance. Watch your back: you never know who's watching. Oh, and we will be watching," Bellatrix called over her shoulder as she refused to let Snape touch her. "_You,_ especially. Stuck-up, filthy, vile _scum _like you _do_ _not _deserve to have a place in the wizarding world."

Bellatrix walked out of the pitch leaving Lily there.

Lily watched as the two of them walked out of the pitch then fell to the ground trying not to have a total meltdown. She ignored the sharp crunch of the grass covered frost. _What the hell, what the hell, what the hell? What the hell is Bellatrix talking about? What the hell did she mean by 'His servants will be rewarded'? What the hell did she mean when she told me that I don't stand a chance?_

Lily laid on the frozen ground for a little bit longer trying to collect herself and not break down hysterically. She wasn't just shuddering from the cold anymore. She had been threatened openly and without any real reason. Being Muggle-born did not count as a reason.

_And you just stood there and let it all happen!_ Lily screamed at herself. _Why didn't you do anything? Because you were out numbered? Because you were scared? Because you had no clue what you could do? Because you aren't as strong as you think you are?_

Lily started to cry, then sob because her questions had all the answers she didn't want. She _was_ scared. She _had_ no clue what she could do. She was_ not_ as strong as she liked to think she was. She was becoming more angry than scared at the way she had handled the situation, because in Bellatrix's eyes, she was just a weakling that could be picked on. If she had done something, even said something, it might have stopped Bellatrix from saying what she did.

At one point, the sun started to climb over the trees of the Forbidden Forest.

Lily finally stopped crying and collected herself. She heaved herself up and walked back up to the castle, rubbing her eyes and her cheek which stung like crazy. On top of that she had just given herself a major headache. She deliberated for a second, trying to decide whether or not to get breakfast first, but then she saw Remus and Sirius walk into the Great Hall. Lily followed them and was struck by an idea.

"Sirius! Can I ask you something?" Lily prodded him on the shoulder.

"Depends on the question," he answered with a yawn. He turned around and glanced at Lily. Within an instant, his casualness was gone, replaced with concern. He took in her bloody lip and cheek, the large red welt that covered nearly half of her face, and her eyes which were puffy, red, and bloodshot.

"Lily, what in Merlin's name has happened to you?" Sirius demanded. He sat her on the bench and took off his robes to wrap her up.

"Lily, you look something awful!" Remus sat next to her and got her a cup of hot pumpkin juice. "Drink this, it'll warm you up. Damn! Your hands are freezing!"

Lily managed a shaky laugh that made her head pound with her unwanted headache.

Lily managed to calm down to a degree and take deep breaths to help her deal with the pounding of her head. As she retold her story she didn't see the two boy's expressions.

Remus turned grim and crossed his arms over his chest.

Sirius's face grew stonier and stonier.

When Lily finished her story she looked down. She had left out the last part about Bellatrix saying that Lily would be watched from now on. No matter what happened, Lily had to prove to herself, more than anybody else, that she was not weak. She would be as strong as she thought she was. Sirius sat down on the other side of Lily.

"Lily, never listen to that bitch. She's only saying that to freak you out, to scare you. She wants to get in your head. Let me deal with her. Don't worry about it okay?" Sirius told her scanning the Hall for Bellatrix. "As for Snape, me and James will cover it."

Lily looked up at Sirius and a feeling of relief washed over her.

"You don't have to do that," Lily said, trying to convince herself as well. "It's my problem, I'll deal with it."

"No, but we want to," Remus said. "Lily, she has no right to go around doing that to other students. If she does it to you there is a good chance that she will do it to someone else, not just people who are Muggle-born."

"Let's just stay at the castle today then," Sirius suggested. "It will be easier for you and you could use some company."

Lily shook her head, "No, I don't want you guys to have to miss the first Hogsmade trip. I'll be fine, honestly. Just let me clean up and get a new start."

She went up to the Hosiptal Wing to get a potion for her headache, which worked instantly. Upon entering the common room, Lily ran into Alice. When Alice asked what had happened to her, Lily explained again what had happened earlier that morning.

"That Bellatrix is a bitch!" Alice said wrapping Lily in a hug. "The next time I see her, she's going to be sorry."

Lily smiled wanly. "Please don't do anything. I'll deal with it when I get around to it."

Alice studied Lily but let it go seeing that Lily didn't want to deal with it. Lily went upstairs to get ready. Between taking a quick shower that warmed her up and thinking that she had some pretty damn good friends, Lily promised to herself that she would not let Bellatrix get to her.

_This will turn out to be a great day._

She was terribly mistaken.

* * *

As soon as Lily had finished showering and getting dressed, she studied herself in the mirror. Lily's reflection gazed back at her. Her eyes weren't swelling anymore and they looked a more healthy color. Her hair was dry and curly thanks to a spell she had used. The rest of her face was looking better than before. The cut on her lip and the cut on her cheek had stopped bleeding and had faded to a bright red. The place on her cheek where Bellatrix had slapped her had faded to a dull pink and had stopped stinging. Now that she had fully processed what had happened, Lily found herself getting mad-- no furious, at what had happened earlier but seeing as Lily couldn't do anything about it, she brushed it off.

Lily walked back into her dormintory to find Alice all ready.

"You ready to go?" Lily asked heading down the stairs.

"Um, about that," Alice squirmed. "I already promised Frank that I would go with him; he asked me yesterday."

"Oh," Lily said. Then after recovering herself she said, "Yeah that's fine. That's great actually! Me and Mary have been waiting for him to ask you for ages!"

"Really?" Alice's face lit up.

"Yes! Frank Longbottom is really into you… Alice Longbottom doesn't have that bad of a ring to it does it?" Lily asked playing with it on her tongue.

Alice laughed and shoved Lily playfully. "Wish me luck!" she called as they split to their separate ways once they reached the common room.

"Good luck," Lily muttered.

She searched the common room for Mary. She didn't see her anywhere and figured that she had already gone with someone else.

"You ready to go?" Sirius asked Lily when he came up behind her.

"Is everything okay?" Remus asked coming to stand next to them.

"Yep, it looks like we will just have to accompany ourselves today," Sirius remarked. His casual manner had an undercurrent of anger attached to it.

"Let's go then." Remus led the way out of the common room.

Lily and Sirius locked gazes. Sirius seemed to see the gleam in Lily's eyes but misinterpreted the meaning. 'Don't worry about it,' his eyes seem to say. 'I got you covered.'

Sirius thought that Lily was more scared than angry at what happened this morning, when, really, it was the other way around.

Lily nodded once and they followed Remus.

They walked out of the castle and into the chilly, late morning air. The sun was now well over the mountain tops and lit the path to Hogsmade. The wind started to stir every now and then causing Lily to shiver. Conversation was kept airy and light as Sirius and Remus told Lily of some of their more amusing pranks done to the other students. Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously and disapprovingly at first but slowly lightened up. By the time they reached Hogsmade Lily was in tears from laughing so hard.

"...And that's how we managed to get Wormtail's head out of Moaning Myrtle's toilet," Sirius finished. He had just told the story of how he and James had managed to convince Peter that Moaning Myrtle had a crush on him.

"Where was Remus in all of that?" Lily laughed.

"I was being the good student and turning my head away from their bad deeds," Remus gloated.

"Don't let him fool you Evans, Moony was sitting there pointing and laughing," Sirius reminded him.

Lily rolled her eyes in Remus's direction and he shrugged.

"Why do you guys always call each other by those nicknames?" Lily asked as they turned onto Main Street. She saw Sirius and Remus exchange looks.

"What?" she demanded.

"Nothing, we just read the names in a book and liked them so much that we started using them," Remus lied.

This piqued Lily's interest, "What book?"

"Human Life is a Sacred Thing," Sirius filled in quickly.

"Is it in the school library?"

"No it's a book my mom read to figure out how to get pregnant."

Lily's mouth dropped open, "What!"

Sirius barked out a laugh, "I'm just kidding."

Lily breathed out in relief. "I thought you were kidding but I never know with you."

Remus started talking about where they should go first, trying to divert Lily's attention from her previous question. His tactic worked and he and Sirius were saved from having to answer the question seriously.


	7. To Hogsmade

**Here is Chappie 7! I want to thank everyone for reviewing, the reviews have been much appreciated! As always read&review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP--all Rowlings!**

* * *

The three of them looked up and down Main Street, contemplating on where to visit first. Remus wanted to buy a new quill, Sirius wanted to get a butterbeer, and Lily wanted to check out new Quidditch gear. She needed new gloves considering the fact that her old ones were being worn thin and were losing their grip.

Sirius decided for everyone when he saw Lori Clearwater walk into the Three Broomsticks. Lori was a sixth-year in Hufflepuff. She was what could be considered a 'dumb blonde.' Her hair was in fact blonde and her eyes were an unnerving violet color. She wasn't very smart--actually, she was quite dumb. Lily didn't understand how she could advance from fifth year because she barley knew up from down.

Sirius made a beeline for the pub and went inside just after Lori had. Remus and Lily exchanged glances but followed him in nevertheless.

Once they walked inside, the chilly air was replaced with a warm, almost stifling, temperature. The stained wood walls were dark but somehow, that made them look warm and inviting. There were booths, tables with chairs, and tables with stools scattered around the interior of the pub on uneven, sanded wooden floors.

"Lori, you are looking smashing today!" Sirius exclaimed, following her into a booth that was clearly made just for two people. Lori seemed delighted by the fact that Sirius Black had followed her into a booth, for an automatic hook up was inevitable to follow.

"Go find your own seats," Sirius hissed over his shoulder when Lily and Remus went to follow him.

Lily's jaw dropped open at the rudeness at which Sirius had just ditched them. She rolled her eyes though because she should have expected that no matter what the circumstances were.

"Come on Remus, let's sit somewhere else," Lily said.

Remus nodded and the two made their way through the usually crowed bar. It seemed that most of the students from Hogwarts had decided to all come to the Three Broomsticks at the same time, for Lily kept seeing familiar faces. On top of all the students being there, most of the regulars were there as well. Hadgrid's profile was most easily seen making conversation with a very calm and listening Madam Rosmerta. Lily marveled at how she could fill two glasses with butterbeer at the same time while talking to Hagrid and taking someone elses order.

"Here, why don't you find a seat and I will get us some butterbeers," Lily offered once they had found a clearing in the sea of people.

"That might be best," Remus answered.

They split up and Lily made her way through the crowd to the bar, stumbling more than once over the uneven floor boards.

"What is it dear?" Madam Rosmerta asked when she finally got around to taking Lily's order.

"Two butterbeers please."

Lily watched as Madam Rosmerta bustled around the bar getting her drinks while talking to the people sitting at the counter. She was a pretty woman, Lily decided. Her dark hair and eyes accented her rosy cheeks and warm personality. The apron that she wore over her robes might have put years on anyone else, but Rosmerta managed to pull it off. She ducked behind the counter and pulled out two clear bottles. With speed and precision, Madam Rosmerta had filled the previously empty bottles with butterbeer. She had gotten Lily what she had asked for and was already busy taking someone else's order.

Being careful so as not to spill the drinks, Lily weaved in and out of the tables with great care.

As could be expected, seeing as the pub was so crowded and the floor so uneven and how Lily's day was not going well, something bad was expected to happen.

Lily had been trying to duck and swerve to avoid hitting people and spilling drinks. Unfortunately, she swerved too late to avoid hitting someone who had suddenly stood up, and managed to hit him.

They both went down, Lily less gracefully than the other. The golden colored butterbeers spilled everywhere, soaking both Lily and the boy she took down with her. As she breathed deeply out of her nose in extreme annoyance, she looked at the person who she had hit.

The crash sent the pub into a quiet stillness and everyone was trying to gauge Lily's reaction when she realized who she had knocked down. What they didn't expect was what had actually happened instead.

James Potter was the mirror image of Lily's frustrated expression, and he looked, if it was possible, even madder than Lily.

"What the hell was that for Evans?" he snarled, his hazel eyes flashing dangerously.

Lily could do nothing more than gaze back at him with wide-eyed, disbelief.

_Like it was my fault that you tripped me with your chair?!_

Lily was about to say something but James got up without waiting for an answer and said "Come on" to the girl who apparently was his date.

Lily watched as James swept the girl out of the pub. Sopping wet and madder than she could ever remember, Lily stood up but before she could take her wand and mutter a spell that would dry her, someone else did instead.

"Thanks," Lily said to Remus who put his wand back in his pocket.

He helped her clean the spilled butterbeer and set the chair back up that Lily had knocked down. Remus shushed Madam Rosmerta and told her not to worry, that she had more problems to deal with than spilled butterbeer. Eventually, the pub returned to its normal chatter and left Lily and Remus alone.

"Let's get out of here, eh?" Lily asked already guiding Remus to the door.

"I think that's best," Remus answered ruefully. He had been looking forward to a butterbeer. "What about Sirius?"

"Forget him. He's not having any trouble remembering us," Lily pointed out.

Remus looked to where Lily was pointing and frowned in disgust. Sirius and Lori were in full lip-lock and didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.

_I bet they didn't even see what just happened_, Lily thought. _Yeah good old Sirius. 'I guess it will just have to be the three of us'—yeah, right. So far, not so good._

"Well where do you want to go?" Remus asked as they emerged from the dim light of the Three Broomsticks into the bright light outside.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the Quidditch Supply Store. I need new gloves. My old ones are thin and no longer has a grip. Not good when you are flying high up in the air."

Remus laughed, "No, I guess not. Led the way then."

Lily laughed at the little bow and flourish Remus had done and curtsied in return. She walked next to him as the two worked their way to the little shop. Lily refused to talk about what just happened in the pub and Remus didn't prompt. The street was lined with busy shoppers and students peering in the windows trying to decide, just as Lily and Remus had done, where to shop next.

When they reached the supply store, Lily entered first and breathed in. The store was bigger inside than it looked from the outside. This was Lily's favorite store. She could spend hours there just looking at everything in it. The air smelled of polish and freshly cut wood—the perfect combination in Lily's opinion. The store wasn't too crowded. Only several students from the Hogwarts Quidditch teams milled about looking at all of the merchandise.

"Hello, can I help you?" the witch behind the counter asked. Then, recongonizing Lily from previous visits, smiled and said, "Never mind."

Lily smiled back her anger at James already ebbing away. This is what this shop could do to her. She walked around the store, stopping to look at the newest broom model where several students were already admiring it.

"A Cleansweep Seven! You have one of these?" Lily shrieked to the lady at the counter who laughed and nodded.

"What's so special about that?" Remus asked coming to look at the broom himself.

"It looks like any other broom here." He indicated to the brooms lining the back wall behind the counter.

"What's so special about this broom? What's so _special_? Remus! This is only the best broom on the market! You would need a fortune to pay for one of these! It has the best grip and hand sensitivity; It's twice as fast as any other broom; It has the best aerodynamics out there; And—it's straws are lighter, enabling you to go faster! Oh, I would kill for one of these!"

Remus couldn't help it, he had to laugh. Lily was reeling off facts about this broom like she would reel off facts during a Charms lesson.

"What's so funny?" she barked.

"Nothing, it's just funny how you know all that. You sound like a five-year-old where Christmas comes early."

Remus watched as Lily inspected every inch of the broom. At first it had been funny when she started gushing over the broom. When he saw that it was going to be hours before she would consider leaving it, he pulled her away reluctantly and made her buy her gloves, which took just as long.

"Now, I must get myself a quill," Remus said upon exiting the shop.

"Well, if you must," Lily teased and accompanied him.

Buying a quill was much shorter and less painful than when buying Lily's pair of gloves. As the two exited the shop, Lily remembered that she needed to mail a letter that she had written to her mother.

"Why don't you mail the letter and I'll go see if I can find Sirius? Meet me at Honeydukes in twenty minutes?" Remus asked when Lily told him about the letter.

Lily nodded and set off on her own. It was early afternoon and dark clouds were slowly covering the sky, reflecting Lily's mood now that both boys were gone. She had no more distractions so her thoughts kept returning to the events of this morning and couldn't shake the disgusting feeling that Bellatrix had given her. No matter how much Lily tried to convince herself that Bellatrix was just lying and full of empty threats she kept coming back to her gut feeling that Bellatrix wasn't bluffing.

Lily thought—no knew, deep down in her gut, that Bellatrix was telling the truth with the threat that she had thrown at Lily this morning. Having that thought finally get through to her caused Lily to start to breathe rapidly and start to shudder as wild pictures of what had Bellatrix implied danced through her head.

So wrapped up in her thoughts, Lily hadn't noticed where she was going and tripped over a tree root. She found herself on the ground for the second time in the past hour. The fall managed to shake Lily out of her thoughts and she regained control of herself.

_Lily, you are not weak. Don't let her scare you, she's Bellatrix Black, some physco. You are better than her because you know not to take her bait. She won't scare you anymore! You will not let her. She will leave you alone eventually and if not, you have other options. You can go to Dumbledore, _Lily thought to herself, but even as she thought it, Lily knew that she wouldn't go to Dumbledore. This was her problem and it would stay her problem, and possibly Remus's and Sirius's problem too.

Lily shook her head and got up. After brushing herself off, she saw that she had wandered far outside Hogsmade. The tree root she had tripped on had made her sprawl on the ground near the fence of the Shrieking Shack.

_How could I not notice where I was going? _

A winding path ran through the tall trees that covered the small slope that the pathway took you down. Grass didn't grow there, it was only dirt and rocks.

"This is a great omen," she muttered. "Just as I was thinking such pleasant thoughts too. Today is _not_ my day."

Lily turned her gaze to the Shrieking Shack. Totally forgetting about the letter she was supposed to deliver, she climbed to sit on the top of the fence and hugged one of the posts. She let her eyes wander the haunted landscape. After all, it was called the _Shrieking_ Shack for a reason. It was huge, three or four story house with rotted wood and peeling paint. The wrap-around porch was ruined with huge holes in the floor that were noticeable from where Lily was sitting. The roof sagged in all places, porch and otherwise. Ivy and other plants were reclaiming the house slowly and returning it back to the wild. The yard was uprooted and bumpy where the ghost or monster, or _whatever_ it was that haunted the house, had decided that it was time to totally demolish the only salvageable thing left on the property.

_I really should be getting back,_ Lily thought when she realized that she had been sitting there watching the house for a good ten minutes.

She heaved herself up and climbed back down the fence. With a little thump Lily landed on the ground. She started walking on the path not a moment too soon because coming her way were James Potter and his date.

When Lily passed them on the path, James made no indication that he knew Lily, even though Lily stopped and stared right at him

_What is with him?_ Anger flared up in Lily almost instantly. _He isn't acting like Potter at all! Since when does he ignore me? Isn't the other way around? He tries to get me to notice him! We can't switch places like this! That's not fair!_

Lily looked after James and his date who were side-by-side leaning on the fence. The girl had somewhat of a shape and long fingers that looked nimble and liable to break at any moment. His date was wearing a hood but a wisp of blonde hair blew out from underneath it. The shade of the blonde hair was familiar to Lily but she couldn't quite place why it was so familiar.

She shook off the thought and turned around and started walking. _Poor girl, she's just like any other half-wit who takes a chance with Potter._

Seeing that half an hour had easily passed, Lily started running. She found Sirius and Remus outside Honeydukes. Honeydukes looked so crowded with students from school that it was a wonder how anyone could walk.

"Must have been an important letter," Sirius yawned and stretched and pointed to the letter that was still clutched in Lily's hand.

Lily blushed, "Well, I got sidetracked and I kind of forgot to mail it."

"Sidetracked by what?" Remus asked.

"Um…" Lily stalled. She couldn't admit to the two of them that she was still thinking about what Bellatrix had threatened earlier this morning. They would reassure her like they did earlier and again, promise to do something about it. While Lily was thinking about it, she realized that she couldn't get Sirius or Remus or anyone else involved unless something actually happened.

"Oh man! The way to the Post Office passes the Quittdich Supply Store!" Remus slapped his forehead.

"Why is that a problem?" Sirius asked.

"I had to drag Lily out of there because she wouldn't stop looking at the new Cleansweep Three."

"_Seven,_ Remus! _Cleansweep Seven_!" Lily groaned, but secretly was relieved at the excuse he had so easily provided for her.

Remus shrugged.

"Okay, well I think I'm done for today's trip and I have loads of homework to finish at the castle so I think I'm going to head back," Lily told them.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to head back with you too. Lori is not as good as a kisser as all the guys say. Even Jasmine was better than Lori. But then again, Lori has a great figure…" Sirius trailed off, his eyes getting a far away gleam.

"Okay I don't want to know what you're thinking right now. Remus you want to come back with us?" Lily said.

"I think I will, I don't need any more rubbish anyway, and, like you, I still have a load of homework to do."

"What is it with you guys and homework and studying?" Sirius grumbled.

Remus and Lily exchanged looks and laughed it off. They walked in silence for most of the way back until Lily couldn't contain her question anymore.

"Who was James's date today?" she asked Sirius.

"Er, I'm not really sure. Why?"

"No reason, I just had an encounter with them at the Three Broomsticks and was just... curious."

"Oh," Sirius said blankly. He kept his face impassive and managed to pull off lying to Lily about something that could ruin a friendship, depending on Lily's reaction, which, Sirius gauged, wasn't going to be good even under the best circumstances.


	8. Going Downhill

**Okay this is Chapter 8. Sorry it's taken longer than usual to update. It's been crazy. I had exams all week, then I freaking got sick and it was all down hill from there. Haha but here you go! R&R!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own HP... all Rowlings!**

* * *

Days passed quickly as the season of fall quickly faded to winter.

Mid-November, Gryffindor Quidditch team had its first match against Slytherin. The weather was horrid for playing. It was freezing, snow was flying everywhere, the players couldn't bundle up because extra clothes would have slowed them down. To top that all off, Gryffindor lost to Slytherin by ten points. Lily was thoroughly miserable that day.

By the second week of December, Hogwarts had reached a record high of snowfall. Though Christmas was coming slowly and steadily upon the castle, it did little to improve the moods of the seventh years; Lily Evans especially.

Things had been going downhill since her Hogsmade visit. Mary and Alice were no longer talking to each other and Lily hardly saw either one of them. Alice was always with Frank whereas Mary was always doing schoolwork.

This surprised and frustrated Lily immensely.

Alice was now leaving her in the dust to hang out with Frank Longbottom. Yeah, it had been great to see them together at first, but now it had reached the point of annoyance. Alice always had a sudden burst of bright mood when Frank was around. As soon as he left however, she was back to brooding.

Mary had never cared about her schoolwork before. Lily didn't get why, but she just concluded that since the teachers were literally giving the seventh years homework up to their knees, that Mary had received a wake-up call.

Alice and Mary refused to talk to each other and Lily was left out in the dark to as the reason why. Whenever Lily had a chance to talk to Mary (not that this happened a lot nowadays), and Alice was in the room, Mary would break off mid-sentence and storm away. The same thing happened whenever Lily got a chance to talk to Alice. This left Lily standing there by herself looking stupid.

"I can see smoke coming out of your ears," Sirius commented one day when such a thing happened to Lily.

Lily made a frustrated voice in the back of her throat and gave Sirius the dirtiest look she could muster. This didn't seem to bother Sirius which made Lily feel even worse.

Sirius was another person Lily found herself seeing less of. He seemed to be hiding something from Lily and was found avoiding her sometimes. She always tried to corner him and demand the reason for his strange behavior but he found ways to constantly evade her.

Remus was one of the two people whom Lily found herself enjoying with as company. They always had something to talk about whether it was school or family life. Lily was more hesitant about the latter subject though, so they didn't talk about it as much.

The other person Lily found herself enjoying their company was Marlene McKinnon. This surprised Lily as much as it surprised Marlene. Despite her intense dislike of her at first, Lily only found herself talking to Marlene by chance.

Lily was in the library one late Saturday afternoon, two weeks before Christmas. She had been doing a long, dull essay Professor Kettleburn had assigned about the history of troll wars. She was nearly done when she heard a loud sneezing.

"Merlin! You could hurt yourself sneezing like that!" Lily had commented, putting a period on her concluding sentence. As she looked up she saw Marlene standing in front of her looking shocked and confused as to why Lily Evans, of all people, was talking to her.

"Bless you," Lily added, misinterpreting the look on Marlene's face.

"Thanks," Marlene said cautiously.

"So have you finished the troll essay yet? It's been taking me forever to find information on the stupid, disgusting brutes. Can you believe that the library hasn't that many books on trolls?" Lily asked, measuring her piece of parchment. The essay had to be at least twelve inches long. Lily smiled and rolled her parchment up. Her essay was fifteen inches long.

"No, I can't believe it," Marlene said shakily then burst into tears.

"Uh..." Lily trailed off alarmed and uncomfortable.

_What the hell did I say?_

"Marlene, if it's something I said about the trolls then I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you... or the trolls or whatever..." Lily trailed off nonplussed.

"No, it's not that," Marlene choked out. "It's just that I haven't had time to finish my essay--or any other of my other homework for that matter!"

"Shh, it's okay, just relax. What I always do when is feel overwhelmed is to breathe deeply and take a shower."

Lily gave Marlene her advice and demonstrated breathing in and out when Marlene did nothing more but sob.

"No!" Marlene wailed. "It's my brother-"

"Todd?"

Todd McKinnion was a legend at Hogwarts. He had received the most Outstanding's on his N.E.W.T.s than any other student to walk the corridors of Hogwarts, well, besides Dumbledore himself anyway.

"No--Mitchel," Marlene sobbed. "He was bitten by a werewolf! Fenir Greyback."

Mitchel was Marlene's other older brother who had graduated from Hogwarts just a year ago. He was only eighteen.

Lily's blood ran cold. She had heard about Greyback. He had made _Daily Prophet _headlines weeks ago. He was bloodthirsty werewolf who joined forces with Voldemort. According to the _Prophet_, Greyback had received permission from Voldemort to 'unleash his true nature' upon the wizarding population. Countless names had appeared in the paper each week stating who had been bitten, who had died from the bites, and who had disappeared because of the bites.

"The more werewolves Voldemort has, the better," the _Daily Prophet_ had quoted. "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will do everything he can to rise to power..." Lily only remembered that much seeing as the rest of the article was about ways to protect you and your children against werewolves.

Lily brought herself back to reality and went over to Marlene. She put her arm around her and gave her a shoulder to cry on.

"I'm so sorry Marlene. I can't even begin to comprehend what that must feel like. If there's anything you ever need, just ask."

After a few minutes and very reproving glances from Ms. Heady, the seemingly hundred year old librarian (there was a reason why she was still a Ms.), Marlene had calmed down enough to stop crying.

"Thanks Lily," Marlene managed a watery smile.

"Anytime."

With that Marlene had walked out of the library leaving Lily there with dread slowly creeping into her brain.

Voldemort had been the front page news ever since Mr. MacDonald's betrayal. Now, the _Prophet _only wrote articles regarding Voldemort. There were pamphlets being handed out titled 'How to Better Protect Yourself: Ten easy tips on what to do if presented with a dangerous and life-threatening situation.'

There were also pictures that showed Dark Art threats and captions below them that warned witches and wizards to watch out for whatever was moving in the picture. Dark Art protectors were being advertised and were flying off the shelves faster than ever. Students were being pulled out of Hogwarts faster than ever as well. Worried parents were scared for their children and deciding that they were better protected at home than at Hogwarts, pulled them out.

Lily did not see the sense in this at all. Dumbledore was the only wizard He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ever feared. Didn't that mean something to the parents of the students? To Lily, it was complete and utter stupidity to pull your child out of Hogwarts at such a dark time.

The teachers had already cancelled the next Hogsmade trip, figuring it was better to be safe than sorry. Curfews were being called earlier and earlier and being enforced very strictly.

Nights were the worst when patrolling. Every little sound made Lily jump and she always found herself looking over her shoulder.

_Patrolling with James_, Lily decided, _is absolute hell._

Ever since James had exploded at her in the Three Broomsticks, Lily had suddenly inherited James radar. Everywhere she looked she saw James and had a hyperactive awareness of every movement he made. Whenever he made the slightest movement, she trailed her eyes along his body and followed the movement.

Then, she would scream at herself inside her head. _What the hell do you think you're doing? This is Potter. __JamesdumbassPotter!_

Still, no matter how angry she got, or how much she promised herself that she would stop noticing him, Lily found herself unable to do so. It seemed like a disease, some sick obsession that Lily couldn't be cured of.

It didn't help that James was ignoring her. Whenever she looked in his direction, James was seen looking in a different one. Whenever they had to patrol together, they did it separately, no longer patrolling the last hour together. At first, Lily had been fine, even happy about that, because she was still mad over what had happened at Hogsmade. Then, when her anger had all but ebbed away, Lily found herself wishing that she could patrol the last hour with James again.

She missed his relaxed manner at her silences, the way he talked about absolutely nothing, or how he went on and on about various Quidditch plays. She tried to think of ways she could get him to notice her. Despite her trying to deny it, Lily knew that thinking about James like that would just keep her up at night, so she didn't make any confrontations or do anything else about the matter. She grudgingly let it rest for now.

But knowing all of this did not make Lily happy. She had dared to ask the question 'Why do I miss Potter so much?' All of the answers that Lily came up with only put her in a foul mood and she refused to even dwell on them.

On top of all that, James had been spotted around school with the same girl. Every time Lily saw the girl, she was always wearing a hood so Lily couldn't get a good look at her face. Remembering the time she saw James at the Shrieking Shack, Lily went scouting for all of the girls in the school with blonde hair.

"Lily, you are growing obsessive," Remus told her on day at breakfast. The two were sitting together, seeing as Alice had already ate and was 'studying with Frank' and Mary hadn't even woken up yet, which was extremely rare. Lily had just stopped a very flustered Hufflepuff and demanded if she was James Potter's new girlfriend. The girl had very blonde hair and seemed to be in her sixth year. Remus had to step in and make Lily sit back down. "Stop trying to figure out whom James' new girlfriend is. Why do you care anyway?"

Lily choked on a bit of toast. She thought that at least that much was obvious.

"Well, it is only the first time Potter has had a serious girlfriend! The rest were all just hook-ups! I have been the only girl he has constantly been going after, I want to know how great this new girl is," Lily stated.

"You mean you want to know how much better his girlfriend is than you?" Remus asked shrewdly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you just said that you want to know why this girl is so great. That means that you want to know why she is better than you, why James has stopped doting over you for some other girl--"

"No," Lily interrupted. "I told James that I wanted him to finally leave me alone and he actually listened!"

"Yeah but what made that time so much more different from the all the other times you have told him to bugger off?"

Lily was about to reply but then shut her mouth. Remus did have a point.

"It was just so serious," she said lamely.

Remus snorted. "See? You miss James treating you like that, which means that you may have developed some feelings for h-"

"Don't finish that sentence! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard and if you knew me Remus Lupin, then you would know how absurd that sounds!" Lily raged. She got up from the bench and stormed away muttering about a few loose screws in Remus' head.

Remus took it all with a little smile on his face. He knew what he knew and he knew that he was right. He got up whistling a little tune emitting his happiness. Lily was in for a rollercoaster ride for the rest of the year.

* * *

Things with Bellatrix hadn't been improving at any rate. She had stuck true to her promise. She promised that she would be watching Lily and she was. Whenever Lily walked into class, Bellatrix's eyes were boring into her, gouging holes into Lily's back.

On her way to classes, Lily didn't walk by herself anymore. She had to stick close to someone else for fear of Bellatrix cornering her like she had at the Quidditch pitch. In the corridors, whenever a Slytherin passed her they would fake cry and mutter curses at her under their breath. Bellatrix had taken the trouble to involve all of Slytherin in her effort to try and intimidate Lily Evans.

There was a quality that Bellatrix possessed that Lily was jealous of-- being patient. Bellatrix was waiting for just the right moment to strike. She wanted Lily Evans to know that she meant business: she was _not_ playing around when it came to the threats that she had made.

So when Lily had stormed away from Remus that cold, wintery morning, Bellatrix saw her opening. She went into attack mode. Like a snake, she snuck out of the Hall without attracting any attention. She made an effort to try and look casual while stalking a fuming Lily Evans. She was a panther, stalking her prey. Bellatrix had a special knack for being like that.

Lily was too wrapped up in her anger to notice a black shadow following her throughout the castle, to a destination that Lily herself didn't know.

As soon as Lily turned down a deserted corridor, Bellatrix whipped her wand out.

_"Expelliarmius!" _

Lily had taken her wand out faster than Bellatrix had and had shouted the spell. Bellatrix stood stunned as her wand flew out of her hand and landed on the floor with a small _clunk._

Her surprise was only momentarily as she lunged for her wand. Lily used a nonverbal spell and managed to send Bellatrix into a body-bind before she could reach her wand.

"You didn't think I didn't notice your footsteps behind me?" Lily spat.

"Don't you ever, _ever_, threaten me again!" she snarled. "If you do, you'll have worse things to deal with than your angry 'Dark Lord'."

From where Bellatrix was positioned on the floor, her body was lying face-up. Her eyes were like two dark coals. They sent Lily a look so cold that Lily fought the urge to shudder. She dragged Bellatrix over to an abondanded broom closet and locked her in there and, on second thought, left her wand placed neatly on the outside.

She only put the wand on the outside because Lily wasn't sure that she didn't want someone to find Bellatrix. If someone didn't, it would be hours before someone found her. Lily gulped--but before she could feel too guilty and let Bellatrix out of the closet, she hurried away. Walking up a nearly empty Grand Staircase she wasn't looking where she was going and bumped into James Potter.

The two collided and went down. James smacked his head on the stair while Lily gave a little cry as her ankle twisted in a sickly direction.

"Evans!" James bellowed, clutching his head.

"It was _not _my fault!" Lily shrieked back trying not to let her voice tremble. "Oh my god, you're bleeding."

Lily stared in shock at the blood that was oozing from James's head. Within seconds, James's blood had covered his head, the staircase, and Lily.

"I'm fine," he said thickly, his eyes closed. He had just looked down at his hand, which was covered with his own blood, and fought to keep his breakfast in his stomach.

"James, you aren't _fine!_ You're a freaking fountain!" Lily said, mounting in hysteria. Lily hated blood, the mere sight made her woozy and disgusted. "You need to get to the hospital wing!"

James didn't say anything but tried to get up. He made it standing up but started to sway. He only managed to stay standing by grabbing the banister of the staircase at the last second.

"Let me help you." Lily stood up but instantly fell back down again with a cry. Her ankle had started swelling and was now twice its normal size. Putting her weight on it only made it give out on her and make it feel like a thousand needles were being stabbed over and over again in her ankle. James didn't say anything but his breathing was becoming a bit labored. His head was still spewing blood and he was covered in it. The thing that made Lily get up again was the fact that James's face was drained of color. It was a sheet, so white that Lily was scared. She also thought that this was her chance to get James talking to her again. Now, this had become her number one task: if Lily could get James to the hospital wing, she could get him to talk to her again.

Lily gingerly stood up and tested out her ankle with similar results to the first time she did it, only this time it hurt more.

"Don't put your weight on it," James grunted.

"Don't talk," Lily told him through gritted teeth. She balanced on one foot and managed to grab the banister. "Where is everyone when you need them?"

James started to pitch forward and Lily somehow caught him. She also somehow managed to keep holding him and start dragging him up the stairs. Together, with his help of course, Lily started to get James up the stairs. It took them awhile. James was getting quickly lightheaded and Lily had to stop and rest every few stairs so she could catch her breath. This is how Mary found them as she was going down the staircase, about twenty minutes after the accident.


	9. In the Hospital Wing

**Here is Chapter 9! It's really an emotional chapter, I think so just giving you a heads up! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP all Rowlings!**

**R&R**

* * *

"Hey Jam-" Mary froze in mid-sentence.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" she screamed. That was her favorite Muggle phrase and one she used in only extreme circumstances. "What the hell happened?"

"Get him to the hospital wing!" Lily panted. Her ankle had started throbbing fifteen minutes ago but she had ignored it. James was the number one priority. Now, though, her ankle was on fire and she had to squeeze her eyes shut against every wave of pain that trying to get up the stairs had produced.

"Come on James!" Mary hollered. She had barely looked at Lily.

_Stop screaming!_ Lily shouted at Mary in her head. _It's not going to goddamn help. Yeah and I'm fine by the way, no need to ask how badly my ankle is broken! I'll just struggle along until someone else comes and saves me!_

Mary pulled James out of Lily's grasp and half dragged, half carried him up the stairs. She was whispering something in his ear and Lily could only catch a few words.

"Jamie, we're almost there. That's it sweets, just like that."

_What the freaking hell was that about?_ Lily was fuming as the two rounded the corner. Then it dawned on her, Mary was—

"Lily."

Lily turned around and saw, to her extreme annoyance, Snape coming sautnering up the stairs towards her.

"What?" Lily snapped struggling to stay upright.

"Have you seen Potter at all?"

"No," Lily lied. She narrowed her eyebrows. "Why?"

"Why would you care?" Snape sneered. "When you see him, just tell him that he's finally crossed the line."

With that eerie comment, Snape turned on his heel and walked back down the staircase.

Lily brushed it off and returned to struggling up the staircase.

"Where is everyone!" she cried. The halls echoed back, mocking her feeble efforts.

She was becoming desperate for someone to help her and stared to cry. Her ankle was now hurting her so badly that she had to pause and take her shoe off. Besides the swelling, the skin was all black and blue and purple. Her foot was turned at a sickly angle and Lily turned away, afraid that she would vomit after seeing her own ankle.

She finally made it to the landing that the hospital wing was on. She started hopping down the hallway until a very peculiar thing happened. One of the suits of armor that lined the corridor suddenly fell down with a bang, right next to Lily. The noise startled her and she went flying head first and hit the ground. The last thing she thought before she was rendered unconscious was, "I really hope James gets better because when he does… I'm going to kill him."

* * *

"Lily m'dear! You are looking lovely!"

Lily opened her eyes to see a cheery Sirius Black standing in front of her. A shy Peter Pettigrew was standing behind him.

"Hi," he squeaked out.

Lily gave a half hearted wave and struggled to sit up. She looked out the window and saw her reflection dancing back at her. Cupping her hand around the glass she could make out a few stars. The horizon was green at the edges and quickly turning a dark blue. She was a mess. Her hair was tangled in knots and a huge bump was formed on her head. She touched it and winced. She turned back around and brought her ankle out from underneath the sheet that covered her. It looked perfectly fine, as if nothing had happened to it in the first place. Lily touched it as if it were an illusion but found it to be real. That had been the second time she had broken a bone, the first being when she was really young. It was the first time her broken bone had gotten healed with magic.

"Oh, no you don't," Madam Pomfrey said sternly. She came over to where Lily was and pushed her back down none too gently. "You took a nasty fall. Your head was all muddled so this potion has to be administrated every three hours for the next twenty-four hours. Your ankle is all healed. It didn't take long at all, so don't worry about that." She walked into her office to get the potion for her head.

Lily stared stupidly. "Okay."

"Don't worry darling," Sirius called after Madam Pomfrey. "We'll take care of her. Right Wormtail?"

Peter half nodded and Sirius socked him on the head. "I don't know about you, you fat lard."

Peter was about to protest against being called a fat lard but Madam Pomfrey came back to Lily's bed and gave Lily a foul smelling green liquid and told her to drink up. Lily, prepared for the worst, was surprised at how good it tasted. As soon as the bottle was empty, Lily felt her head tingle. She reached up to where the bump had been and didn't feel it.

"Ah, yes. Works fast doesn't it? Made from the venom of the Venomous Tentactula this potion has several uses such as clearing up headaches, preventing minor memory loss, curing minor internal head injuries, and many other uses," Madam Pomfrey piped up when she saw Lily's face.

"A lot of good comes out of that one bad," Lily said softly.

Madam Pomfrey nodded and turned her back to Lily so she could attend to her other patient: James Potter. When Lily saw James laying there looking so still, everything came back to her: The collision, the blood, the fall, the anger at James, and the knowledge that saving him would get him to talk to her.

"How's James?" Lily asked Sirius.

"Ah, he'll be fine," Sirius said with a wave of his hand. "Prongs is tough, tougher than you think."

"But he _did_lose a lot of blood," Peter interjected. "Madam Pomfrey said that he had to stay another night."

"Wait, how much blood did he lose?"

"A lot… enough for him to pass out."

"But it wasn't that bad of a fall," Lily protested. Now that her head was only a dull throbbing and her ankle was now healed it was easier for her to think of what had happened.

"Er, he hit his head pretty hard," Sirius said quickly, silencing Peter who had opened his mouth to talk. Too quickly in Lily's opinion.

"Is there something you aren't telling me?" she demanded. "It's hard to lose that much blood just from falling on a stair."

"Why would I hold anything back from you?"

"Forget it," Lily sighed in frustration realizing that she wasn't going to get an answer.

She glanced over at James who was lying still in his bed. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. There were no bandages on his head and for a moment that confused Lily. Then she remembered, she lived in a world of magic. That made her roll her eyes at herself. _I must've hit my head pretty hard._

"Now what did he do? I thought you guys weren't on talking terms," Sirius asked following her gaze and misinterpreting the meaning.

"Well, he's kind of the reason why we're here," Lily said quietly.

Sirius grinned as Lily explained what had happened when they collided on the stairs. She left out the part about locking Bellatrix in the closet. She still didn't want to involve anyone else.

"You know, you two are starting to make a habit of meeting like that," Sirius commented when she was done.

"Whatever."

"Miss Lily Evans!" Alice came flying through the doors with Frank following her. "How are you? I just heard what happened! It's all over the school! And oh man, is Bellatrix pissed at you! She's been tearing the school apart looking for you!"

"Stop and take a breath Alice," Lily ordered.

Alice paused in her rant and took a seat next to Lily's bed.

"Why is Bellatrix looking for you?" Sirius fired up at once and narrowed his eyes at Lily furiously.

"And I'm fine, thanks for asking," Lily said ignoring Sirius and referring to Alice.

"There are too many visitors," Madam Pomfrey came over to the bed and chided everyone. "Two of you have to leave."

Lily looked expectantly at Sirius and Peter.

"We'll go and see James," Peter said, seeing the mounting tension between Sirius and Lily. He dragged Sirius with him over to James's bed, directly across from Lily's.

"So you're feeling better Lily?" Frank asked with concern in his eyes.

"Yes, thanks Frank."

"So what exactly happened? Mary has been spreading the story all over the school and I haven't heard the real story yet."

So, once again, Lily launched into her story and watched as Alice's face grew stonier and stonier. When she was finished the room was quiet except for Sirius humming quietly under his breath. Lily looked over at him to see him glaring at her. His look said that he hadn't forgotten his question and still wanted an answer.

"Let me get this straight," Alice started. "Mary barely even looked at you but instead went to see James first? Then, instead of coming to help you both, she only helped James?"

"Well yeah, but that was because I told her too. Only my ankle was broken; James's head was cracked open. Alice, blood was everywhere. No one else was around. I didn't think anyone was going to come."

"She didn't come back for you?" Alice asked furiously.

Lily froze--Mary _hadn't_ come back for her. Very quickly, anger started mounting.

"Lily, you forgot about the Quidditch match earlier today. It was Hufflepuff verses Ravenclaw. That's why no one was around," Peter called from across the room. Him and Sirius were still listening to Lily's story.

"Who won?" a groggy voice asked.

"Prongs! Hello mate!" Sirius exclaimed forgetting about his anger for a second. He jumped up like an excited dog.

"Ugh! Padfoot calm down. Wormtail, a little help here," James demanded. Peter got Sirius to sit down and James took his glasses from the nightstand next to him and put them on.

"Calm down, calm down. You need to take your medicine. Like Miss Evans, you must take this potion every three hours for the next twenty-four hours and I want you to stay overnight tonight. Here," Madam Pomfrey thrust the same potion she gave Lily into James's hands.

James eyed it warily.

"Is it safe to drink?" he asked.

"Drink it," Madam Pomfrey barked. "It's taken all morning for me to get your blood pumping enough to replace all of it that came dripping out of your head."

James grimaced but took the potion. His face changed as it slid down his throat and when he was done he commented, "Not bad, not bad."

He sat up when Madam Pomfrey walked back into her office. "So, anyone want to tell me what happened? I don't remember."

At that moment, the doors flew open again. "Oh, I'm so sorry I haven't been here earlier! It's been crazy today-" Mary stopped short when she saw the glare Lily was giving her.

"What?" she asked defensively.

"Thanks for helping me!" Lily exclaimed.

"When? Earlier today? Lily, you told me that you didn't need any help! You said that James was more important."

"No I did not!"

"You told me to get him to the hospital wing so I did!"

"But you didn't come back for me! You saw us struggling up the stairs! You saw me_ hopping_, for Merlin's sake! Didn't it click in your head that I could have used some help?"

"Well no, but that was only because James looked so much worse than you did! Lily, blood was spewing out of his head!"

"That doesn't matter!" Lily was shouting now. "_You still should have came back for me!_"

Silence followed this remark. The whole time everyone's head had been going back and forth between Lily and Mary like a tennis match. Luckily, before the argument had started, Sirius had soundproofed Madam Pomfrey's office so that she wouldn't come out and interfere.

"Lily it's not all my fault," Mary said calmly.

"Yeah, because you were too busy taking care of _Jamie_ right?" Lily spat nastily.

Mary's face turned red, "What are you talking about?"

"I heard you! Don't act stupid! I heard your whole bloody conversation!"

Mary turned around to look at James. He closed his eyes and nodded. She turned back to Lily whose face looked like it was carved out of stone.

Mary sighed, "Lily, I have something to tell you."

Lily's expression didn't change so Mary went on, "Me and James have been… sort of…dating?"

Mary spoke it like a question and refused to look Lily in the eye. Lily's eyes widened in shock because what she had guessed on the staircase had been confirmed. She found herself unable to say anything so remained silent. Her head was whirling. No one else said anything.

After a time, Lily spoke.

"Why didn't anybody tell me?"

"Lily, we-" Alice started but Lily cut her off.

"We what? You all knew! No one bothered to keep me in the loop? That's why you two were fighting! And why Sirius was acting all weird whenever I asked about the subject! The clues were everywhere," Lily said. She really had no idea what she thought. She was angry, annoyed, frustrated, and, if she really had to be honest with herself, she would say she was the tiniest bit jealous.

Nothing followed this comment except a small uncomfortable cough from Sirius.

"What time is it?" he asked suddenly, looking out of the window.

"Nearly eight o'clock," Frank answered quietly.

"We got to go," Sirius said and scrambled up. "Peter come on."

"Why?" Peter asked.

"Look outside," Sirius ordered.

Peter looked and his eyes widened. They left the room in a hurry. Lily turned around and looked out the window too. There was nothing odd outside except it was darker and a full moon hung in the sky. She shook her head and stared at everyone's reflection. Alice and Frank were looking at each other and talking under their breath. Mary had moved to James's bedside and was holding his hand looking at him. Her lips were moving to a non attendant James. Lily followed his gaze and saw that he was studying her. His eyes were trailing up and down her body trying to read her body language. He could only see her face from her reflection.

Lily turned back around and met James's gaze evenly. Mary had finally noticed that James wasn't paying attention to her talking so she just stroked his hair back from his forehead. Lily tried to read something in his gaze and found nothing. She turned away but still felt him looking at her.

"I think it's about time we go," Alice said, seeing Lily lay back down. "Bye Lils, see you tomorrow." Alice hugged Lily.

Frank waved as he backed out of the door.

Lily had just noticed that the room had turned dim with only a few candles burning. She stole one last glace at Mary and James and saw that their position hadn't changed.

"Stop staring at me like that," Lily snarled at James. She turned over on her side before she could see either of the two's reactions, but no longer felt James's eyes bore into her. She closed her eyes and fell into a fitful sleep that involved bright hazel eyes staring at her.


	10. Consider This

**Okay, here is Chapter 10! I think you might like this chapter, or I'm hoping ahahah. **

**Anyway I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far.**

**And I'm just asking people who have time to put this story on their Favorite or Alert lists to please drop a review. It would be appreciated.  
Thanks!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP... all Rowlings.**

* * *

Lily woke up like she was surfacing from being underwater. She blinked slowly and for a moment forgot where she was and what had happened. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around. It looked early, only five o'clock in the morning early. Lily sighed and yawned and sat up.

"Good morning," a male voice whispered loudly across from her.

Lily stared at him and the events of yesterday came slamming back at her with a fierce force. She pushed her lips together tightly and turned resolutely away from him. Any chance of falling back asleep was now gone. She could have gone to sleep, blissfully unaware of how her heart and head had been wrangled yesterday.

"How are you feeling?" James asked.

From where Lily had turned she had a pretty good view of the wall. She kept looking at one crack that traveled nearly the whole length of the stone wall, trying to block out all her thoughts about James. She concentrated tracing the crack's path where it dipped and swerved and where it continued on its way. It reminded her of a spool of thread that a seamstress had carelessly dropped and hadn't bothered to pick it up.

She felt her thoughts being helplessly pulled into the direction of what happened yesterday. When helping James on the staircase Lily had wanted him to talk to her. After what happened with Mary she wished to never see James again.

"I mean in the emotional sense, not the physical one."

When Lily still didn't answer, James sighed and tried again.

"Fine, I'm taking that as not good. Talk to me," James pleaded.

Lily's face grew into an unreadable mask. She almost gave in to the tempting offer but her anger flared up again as she realized what he implied. She didn't want to talk about _his_ girlfriend, who just happened to be_ her_ best friend.

James changed tactic.

"You're really cute when you sleep," he commented casually. He was trying to get her mad. He had plenty experience in doing so and had numerous ways in which to do it and this one did just the trick.

Lily whipped around and a furious noise emitted from the back of her throat. "How dare you say that! You pig! You have a girlfriend!"

James's face bloomed into a huge grin and Lily realized that she had done what she had been trying not to. James's tactic to try and get her angry had worked. She turned back around again, but this time stared out the window. It was still terribly dark out with only a ghost of the moon left in the sky. Lily was starting to long for summer. She hated it being so dark in the morning. Even in the summer it was light out at five o'clock in the morning.

"You called me James yesterday."

Lily's face registered shock but she quickly masked it before James could see her reflection.

"No I didn't," Lily said, turning back around. She was ready for a fight with James. She would tell him to please, just back off. He was too much for Lily to handle. She couldn't keep dealing with the emotional roller coaster that James caused. In just the past couple of weeks he had caused frustration, annoyance, longing, jealously, hatred, tension: it wasn't good for her health.

"Yes, you did."

"Potter, just stop okay! I wish I had never even seen you this year! You haven't done me any good. It's been up and down, up and down for the past four months. I never know what to think of you. Each day it's something different! I can't figure anything out!" Lily had started to try not to cry and squeezed her eyes shut against the onslaught of tears that threatened to break.

"Now, you're making me cry!" she wailed in frustration.

"Lily, do you… do you have any… well… feelings for me?" James asked hesitantly.

Lily heard him get up and come over to her. He smoothed her tangled hair away from her face.

"Oh, no you don't!" Lily tried to tear his hands away from her face. "You aren't doing this to me! Don't touch me!"

"Remus told me about your conversation with him." James took his arm away.

"What conversation? The one where we talked about you? That conversation didn't mean anything, we didn't even finish it," Lily muttered darkly through her tears.

"So he's right?" James asked. Lily could read no emotion in his voice and didn't know if he was trying to keep it controlled.

"No! James, why can't we just be normal! Why do you always have to push it to another level? Why can't we just act like we don't know each other? We don't have to always be the gossip of the whole bloody school!"

"Because we both know that neither of us wants it that way!" James's voice was close to shouting.

Another occupant in the hospital wing stirred and both Lily and James froze. Lily was on the bed and James was leaning over her. If someone were to walk in they would walk in they would walk right back out so as not to interrupt anything. The occupant sighed and rolled over and the other two starting breathing again.

"I know what I want," Lily said resolutely. Her tears had stopped and she reached around James to splash her face with water from the basin that was put there yesterday for her. After a good cry she always felt that she needed to splash her face with water and feel refreshed, even if it was at five o'clock in the morning. She threw her hair up in a bun at the top of her head also.

"I don't think you do," James snapped. "I ask you out all last year _and_ the year before, you turn me down every single time. I offer you some friendship _only_ this year, you flip out. I don't talk to you and I ignore you like you tell me too, then suddenly I see you everywhere I look. You are _everywhere_. You try to attract my attention, get me to talk to you."

He had bent down to Lily's level. They were now eye to eye. "You don't know what you want. You have feelings for me," James stated quietly.

Lily, forgetting all of the time she agonized over this very subject, went ahead to challenge James's statement with two words: "Prove it."

James laughed in Lily's face, all tension gone for the moment, and bent down closing the gap that had been between them.

Their lips met as an electric shock ran through Lily's body. Everything had an extra fine quality to it. She could feel James's body against hers, larger, buffer, just big enough for her to be wrapped up in. She could feel her hands move up to James's hair and could feel her fingers getting tangled in it. She could feel James's heartbeat next to hers. She could feel how _alive_ he was. As she got deeper into the kiss, she realized how alive she felt too. She could feel James's smile and how happy he was at that very moment. They were communicating beyond words and Lily found that she was liking it, if only a little bit.

After a time they broke apart, each panting slightly. James started laughing a quiet laugh.

"What's so funny?" Lily demanded. Her head was a whirl of thought. She let it whirl and didn't address any of the thoughts that pressed down upon her.

After a time James stated, "You liked that."

Lily didn't say anything. She couldn't say anything. She didn't know what to think. She liked being in this state of unawares. James was slowly dragging her back into reality. He was dragging her into things she didn't want to admit to.

"No, I didn't," Lily said regaining her use of thought.

James was grinning and he started laughing again. "Then why do you have that silly smile on your face?"

Lily hadn't realized she was grinning and wiped it off faster than she could blink. As the impact of what happened hit her, she scrambled out of bed on the opposite side of where James was.

"Merlin! What did I just do? Bloody hell James, you have a girlfriend, who just happens to be one of my best friends! You toe rag, you vile little son of a—"

"Lily!" James interrupted her.

Lily ignored him with a wild gleam in her eye. "What happens if Mary finds out? Our friendship is already spinning down the drain, we aren't like we were last year! James what the hell—"

"Lily!" James nearly shouted.

He stared at Madam Pomfrey's door, afraid that she would come out, but no noise stirred within. Lily stopped with her eyes full of questions and accusations.

"Mary isn't going to find out if we don't tell her. I'll break up with her if that's what you want... or I'll just tell her what we did," he added weakly seeing Lily's face turn into a mask of anger.

"You will not break up with her for me! She likes you too much and I know that you like her."

James paused to collect his thoughts, "Lily, I think we need to talk."

Lily turned to look at him. He was pleading with his eyes.

As Lily looked at him she saw that he wasn't going to budge, he would argue. She sighed, she would talk to him and try to figure herself out. "I'm listening."

If James was going to be mature about the whole situation, so was Lily. She sat at the end of the bed and tucked her legs under her. James sat across from her and did the same.

"Where to begin," James said.

"We need to talk about our… 'relationship' if you can even call it that," Lily ordered. "So that means we have to start at the very beginning of all this mahem, if you will: the start of fifth year."

James nodded for her to go on. He would hear her side then let her hear his.

"So it was the beginning of my fifth year at Hogwarts. I wanted it to be as great as fourth year was. I had it all going for me: I had gotten the top grades in the entire year, I had not a care in the world, I had great friends. Then I walked onto the Hogwarts Express and saw you standing there with your cocky, annoying grin.

(At this point James wanted to interrupt. He opened his mouth, then thinking better of it, closed it and let her continue.)

"Oh how I wanted to slap that grin right off but I restrained myself, that is until you asked me a question in the most I-already-know-the-answer-to-this-question type of voice. I found my chance after one Quidditch practice. Then I went into attack mode. By the way, I'm still not sorry for what I did. I hated the way you and the other three pranced around the school as if you owned it. Fifth year came and went and I lost a few friendships but gained new ones. You were relentless the whole year through. Not once did you give me a break in your constant asking me out.

"After the incident at the end of fifth year I think I actually hated you. I didn't know how anybody could be so… so… so cruel. Then Snape said what he said and I was fed up with the both of you. The anger did not ebb away over the summer and I guess it carried into last year. I can't believe you're still walking with some of the things I did to you. They weren't very… nice. But after awhile, I noticed _some_ change in you. At first I couldn't quite place it but as summer came again, I realized you had started to mature.

"This year, seeing you after three months, I saw that I was right. You confirmed it by not asking me out the first time you saw me. Now we're here, sitting, talking about our feelings," Lily finished with a wan smile that looked forced.

"So far, this year has been… confusing to say the very least. I can't figure you out Potter," Lily went on, careful to say Potter instead of James. "Every time I see you, I see someone different."

"Did you ever think that maybe it's you, not me, who has been causing you grief?" James asked. "I think you are in self-denial. You keep going back and forth between me."

"And I think you are a cheating piece of scum but you don't hear me complaining about that," she snapped back. Then she realized how immature she was acting and quickly shut up and waited patiently for him to tell his side.

James was about to point out that, yes she did complain about that, but decided it was better to keep his mouth shut. He was thinking quickly. Everything Lily had been saying was making sense in regards to his earlier question about asking if she had feelings for him. She hadn't really given him a straight answer. From her little self account of what happened between them for the past three years, he gained information that told him that she was totally lost when it came to him. His chest puffed out a bit to know that he turned cool, collected, calm, smart Lily Evans into a confused, hotheaded, girl in self-denial.

"It's your turn," Lily told him, yawing again, seeing that he would need prompting.

James looked at her and grinned. Lily remained expressionless but her heart gave a little jump. Lily hadn't realized how much she had missed his crooked grin that he reserved just for her. She hadn't even seen him flash it at Mary. She smirked a bit knowing that she had the upper edge compared to Mary. Then she was horrified at herself and refused to meet James's eye.

"Sometime in early September in my fifth year, I, James Potter gained more confidence than I ever had. I knew that I and the other Marauders ruled the school. We, well Sirius and I, could get any girl we wanted in the whole school. We wielded that power every single day as more and more girls thrived to be the center of our attention. That is until I took notice of one pretty little red head: you Miss Lily Evans.

"I had tried every trick in the book to get you to notice me. When my rather subtle acts failed to work, I decided to take the more direct route. But I guess they weren't so subtle if you slapped me the first time I took an interest in you. I went up to you after one Quidditch practice and directly asked you out. You turned me down flatly.

"But, me being me, I refused to give up. I asked you out every day after the locker room incident. Still, you turned me down again and again. You were one jewel I didn't have in my collection. At first, I'll admit it, I had asked you out just to have another prize in my collection of girls." When James said that he saw Lily narrow her eyebrows and open her mouth as if to say something nasty but he hurried on, cutting her off.

"As fifth year ended though, I started to mature more and realized how shallow that was. When the whole scene at the lake took place, I found that I had some actual feelings for you instead of chasing you just for fun. What Snape had said made my blood boil and that fueled my goal to have you say yes when I asked you out. I starting thinking about you all of the time. All of my thoughts were filled with pretty little red heads.

"When sixth year started it was no different from fifth year except that you started blowing up furiously at me every time I asked you out. It was worse than fifth year. Soon, we became the talk of the school where whispers would fly saying 'Did you see what James and Lily did today?' or 'Hey, guess what happened between Potter and Evans!' Sixth year ended no more successfully than fifth year had.

"I started to become dispirited. This year, Sirius, Peter, and Remus told me to 'Lay off of Evans, stop asking her out. Gain her friendship first, then you can try asking her out again.' So I decided, 'What the hell?' I started doing that but you had decided not to have a set mind. Whatever I did, you found something to do, totally the opposite. If I paid attention to you, you would ignore me, if I ignored you, you would try and get my attention.

"I have no idea what to do Lily. I want you and you know that," James finished looking at Lily with such an intense look that she found herself avoiding his gaze.

"If you don't take me, I'm not going to be done. I know what I want and I know that what I want is you. I'm not going to stop asking you out all of the time. This isn't just about you. I have feelings too."

Lily stared at him and weighed her options. What he was saying was scaring her. But it wasn't the things that he said that was scaring her but the way she was reacting to them. She was starting to believe that James really could do that to her. She was staring to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could let herself like him back.

"Okay," Lily said after a bit. "This is what I want you to consider…"


	11. Questions That Have No Answers

**Okay this is a really short chapter! Just bear with me because this is from James's point of view. I wanted to show everyone how James was feeling in regards to what happened between him and Lily. He is so confused right now. I needed to insert this before I kept going with Lily's point of view. Haha so read and review!**

* * *

James Potter walked along the grounds of Hogwarts pondering about what Lily had told him or rather asked him. The grounds were actually very beautiful. Snow was falling softly from the granite sky. It was layering the day old snow that had coated the ground. The lake was frozen and had marks on it from people skating.

He didn't get that girl at all. She never ceased to surprise him or frustrate him or anger him for that matter. A year ago he knew what to expect from her; now he didn't what would happen tomorrow.

_"I want you to consider us starting over. We should start at the beginning. We'll reintroduce ourselves and take it from there. You are not to ask me out, hit on me, flirt with me, or show any other forms of affection that one might misinterpret as being more than just friends."_

_James had stared at her shocked. Did she not just hear him say his previous statement? James was about to open his mouth but closed it seeing the look on Lily's face and the fact that she interrupted him with her next statement._

_"I'm not asking you to decide or to do anything right away, but at least consider it. As you said before, this is just not all about you."_

_They had both elapsed into silence. After Lily had yawned yet again James went back to his bed and had lain down. Sleep overtook him until he woke up earlier in the morning to find Lily's bed already empty._

Since then, James hadn't stopped thinking about what Lily wanted him to do. He knew it wasn't fair for him but he reasoned it was better than Lily looking at him like he was a bug that she wanted to squash. He sighed. He knew he would abide to Lily's demands because in the end, that could be the thing to get her to admit her feelings for him. Oh yes, James firmly believed that despite all the weirdness that had gone on between them in the past four months, not to mention the past three years, that Lily Evans had more than friendly feelings for him.

He started walking around the lake for the fifth time that morning when he saw something sparkling on the ground. Picking it up, he gained some inspiration in regards to his Lily situation. He pocketed his little find and continued on. His spurt of good mood vanished as quickly as it had come. He reflected what else Lily had asked him to consider.

_"You will not break up with Mary unless you honestly don't want to date her anymore. She likes you too much and it seems that you like her a lot too," Lily said. It seemed to James she spoke it a little reluctantly and angrily if not jealously._

Too bad that Lily didn't know that James had of late, only been stringing Mary along. At first he was surprised to find that he really liked her. Then, as the relationship went deeper, James realized that Mary was annoying him to no end. He realized that she was no Lily. No matter how close Mary and Lily were, Mary wasn't Lily.

James knew that he would keep her for a little while longer if only not to upset Lily too much.

"Jamie!" a voice sang out over the grounds.

_Speak of the devil_, James thought sourly, _and the devil will appear._

"Mary."

James gave his hand to her outstretched one.

"How are you? Are you feeling any better?"

"I feel perfectly fine actually, like the whole incident never happened."

Mary's expression grew dark as they started walking.

"I wish it _had_ never happened. Now Lily hates me, Sirius won't talk to me. You know how close those two are. I guess Lily's reaction really made him angry at me. Alice is still giving me the cold shoulder. But at least we're in it together. Lily hates you too. Sirius is your best mate so I can't really talk for him, but Alice isn't talking to you either."

Mary's mood brightened when she said all of that aloud.

James did his best not to act annoyed that Mary had it all wrong. Lily didn't hate him or even her for that matter. Sirius wouldn't talk to Mary that much prior to all this anyway. James could care less about Alice Brhant. Her not talking to him was the least of his worries.

"It's okay though," Mary told James. "We'll get through it…"

James was suddenly disgusted with her. Some beast deep inside him started to rebel. It clawed at his insides the more Mary talked. The beast was asking him why he was dating Mary when he could be spending useful time chasing a redhead. James tried to reason with the beast.

_It's not fair for Mary._

_But it's not fair for you either._

_I'd be a shallow jerk._

_Like you didn't know you were one anyway._

_Lily would kill me._

_You know that she already wants to kill you for going out with Mary in the first place._

That shut James's brain up and he let the beast take over.

"…And I think that I… love you," Mary finished the speech that James hadn't been listening to.

The beast and his brain both reeled back in shock. Mary was the first girl to say 'I love you' to him when he wasn't making out with them or doing…things… with them in broom closets.

Mary looked at him expectantly as if she was expecting him to say it back. He had never, not once, said to a girl that he loved her. He had no idea what to say to Mary. The beast was still in shock and his brain was now dead.

"Er…" James trailed off not quite sure what to say. 'Mary, I think we need to talk' would only freak her out. She might refuse the relationship to be over James panicked.

_James say something quick. If you don't answer she'll be just as mad as if you had. Say something, anything. _

"Mary, I think I need to tell you something."

They both stopped walking and faced each other. Mary waited for James to go on. They were still holding hands James realized, so he quickly took his hand away and stuffed it in his pocket. He wrapped his hand around his wand in a stabilizing grasp.

"This isn't working. We need to… break up. I realized that I'm not one for a long-term relationship."

"What?" Mary asked blankly, staring at James.

"This whole relationship isn't working for me anymore. I can't keep stringing you along. If I did, you would be hurt a lot worse."

Mary turned away and stared out over the lake.

"It's Lily isn't it?" she said with some bitterness.

"No—"

"Don't lie to me. I know it's because of Lily. James why do you do this to yourself? She doesn't like you back! Why do you put yourself through that? Doesn't it hurt? Don't you ever get tired? She's just a girl, like any other girl. Tell me, through our whole relationship, did you feel anything? Or were we just going out because I'm Lily's friend? Did I mean anything at all?" Mary started crying.

James was totally perplexed. They had been going out for a month, not even. She was crying for Merlin's sake! She must have really meant that she loved him when she had said it.

"Look Mary, I'm really sorry. I can't answer those questions myself. I've tired! I can't figure it out. I have no clue why I like her or why I keep chasing her! I don't know why I do it, but there's just something different about Lily! Half the time I wish she never existed but I know life would suck if she didn't! I did genuinely like you at first. As time when on, I realized that I didn't anymore. Some beast had been unlocked inside of me and it yearned for Lily. I realized that I couldn't keep dating you,_ you aren't Lily_! I don't know anymore! I don't know!"

James had started to cry out of frustration. The whole situation was backwards and upside down. Why couldn't Lily just say yes to him? Just one time!

He punched the nearest tree and drew blood from his knuckles. Mary's questions had no answers. James knew that they should but they didn't. He didn't get it and he didn't think he was ever going to.

Mary had stopped crying when James had started. She watched him with his glasses slightly askew, blood dripping down his wrists.

"You love her," Mary said softly.

Sure, everyone said it but no one really knew how true it was. Even James didn't know that he really loved her. He had always said it in passing, passing it off as not big deal. He used to tease Lily with that fact but he didn't realize the weight of his words. They were really true.

"Love who?" James snapped pushing his knuckles to his eyes to stop the flow of tears.

"Lily Evans."

"No I don't! _I don't know what I feel about her!_ I can't figure her out! It's more of a sick obsession!"

"James you love her. If it was an obsession then Lily would be getting a restraining order for you. You wouldn't be allowed near her. You love Lily Evans and you don't even know it."

"I've told you hundreds of times—I don't know what I feel about Evans!" James screamed. He removed his hands away from his face. There was blood where his knuckles had ground into his skin and his eyes were now dry.

"Forget it James," Mary said icily. "There is no way to win with you. No wonder why Lily doesn't bother to deal with you." She stalked off back to the castle leaving James standing like a lost toddler in dire need of directions.

James sat down in the snow and started crying again. This time it was a silent cry of pity. He had tried to forget Evans, ignore her. It hadn't worked. He had tried to get her attention, get her to like him. It hadn't worked. He had asked, practically begged, for her to give him a chance. It hadn't worked.

And he couldn't stop, he couldn't give up. And he had no clue why.

After an hour or two, he was jolted out of his agonizing by a soft voice. He looked up and silently cursed himself.


	12. Turning Things AroundMaybe

**Okay Chapter 12. Hopefully I will update sooner seeing as school is out!!! WOHOOOO! Haha but anyway in the middle of the chapter there is a lot of italics--that's Lily's dream. **

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* * *

"Where is Alice?" Lily Evans barked to a nearly empty common room. "Does anyone know where she is?"

"Is she with Frank?" Mackenzie Prewett asked smiling.

Lily ignored her because she just saw Frank walk into the common room and march up the boys staircase, alone.

_Aw what the hell?_ Lily thought.

She needed to talk to Alice and Frank would know exactly where she was. Lily walked over the the staircase and after a moment's hesitation, marched up. She stopped outside the seventh year dormitory and raised her hand as if to knock. This was the first time she had ever been in a boy's dormitory before. As soon as Lily realized that, she realized how prude that sounded.

_God I need to get out a lot more. I'm nearly seventeen for Merlin's sake! I haven't even been in a guy's dormitory._

She banged her fist against the door with three quiet knocks. While she was waiting for someone to answer the door she studied the door. _Seventh Year Dormitory _was carved into the door in neat, boyish script. There was a huge knob carved in the shape of the Gryffindor lion eating a snake.

_And people wonder where we get the House rivalaries from,_ Lily thought sourly.

She stood and stared at the thick oak of the door for another couple of minutes before it dawned on her that no one was going to answer the door. So, she did the only sensible thing she could do and barged right into the room.

"Whoa! Lily!"

"Jesus Lily!"

"Knock next time!"

The three boys in the dorm complained and yelled at her from their various positions around the room.

"Oh, get over yourselves," Lily said coming all the way into the room. "It's not like I haven't seen you guys in worse conditions... well maybe not you Frank but I have seen you and Sirius in pretty bad situations." She addressed Peter and Sirius.

"Lily, you are lucky I have pants on."

Sirius got up from where he was lying on the bed. He stretched and yawned, grumpy from being awoken from his nap. His hair was rumpled and snarly and he rummaged around on the ground for a shirt. The room was actually quite disgusting. Clothes were strewn all over the room willy nilly, the beds were rumpled and unmade, food was sticking to some places on the floor, trunks were puking books, wands, robes, and so on. Lily wasn't even sure if she was standing on the actual floor or just pieces of junk.

"You guys are _disgusting_." Lily reached down and picked up a book between her thumb and index finger. "I would have never known this was a book if I wasn't reading them constantly."

"Yeah, we all know that your hygiene is better than ours blah, blah, blah. Is there a reason why you are actually here?" Sirius asked annoyed.

"Don't the house elves clean up after you guys?" Lily ignored Sirius.

"They stopped after we told them too. We didn't want them interrupting anything one of us might be doing," Frank finished lamely.

Lily's face contorted after she realized what he implied, "That was too much information. Why I came here was to ask if you had seen Alice at all today."

Even though the question was directed to Frank, it was Peter who answered. "I saw her walk out of the common room just minutes ago. She was muttering something about meeting somebody, or needing to talk to them or something."

"What do you mean?" Frank asked sharply rounding on Peter.

Peter shrugged. "I don't know but it looked pretty important. She was practically running."

"I'm sure it isn't anything big," Lily assured Frank. His face was stone and he kept glancing at the door.

"I'm going to go look for her," he said. With that he walked out of the room, slamming the door loudly.

Lily stared open-mouthed after him. Sure, Frank really liked Alice but to find her just because she was meeting somebody? That was boarding on obsessive. She wasn't an object or anything and Frank couldn't keep restricing her. Who cares if she talks to some other guy? Lily was starting to get annoyed, not for the first time that day.

She exhaled loudly, this was turning out to be a _really _long day. It was barely past one and she had already had a long talk with James, gotten out of the hospital, had actually talked to Mary a little while ago, and now was standing in the boys dormitory.

"You look really tired Evans," Sirius said finally noting the bags under Lily's eyes and her sigh. He walked over to her and lifted her chin. He looked into her eyes and turned her head side to side. "Your eyes are bloodshot and you look pale. What have you been doing lately? You should sit down, actually, on second thought, lay down."

Sirius led her to a bed directly across from the door to the left of where Sirius had been sleeping. "Tell me why you look like this?"

Sirius sat on his bed as he listened to Lily's account of her and James's conversation and how she hadn't been able to sleep after it. Lily told him of her conversation with Mary.

_"Lily! Lily Evans!" Mary MacDonald was sprinting up the staircase after Lily._

_Lily turned around and saw it was Mary. She put on a bored and annoyed expression. _

_"What do you want?" she snapped._

_"James broke up with me," Mary was panting a bit from her run._

_Lily's mood changed instantly and she fought to keep her emotions in check. What surprised her the most was that she wasn't even angry. She was more thrilled, excited, and happy, which scared her more than being angry would have._

_"What? I told him not too," Lily said, now confused._

_"Well he did. Lily I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. Merlin, I am such a shitty friend! I can't believe I totally ditched you and Alice for James Potter of all people! Lily I feel terrible, horrible! I feel like the world's biggest git. I know I'm a prick and I'm so sorry!" Mary had started sobbing. _

_All of Lily's anger melted away when she realized Mary had hurt herself as much as she had hurt Lily._

_"Mary," Lily began. "Calm down. You aren't the world's biggest prick but you could be the world's biggest git."_

_Mary chocked a bit and Lily exclaimed, "I'm kidding! Mary I forgive you."_

_Even as Lily said the words she knew they were true. In all honesty she had missed Mary. Without her, Lily didn't really have anyone else seeing as Alice was always with Frank. "You're one of my best friends! I just wish you had been..." Lily trailed off looking for an appropriate word, "...smarter. What you did hurt. Just promise me you won't do it again."_

_"Lily I promise. I've missed you and Alice! I haven't talked to her in ages. Maybe you can talk to her for me?" _

_"Sure, I'll try." Lily had promised._

_"Thanks! You're awesome Lily, truly awesome." Mary had sprinted up the rest of the staircase. Lily had no clue where she was going._

Sirius listened intently as Lily finished. She yawned again and actually laid down.

"All of that happened just today?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

Lily nodded.

"So James finally broke up with Mary. It's about time. I mean I really supported him going out with her in the first place, you know, to get you off of his mind. There is only so much one man can take. Then James was becoming a jerk to everyone about the whole situation so I was really regretting him asking her out in the first place. But I'm more worried for him now that he's broken up with her."

Lily looked at him quizzically. She was fighting to keep her eyes open but the bed _was_ really warm and it _was_ really comfortable. She gave in and shut her eyes.

"Well, now he has you on his mind. He's going to think that he can actually get you to say yes to him."

Lily nodded and said sleepily, "So?"

"You're going to have to give him a chance."

Lily laughed a soft laugh and said, "Maybe I will," before giving in to sleep.

Sirius stared at her dumbfounded. "Did she just say that she'd take a chance with James?"

Peter nodded, wide-eyed. "I think she did! Should we tell James?"

Sirius considered for a moment. Part of him wanted to say no and shake James out of this cloud he was in. It wasn't healthy to be doting over some girl like he did Lily. On the other hand, James was Sirius's best mate and he had a right to know if he even stood a chance. After a little more consideration Sirius nodded his head once.

"Let's go find him."

Before they left the room, Sirius walked over to Lily and stared down at her. "Lily," he whispered knowing that he probably sounded like an idiot for talking to someone sleeping. "Please give the bloke one chance, just one. I know that for some of the things that he's done he may not entirely deserve it, but he does try. Not every guy does that for you. Hell, I don't think any other guy is sane enough to. Give him one chance."

When he was done talking, Sirius saw Lily's eyelids flutter as her eyes roamed over something unseen to him. He sighed and pulled the blankets around her then left the room as quietly as a shadow.

* * *

_The world was dark and quiet, very different from what Lily Evans was used to. Black, ominous clouds blotted the sky and kept coming in threatening waves. It looked like rain was coming but she wasn't sure. Thunder rolled and lightening crackled and the air held an electric tinge to it. Lily was starting to become afraid and looked for cover from the approaching storm. It was only when she ran past Hagrid's hut and into the Quidditch pitch that she realized that she was on the Hogwart's grounds._

_She ran into the locker rooms only to escape a lightening bolt that had singed the earth right where Lily had stood only moments ago. As she stood there panting she heard the rain come in a loud torrent. It sounded like nails were pounding the roof._

_"Evans, glad to see you have finally made it," James Potter called from where he was at the chalkboard. No one else was in the locker room, only her and James. __Lily couldn't get her voice to work; she only squeaked in response. _He looked casual leaning against it but his face told Lily otherwise._James's face was all wrong. It was bloody, older, harsh, cold, stone. His robes were muddy and bloodstained._

_"See what you have made me into? I'm a bloody monster. I'm always in pain. I'm never fully whole. I don't thirst for anyone but you. But you don't care! You never care!" he screamed at her. "Now, it's too late for anything to be done." __James started laughing. His laugh sounded like the lightening that was crackling outside._

_Lily was frozen where she stood, silenced by fear and immobile by panic. She was petrified by this monster that was James. She was petrified that it was her that changed James into this...this...this thing._

_Then, in one swift movement, he cried out and lunged at her. Panicking, Lily backed away but tripped over her feet. She fell to the floor with a loud thud and huddled on the ground. She didn't dare get up. She braced herself for an impact but none came. Lily sat up hesitantly and saw a stag watching her. It stood six feet tall and only seemed somewhat mature: its antlers weren't fully developed. It's eyes were the same color as James's hazel ones. Not the cold, scary James, but the one Lily had always known. Actually, everything about the stag seemed to scream James's name..._

_...Suddenly the dream changed. Lily was no longer standing in the Quidditch locker rooms, but in the Great Hall. _

_"Fancy seeing you here Lily," a cold voice said genially. _

_Lily turned around and saw James sitting at a table. She couldn't say anything back, her voice was long gone._

_Lily walked over and sat down across from him. Something was off, she just couldn't quite place it. Then it dawned on her, he was sitting at the Slytherin House table with his hair slicked back with oil. His glasses where gone and so was his personality. He seemed like cold marble only shaped like James. Fear quickly replaced the unease in her stomach. Lily tried to stand up but couldn't. She started struggling and thrashing around. She couldn't get up._

_James laughed his lightening laugh, got up, and walked behind her. He breathed on her neck._

_"You will know what I went through. You will know the pain that you gave me."_

_Lily shook her head; her tongue felt like lead in her mouth. Her eyes grew wide and fearful as James changed. His teeth grew longer and sharper until they were like needles. His face turned stark white and his eyes turned into red little slits. His body grew bigger and wider and hunched. _

_"No!" he screamed in a voice that wasn't his._

_Lily started screaming a silent scream as daggers were pushed into her body. Everything was on fire, she couldn't see straight, think straight. Once the pain subsided Lily dared to open her eyes. Her body was fine, not a stratch on it. James laughed to the right of her and Lily whipped her head around. He wasn't there. She whipped her head to the left but he wasn't there either. The laugh came again but it seemed to come from the walls, not a particular person. _

_With some unknown knowledge, Lily found that she could get up. She ran down the length of the Great Hall. She almost reached the door when the voice screamed "NO!" again._

_Lily was reduced to a withering heap on the ground. This time the pain was worse than before. She could feel the blood pounding in her ears, the pressure was building up. Her skin became kerosene and a match was lit to it._

_"Stop," Lily moaned. She had found her voice. The pain subsided again and Lily got up, only to be back on the ground once more after another wave of pain came her way._

_"NO!"_

_Pain. Blinding lights dotted Lily's eyes._

_"Stop."_

_"NO!"_

_A black void swarmed Lily's conscious._

_"Stop."_

_"NO!"_

_Lily's head was exploding like a game of Exploding Snap._

_"Stop..."_

_

* * *

_"Stop...Stop...Stop!"

"Lily! Lily! Evans!" someone bellowed.

Lily calmed. She was in the in between state of sleep and awake.

"Shh, it's alright," the voice was very soothing.

With a sudden jolt, Lily Evans sat up straight... and collided with James Potter.

"Ouch!" she yelled as her hand flew to her forehead.

"Damn, you have a hard head."

"What happened? Where am I?" Lily asked groggily. There was a cold sweat that covered her body and she felt gross and sticky with it. She remembered she was in the boys dormitory. James was sitting on the edge of the bed."The last thing I remember I was in the Great Hall, and you were there! But it wasn't you, it was an evil you. I was petrified! All I felt was pain...because you wanted me in pain."

"Shh, Lily it was just a nightmare. It wasn't true. I wouldn't ever hurt you," James assured her. He wanted to hug her but he thought that would be going too far so he just smoothed her hair away from her face.

After a few moments Lily calmed down. She laid back down.

"What time is it?" she asked looking up at James.

"Six o'clock."

Lily closed her eyes. Falling asleep was stupid on her part, she had too much work to do and now she would have to do it all tonight and tomorrow night.

"Don't fall asleep again," James warned. "We have practice at seven."

"Why are you here? How long have you been here?"

"Er, this is kind of my dormitory and this is kind of my bed," James gestured to the bed that they were on. "I've been here for an hour watching you."

"You've been watching me sleep for an hour?"

His cheeks flushed bright red as Lily stared at him. He nodded sheepishly.

Interrupting there conversation was a loud bang as the door was thrown open. Sirius walked in and his mouth dropped when he saw Lily and James sitting on the same bed.

"Sorry mate, didn't know I was interrupting anything," he said a bit uneasily.

James shrugged and winked. "It's all good. We were just finishing up."

That even got Lily to laugh. Sirius looked lost and started playing with his hands.

"I'll just leave now," he said awkwardly and walked out.

* * *

**(A/N)And I wanted to get an opinion about something. I really liked having last chapter in James's point of view so I was wondering if I should do that again later in the story or just stick to Lily's point of view? Please give me some feedback!**

**Oh and thanks to everyone who has stuck with me! I love the review!**


	13. When's the Last Time You Slept?

**Hey guys sorry for the long update! I have barely been home all week. So this is chapter 13 and it's sort of dramatic. **

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The next week and a half went by pretty quickly in Lily's opinion. The snow was ever falling, creating some drifts as big as Hagrid. Christmas was only days away and the Hogwarts Express was going to pick up the students in four days. Lily and Mary were acting like the whole period of her dating James had never happened and Lily was okay with that. She didn't want to ruin their rather delicate relationship by saying something that would offend Mary. Besides, Mary was one of Lily's best friends. Alice was another problem that was beginning to resolve itself. As of late, she had been complaining to Lily and sometimes even Mary, about how annoying Frank could be.

"He can be so jealous and clingy!" Alice complained one night while the girls were grouped around the fire in the common room. Alice and Mary had made up two days after Lily and Mary had. It surprised Lily to find out how loyal Alice was to her. She had only ignored Mary and gotten into a fight with her for Lily's sake. If Lily hadn't resented James so much, Alice probably would have let the issue drop. Thankfully, ever since the incident in the boys dormitory, Lily had been treating James with a new found friendship.

"Why don't you tell him that?" Mary asked shoving some pudding into her mouth. She had taken some up to the common room after her and Lily had dropped into the Great Hall after Quidditch practice. The three were sitting in a corner by a window watching the snow fall lazily onto the ground.

"It's not that simple," Alice sighed. "He's somewhat sensitive and I still really like him. Just sometimes I wish he wasn't so nosy. That day he found me out on the lake with James he was so mad I could have sworn there was steam coming out of his ears."

"Wait," Lily interrupted. She looked up. She had been silent the whole time, focusing on her last essay before she departed for Christmas break. The teachers had assigned a load of homework for over the holidays and Lily had been working her butt off to finish it so she could be free for Christmas. "When did you ever talk to James by the lake?"

Alice and Mary exchanged glances.

"The day James broke up with me," Mary explained. "He was really...emotional. I said some things that upset him."

"What exactly did you say?"

"Well, I told him that he broke up with me because of you. He said he didn't know how he felt about you and I said..." Mary trailed off unsure of whether or not to finish the sentence.

"Said what?" Lily asked, genuinely curious.

Mary looked at Alice who nodded so she said very quickly, "I said that he loved you and that he couldn't admit it to even himself, that he didn't even know it himself. Then Alice went down to the lake to help him...straighten things out."

Lily remained silent after that remark and stared out of the window where it was already dark out. She didn't know how she felt about what Mary had just said. She knew what she thought about it but didn't know how to take those thoughts and examine her emotions with them. She knew that she was starting to actually tolerate James and she found that he actually wasn't all that bad. He was actually pretty nice and really fun to be around. She also knew that James liked her more than just a friend. She knew that she was possib--probably(she reasoned) starting to like James back. The fact that she admitted that fact to herself made her exhilarated. She felt that she was moving onto unfamiliar ground that she was once forbidden to enter, but now found herself unable to stay away. Instead of scaring her, it thrilled her.

"Lils, I think it's time for you to patrol," Alice said quietly, pointing out the clock. It had just rung nine times.

"What?" Lily asked dumbly, pulling herself away from her thread of thought.

"You've been staring at the fire for twenty minutes thinking about a certain someone--" Alice said noting Lily's blush and laughing. "--don't think I don't know."

"Get a move on and tell us what you've been thinking about when you get back," Mary called as Lily got up.

She blushed again and stretched, ignoring her two friends laughing about her. Walking out of the common room Lily muttered a bunch of curses directed to Mary and Alice condemning them as to how they knew her so well. Per usual, Lily was lost so deeply in thought she hadn't been paying any attention where she was walking. She was supposed to be meeting James in the Great Hall but she found herself on the third floor. The corridor she was in was deserted seeing as curfew was being pulled so taunt that the students had to return to their common rooms by eight o'clock. Quidditch practices were the only exception.

Lily walked down the corridor, noting how loud her footsteps sounded on the marble floors. Only every other candle was lit, casting long shadows on the walls and making the corridor very dim. There were hardly any portraits in this particular corridor and the ones that were there were pictures of still life. Overall, the corridor was creepy enough to make Lily stand on edge.

_Why are you so afraid?_ Lily chided herself._It's a bloody empty hall for Merlin's sake! No one is going to jump out at you and say--_

"Boo."

Lily screamed at the top of her lungs but was quickly silenced. She grasped her throat and tried to talk but found herself unable. She turned around to see Bellatrix, Avery, and Crabbe stalking up the hall after her. They were dressed in baggy black cloaks and had their hoods pulled up, throwing their faces into a half-shadow. They looked like feral panthers, cornering their prey.

Bellatrix had laughed hysterically when Lily had screamed. Her wand was held lazily at her side and her eyes held a wild gleam that was easily interpreted for insanity. Avery and Crabbe had their wands held in front of them and flanked either side of Bellatrix.

"Did you really think you could have gotten away with what you did Mudblood?" Bellatrix spat, all traces of her previous laughter gone. Her voice was now angry and serious and deadly. She and her two henchmen stood only a few yards away from Lily.

Lily started to panic in her mind. It was working overdrive trying to figure out a way out of this situation. She slowly started to back up as Bellatrix advanced. Lily's wand was tucked somewhere in her robes and if Bellatrix saw her go for it, she would attack. Lily had to keep her talking.

_But how?_ Lily desperately thought when she remembered that her voice no longer worked.

"You locked me in a broom closet for four hours! _Four hours!_" Bellatrix's voice was rising as she escalated into a shriek. "Mudbloods have no right to even look at a Pureblood such as me! You are the filth under my shoe! You are as low are lower than dirt! _You will pay for what you did to me!_"

With an inhuman scream Bellatrix held her wand rigid and muttered a word that put horror into Lily's brain.

_"Crucio!"_

For a moment nothing happened but within an instant, Lily was reduced to the ground withering in pain. Everything was on fire, everything was pounding, everything was being split into a hundred pieces. It was the worst pain Lily had ever experienced. It was like being hammered with nails everywhere over and over again. It was like being stabbed with a thousand knives over and over again. It was like having your heart ripped out and put back in, then having it ripping back out again. It was exactly like the pain Lily had in her dream last week only this time it was real. Black spots appeared in her vision.

As suddenly as the pain had come, it ended. Lily laid on the ground shaking and sweating. She heard Bellatrix emit a loud cackle and the sound was the worst Lily had ever head. She looked up and saw the witch herself standing over her. She had a wide smile on her face, distorting her features, making Lily scared. She let out a strangled cry as Bellatrix whispered the curse again. Once more, Lily was thrust into a world that knew nothing but blinding, excruciating pain.

Just as before, Bellatrix lifted the spell, making it last longer than the first time. She did this three more times until Lily was nearly crippled with the pain.

"_Stupey!" _

A voice rang through the pain, soothing and clear as a bell.

_"Stupey!"_ it yelled again.

Two of the figures above Lily crumpled to the ground with loud _thud_s. Instinctively, Lily knew that it was Crabbe and Avery who fell. Bellatrix was also calling to Lily's savior so that was another clue that she was not one of the two knocked unconscious.

"Come on Potter! Come save your Mudblood girlfriend!"

_No James, don't,_ Lily silently protested feebly in her head. _She wants to instigate you. Don't let her get to you._

Calls of _Stupey_ and _Crucio _were screamed at the same time as the wizard and the witch attacked each other. White and red light bounced off each other and Lily heard the ground vibrate a bit with the signal that someone had fallen. Lily still had her eyes closed and squeezed them shut even tighter as she tried to stop her swimming conscious. Unable to fight off the black wave that threatened to overcome her, she tried to give in and let herself fall down...down...down...

...Until someone pulled her back up.

"Lily, come on Evans, listen to me. Listen to my voice. You're okay, come on now."

Lily stirred, wanting to ignore the voice and keep sinking into the dark coolness that was very welcoming.

"Evans!" the voice of James Potter grew frantic. "Come on! Wake up!"

Lily groaned aloud and opened her eyes. She saw James bending over her with worry etched into every line of his face, which was only inches away from hers. She shifted position and her body screamed in pain as she tried not to let it show on her face. Quickly her brain went into shock and everything developed a soothing numbness.

"Just lay down Lily, you aren't going to feel exactly up to anything at the moment," James's voice was restrained and detached.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked numbly. She was still reeling from the Unforgivable Curse that Bellatrix had used nearly five times.

"I can't even believe that you haven't blacked out. Lily, that curse kills witches and wizards left and right. Fighters only survive that curse or they go mad from it. Jesus that _bitch!_" James stalked to where Bellatrix was lying out cold on the floor. He brought his foot back and kicked her as hard as he could in Bellatrix's rib cage. Again and again until he heard a loud crack. Bellatrix didn't so much as stir when her rib cracked.

_That's going to hurt a lot when she wakes up_, Lily thought dimly. The black wave of unconsciousness was back, threatening to flood Lily's mind. Black spots appeared in her vision so she closed her eyes. She still heard James's uncontrollable rage as he took out his anger on Avery and Crabbe. For a moment she felt pity but quickly brushed the thought aside as she finally gave in to the black void.

* * *

"She's fine."

"No, she's not."

"Yes, she is. Look at her. There is no physical damage done to her! You can't just waltz into the hospital wing and ask Madam Pomfrey to cure her. What's she going to cure Lily from? You can't tell her someone used _Crucio_ on Lily and expect her to believe that. Especially if you tell her it was another student!"

"But look at her, she's been like this for two days and two nights! I had to tell all of the teachers that she was feeling under the weather and just needed a day or two in bed!"

_That's more than forty-eight hours,_ Lily thought as she slowly opened her eyes. Her body was stiff from the Unforgivable Curse and from the fact that she had been lying in the same position for two days and nights.

"And now she's awake," Sirius commented drily. He was perched on his bed to the right of James where Lily was currently sleeping. He had been listening to Remus and James argue for the last six hours about what to do concerning Lily.

Remus and James stopped arguing for the present.

"Lily how do you feel?" James demanded coming to her side.

Lily blinked. His eyes were red and bloodshot, glasses slightly askew. His hair was more a rumpled mess than usual.

_James Potter has been worrying over me?_Lily thought with unexpected pleasure. She could find no other reason as to why he would look the way he did if it weren't for her. Then Lily remembered what had happend two nights ago.

"I think I need to talk to Dumbledore," Lily stated.

James barked out a laugh that slowly grew hysterical. He was laughing from the pure reason and logic that Lily's statement made. It was either that or start crying. Telling Dumbledore hadn't even crossed his mind, instead he just wanted to make sure Lily was alright first. The curse that Bellatrix used _killed_ people. By some unknown miracle, Lily had been spared. James didn't know if that was because Bellatrix was still pretty inexperienced with such dark magic. He knew that her intent was strong enough, that much was apparent. Either way, James was thanking every god he knew.

Lily studied James quietly for a moment and a thought ran through her as clear as a bell: _He's a pretty good guy._

She studied his face and finally saw what every other girl saw when looking at him. She raked her gaze along his sharp, even jaw line. His nose was carved perfectly to fit his face and make him look balanced. His glasses only accented his wonderful hazel eyes. _They are actually a more golden color than hazel,_ Lily thought. Then she quickly jerked herself from her watching as a blush slowly crept over her cheeks.

"What's so funny?" Lily finally snapped, returning to the present. She was starting to feel more and more like herself as the curse slowly removed any traces of itself from her body.

"Lily, you truly are a fighter," James said standing up. He swayed on his feet a bit. To Lily, James looked exhausted.

"When is the last time you have gotten any sleep?" she demanded. The only remnant of the curse was her aching body. Aside from the fact that she was pissed beyond belief she felt perfectly fine. Everything was in working order.

"Two nights ago," James answered quietly, closing his eyes. It looked as if he could just fall asleep while standing. It was too overwhelming for him to see Lily fine, as if the curse hadn't even affected her.

"Merlin! Go to bed now and stop worrying about me! I'm fine. See, all of my limbs work. I'll go tell Dumbledore while you sleep." Lily bounded out of bed, wincing as her aching body was forced to actually move. She gritted her teeth, sucked it up, and walked out of the room.

Sirius and Remus weren't far behind seeing as they made sure James made it to a bed before bounding out of the door after her. Nothing could keep him awake. Whereas Lily had walked out of the common room, Sirius and Remus stayed in the common room and went to talk to Alice and Mary who had gotten up to talk to Lily but sat back down again when they saw her march right past them.

"How is she?" they demanded when the two boys reached their table.

"Fine I think. She went to tell Dumbledore now," Remus said wearily. "James hasn't had two nights of sleep because of her."

"You guys," Sirius said solemnly. "I think our Lily has developed feelings for James."

"What do you mean?" Mary asked slowly.

"Well it's obvious really," Alice pointed out.

Six sets of eyes turned to Alice who shrugged self-consciously.

"You guys have known it too," she went on. "Ever since the beginning of the year Lily has been eyeing James. She's noticed changes in him and herself. They are both growing up. Mary, when Lily found out you were dating James she nearly blew the roof off of the castle! She is falling for James Potter. Falling hard, I think."

"Well, she has a funny way of showing it," Mary commented.

"Lily has been hating on James for how long?" Remus counted off the years on his fingers. "Three or four years. It takes longer than a few months for her to admit that she likes James, even to herself. She has had a bunch of reasons why not to like James and it's going to take a lot for her to be shaken out of them. Old habits die hard."

"Then what do we do?"

"Get them together of course!" Sirius exclaimed.

Alice and Remus rolled their eyes as Mary jumped up at Siruis's idea.

"That's bloody brilliant!" Mary yelled.

"Yeah and how do you two propose doing that?"

"Well..." Sirius started.

* * *

**Oh, and thanks for your opinions on whether or not to do more chapters in James's POV. I'm gonna do more in his!(:**


	14. A Present From An Unusual Creature

**This is Chapter 14! It's kind of a slow chapter so just bear with me. I needed it to explain everything regarding Lily and Dumbledore. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own HP all Rowlings!**

**Read&Review!**

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"Enter," the gravelly voice of Dumbledore was muffled seeing as there was a door between Lily and him. There were other voices that were only mere whispers but were carried loud enough so that Lily could hear them. She became nervous wondering if Dumbledore was holding counsel with anyone, and, if so, how many other people were in his office. Lily took a deep breath and looked at the Professor next to her. She stared down at Lily with a grim expression on her face. Her lips were pulled taunt in a straight line as her nostrails flared. If one didn't know her better, they would think she was angry instead of anxious.

After Lily had walked out of the common room she headed down the staircase then came to a screeching halt. She had realized she had no clue where Dumbledore's office was. Despite going to Hogwarts for seven years, Lily hadn't been to his office once. Up until that moment she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. After standing uncertainly on the staircase for a few minutes deliberating, she walked to her Transfiguration classroom and saw McGongall sitting at her desk grading papers. Peter was sitting in one of the desks in front of her writing lines for what could only be detention.

"Professor," Lily said tentively. All of her earlier confidence was gone as the logic of what Remus had been arguing his point with, came crashing down on her.

McGongall looked up, her glasses perched far down on her nose. "What is it Miss Evans?"

"Er, I need to talk to Professor Dumbledore."

"Whatever for?" McGongall asked. "I can answer any question that you may have. Professor Dumbledore is very busy with the Ministry, not to mention the rest of the world, wizarding and otherwise."

"Please, Professor," Lily pleaded. McGongall was not Dumbledore but she was like his second-in-command and Lily didn't know why she couldn't tell her what happened with Bellatrix. She reasoned that she wasn't sure how McGongall would react and thus didn't want to tell her.

"I'm sorry Miss Evans, but I cannot let you see him unless you give me a valid reason."

Lily felt her reslove waver then totally collapse. A few moments passed before she finally got the courage to talk.

"Another student used an Unforgivable Curse against me," she whispered quickly while looking down.

"Excuse me?" McGongall asked nonplussed.

"I said another student used the curse _Crucio_ against me," Lily repeated.

This time she looked McGongall in the eye. The second time saying it was much easier than the first time. In addition to that, she could read McGongall's expression. Her face adopted the qualities of stone. While before she was writing when talking to Lily, she now dropped her quill and stared Lily down.

"Miss Evans, that's something quite serious to accuse a student of," McGongall said rather sternly. Her face had drained of any color and her lips were nothing more than a tine line near the end of her face.

"I'm not accusing any student of anything," Lily started. "I know it happened. I saw another student do it to me. Nearly five times!"

McGongall stared at the expression on Lily's face deliberating for a moment. She finally said, "Follow me."

McGongall whisked herself out of her chair and out of her classroom calling over her shoulder, "Mr. Pettigrew finish those lines and leave them on my desk. If I'm not back by the time you are finished you may leave."

Lily looked at Peter who was staring at her almost wistfully and returned to his line writing. Lily didn't blame him. She had been in detention only once before and it was something she didn't like to dwell on.

McGongall had led her though corridors and floors into a place of the castle Lily had never been before. They walked past portairts who subjects looked nearly as old as the castle itself. They muttered among themselves until one barked out a greeting to McGongall who returned it with a curt nod of her head. After a few minutes of walking, the two women, one barely of age, one considerably older, stopped in front of a hollow in the wall. Inside the hollow was a huge golden bird. Lily looked around her, confused. They had come to the end of the brightly lit corridor and there were no other hallways leading off to yet more hallways and rooms.

"Cream savers," McGongall barked at the golden bird.

Lily jumped back in shock and surprise as the great bird sprung to life and started rotating higher and higher until it disappeared into the cealing of the hollow. Stairs had appeared and before Lily knew it, McGongall had already begun marching up the winding staircase.

_Cream savers?_ Lily thought to herself. _Of all the passwords Dumbledore could think of--_cream savers_?_

Lily shook her head and brushed away the thought that had made her smile in disbelief. She headed up the stairs after McGongall. The staircase wasn't as long as Lily expected and soon the two reached the grand oak doors that separated them from Dumbledore.

After Dumbledore had commanded them to enter, Lily took a deep breath and opened the door. What she saw in Dumbledore's office nearly took her breath away. It was an enormous round room covered in hundreds of portraits of previous headmistresses and headmasters--Lily saw after reading the plaques under some of the portraits--that had been talking before Lily had entered but had now shut up. She could feel their eyes boring into her back as she emerged further into the room. On various shelves there were assorted wizarding trinkets that must have had some use to them, just none Lily could see right away. They were whirring, chirping, making all sorts of noises that made Lily edgy. There was a bright bird, the pure color of blood, sitting on a perch next to a small flight of stairs--if you can call three steps a flight. As Lily walked by the bird it turned a warm eye onto her. Lily froze. The bird's eye was unlike any Lily had ever seen before. It was deep and shiny. As she gazed at the bird she saw that it contained infinite wisdom, from the way it stood to the way it stared. Then it opened it's beak and let out a squak. Suddenly the bird seemed younger than Lily had first perceived it to be. She shuddered a bit with the feeling that she had just witnessed something great.

When she turned to walk up the stairs she came to a schreeching halt. As she nearly fell over, a pair of strong hands held her upright and steadied her.

"Ah, Miss Evans, please excuse me. I thought that Minevera here, had left you behind," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as he talked. "I have seen that you have met Fawks. A phoenix is a strange and wonderful creature. They are much more intelligent than humans. They have unusual powers and seem to know when they are most needed. If a phoenix ever comes to you, never not take what it has to offer no matter how insignificant it seems. Now word has reached me that you have accused another student of doing wrong to you?"

He led the way up through the rest of his office which was just as grand as the first section. The strange instruments had ceased to a quiet humming, actually quite calming despite Lily's previous opinion. Dumbledore went and stood behind his desk. In the front of the great piece of mahogany furniture, McGongall sat twisting and untwisting her hands in her lap. Lily came and sat next to her in the other only empty chair. It was plush and comfortable, not something that Lily would have thought that Dumbledore would allow a student to sit in. Outside, the sun was just dropping below the Forbidden Forest's tree tops casting the grounds in long shadows. Students were making their way inside from their time in the snow. The only good day that had appeared in awhile and Lily had been out cold. She cursed herself silently and watched Dumbledore's profile against the glass panes. He was a dark shadow against the bright light from the sun.

"Professor McGongall has told me that another student used one of the Unfogivable Curses against you? " he asked, still not turning around. His hands were clasped tightly behind his back.

Lily nodded then remembered that he couldn't see her and said nervously, "Yes, Professor."

Dumbledore turned around and stared at Lily. She met his gaze evenly and saw that he was now grave. He turned to McGongall and they communicated without words. Dumbledore stared at Lily again and sat in the tall chair behind his desk.

"What you are stating Miss Evans, is very serious. Are you sure what you are saying is accurate? Could you have somehow mistaken the words muttered for the curse?"

Lily's expression turned into that of a defiant one and narrowed her eyes slighty. "No Professor. The curse _Crucio_ was used against me nearly five times."

Dumbledore's face contorted into shock.

"And you are still living to tell the tale? You aren't dead? You aren't driven mad?" His tone of voice was disbelief. He came out from behind his desk and studied Lily. He could find nothing wrong with the girl. "May I ask who did this?" The way he stated his question left Lily no other option but to oblige, not that she didn't want to anyway.

"Bellatrix Black used the actual curse. Avery and Crabbe were there as well though they didn't actually use a curse," Lily added a bit ruefully.

McGongall jumped up and said, "Albus, I think we need to talk in private for a moment. Lily if you could just wait on the staircase for a moment, please."

Lily walked out of the room without another word. She was wondering if the teachers would believe her. They didn't seem to until Lily had told them who had done the curse. Maybe Bellatrix wasn't exactly great in any of the other teacher's eyes either. The seconds slowly trickled into minutes until Lily was on the landing for nearly ten minutes. McGongall opened the door, ushered Lily in, then left the room in a hurry.

"Minerva has gone to get Miss Black," Dumbledore explained when Lily saw down. Lily hadn't even been curious as to where McGongall was going. "I'm afraid that what you have said will have to be confirmed by her."

"But she won't admit to--" Lily was silenced by the look that Dumbledore gave her.

"Lily, there are other ways to reveal the truth. Now, I know that you have a better track record than Miss Black. You have done excellent at this school with only one detention to note of. Because you are such a great student, I feel inclined to believe that you wouldn't lie about such grave matters. Until Bellatrix is here, we cannot prove anything."

Lily was about to open her mouth. Then she shut it when she processed what he said. _'I feel inclined to believe that you wouldn't lie about such matters.'_Dumbledore believed Lily. She sighed in relief and waited patiently and quietly for McGongall to come back.

Within half an hour she was back, dragging Bellatrix behind her. When Bellatrix saw Lily, her face--which earlier had been expressionless--contorted to a scowl that was feral. Lily looked away and returned her attention to Dumbledore. He was sitting with his fingertips touching, forming a temple-like shape.

"Miss Black, please take a seat." Dumbledore waved his wand and another chair identical to Lily's appeared next to Lily. Bellatrix eyed the chair and decided that it was safer to sit rather than stay standing. Lily noticed that she sat on the very edge of the seat casting nervous and wary glances at Dumbledore and McGongall.

"Miss Evans has informed us of a grave encounter that she had with you the other night." Dumbledore looked throuh his half moon spectacles at her with such an intense expression, that Lily was sure that he would know if Bellatrix was lying.

Bellatrix eyed Dumbledore like a mouse cornered by a cat.

"I did no such thing," she stated, growling.

"Then I would presume that Miss Evans is lying to me and to Professor McGongall?"

Bellatrix's face grew expressionless as it was when she first entered the room. "Of course."

"Then can you please tell me where you were two nights ago?"

"With Snape," Bellatrix said through clenched teeth. "Why does it matter?"

"May I see you wand?"

"Excuse me--"

"Your wand Miss Black. Please," Dumbledore said as he reached his hand forward to take Bellatrix's wand.

"I will not give you my wand! It's mine! What do you want with it? What are you going to do with it?" She cluthched her wand close to her chest, cradling it against her.

"Miss Black unless you want me to take it by force, please hand your wand over," Dumbledore said sharply.

The sun had sunk over the tree tops allowing Lily to see Dumbledore's face in detail. His slighty crooked nose was pointed downwards as he peered at Bellatrix over the top of his glasses. His eyes were sharp and alert while his body said otherwise. There were bags under his eyes that were noticeable in the half-dim light. His body seemed to want to shut down and sleep.

Lily looked at Bellatrix wondering what she was going to do. With a half-strangled noise she threw it at him. He caught it easily with one hand. He ran his hand along it as Bellatrix watched eying him with great distaste. _If looks could kill_, Lily thought, _I think Dumbledore would be dead._

Dumbledore waved the wand and muttered something too low for Lily to hear. Then he moved it in a complex pattern. Still, nothing happened. Then he took out his own wand. He ran its tip along Bellatrix's wand. He did this for five minutes, muttering under his breath at random times. Lily couldn't see that he was doing anything to the wand. After a few more moments he stood straight and handed Bellatrix back her wand.

"Well?" McGongall asked.

"There is no trace of the curse on the wand. This wand was not used for _Crucio_," Dumbledore said flatly.

Bellatrix gave a satisfied smirk before reclaiming her wand. She stuck it into the folds of her cloak instantly then stood up just as quickly. Lily's eyebrows knotted together in confusion that quickly turned into disbelief. She opened her mouth to protest but Dumbledore silenced her with a look.

"Miss Black you are free to go and I suggest you finish packing seeing as the train leaves first thing in the morning."

Without so much of a glance back, Bellatrix swooped out of the office leaving behind nothing but bad feelings.

"Minevra, if you please. I would like to talk to Miss Evans alone."

McGongall looked back and forth between the two then sighed and heaved herself up. She left quietly and quickly.

"Miss Evans, I am almost positive that you are not lying to me. I believe your story over Miss Black's. There have been other recent...events that have also happened, much like yours. Bellatrix Black has been accused in almost every one. It seems that you aren't affected as a witch or wizard would normally have been affected. I think that is because Bellatrix is quite inexperienced with Dark Magic and hasn't quite gotten the grasp on how to use it. However, we have no proof against her thus we cannot do anything about it. My advice to you is to stay out of her way whenever possible. She has something cooking under her slave that we have yet to discover. Until we know what is driving her, we cannot confront it."

"Excuse me sir," Lily glanced at him. "But do you have any ideas about it?"

Dumbledore sighed, looking like he had aged more with the meeting he had with Lily than when she had see him all seven years of her schooling. "Miss Evans I have countless ideas, but my theories keep circling each other and leading back to the same point."

Lily waited for him to elaborate but he never did. When she realized that that was all she was going to get from him, she stood up.

"Sorry Professor but it's nearly time for rounds."

"Go on and be done with it. Just remember what I said Lily," Dumbledore warned, calling her by her first name. "Bellatrix is a very real, very threatening enemy. You would do well to watch your back. If you ever need anything else, please come to me, never mind how insignificant or unimportant it may seem."

Lily nodded curtly and walked down the three steps. Before leaving, she stared at Fawks. He gazed back, never once wavering. Soundlessly he reached out his leg and unclenched his fist. Something small and silver fell to the ground with a loud _clink_. Lily looked at the bird then back down at the silver thing on the ground. She bent down and picked it up. It was a simple silver chain with a small, thin, charm in the shape of a wand. In fact, it looked strangely like her wand. She fumbled around the folds of her robe and produced her wand. It was, in fact, identical to hers.

"Thanks," she whispered to Fawks, pulling the chain around her neck. She waited a bit for the bird to acknowledge her but then she realized it never would.

Without another word she slipped out of the office and down the staircase.


	15. This Might Be a Good Ride After All

**Here is Chapter 15! It's a shorter than my other chapters because it's once again in James's POV. I think that from now on whenever I do a chapter in his point of view they are going to be shorter than my other chapters. I think...maybe. Tell me what you think.**

**Read&Review**

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James Potter woke to the feverish noise emitting from his dormitory. He blinked, disoriented and looked around until the recent events of the past couple of days crashed down around him. He groaned and sat up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and reached for his glasses on the table next to his bed. He never remembered taking them off but thought that one of his fellow friends must have put them on the table for him. James shoved them on his nose--just to have them fly off again.

"What the heck--?"

"Sorry mate," Sirius called. He had a thick book in his hand that he had 'accidently' hit James over the head was scurrying around the room looking for items and muttering to himself. "Now I know that I put that Fanged Frisbee over here somewhere..."

James watched as Siruis started to crawl around under his bed.

_You couldn't pay me enough to look under his bed,_ James thought with humor. _There are things living in there that even the magical world hasn't discovered._

"Is he still looking for his frisbee?" Peter asked walking into the room. He had a blueberry muffin in his hand and was not taking extra care to eat cleanly. Ever since a female figure had talked to Peter he had gotten it into his head that girls would want to talk to him. He had started to go on a diet, which as far as James could tell, was not going too well.

James nodded in response to Peter's question.

"Argh!" Sirius raged. His voice came through to James, muffled and incoherent seeing as he was under the bed. He could see the blankets on top move as Sirius floundered around under his bed.

"And I'm guessing he's found it," Remus commented dryly, walking into the room in Peter's wake.

James sniggered and got up. "Why is he looking for it anyway?"

"He wants to take it to your house." Seeing James's blank look, Remus added, "Prongs, it's time to leave for Christmas break."

"What!" James started to scramble around the room. "How long was I out for?"

"Only a night," Remus said calmly. "You two never learn! Why do you always wait until the last minute to pack? I made Peter start packing last week. I tried to get Sirius to pack too, but as you can see, he obviously didn't heed my advice."

"Damn thing!" Sirius came out from under his bed with his hair fallen in his face and dust sparying everywhere. He waved the frisbee around in annoyance. "Nearly bit my damn finger off."

James didn't blame the frisbee. It was managled and dirty and somehow managed to have chips and cracks in it.

"I think you are exgerrating a bit Padfoot," Peter said as sat down on his bed with his muffin. He was about to take a bite before Sirius swatted it out of his hand and shoved his finger in Peter's face.

"Does this look like exaggeration to you?"

His finger was dripping blood but it was nothing big. Just a long, shallow scratch that ran the length of his middle finger.

"Look at that Padfoot," James commented. "The finger that you use the most is now damaged. What a shame. How will you ever go on?"

Sirius grimiced and shrugged dramatically. "I have yet to find out."

Remus chuckled at the two a looked at Peter who was holding the muffin again.

"Don't eat that," he said wearily to Peter. Peter looked back and forth between Remus and his muffin then heaved a sigh and chucked in the rubbish bin. Remus shoot Peter a look shaking his head at the thought that he would even think about eating the muffin. God only knew what germs it picked up while on the ground.

James returned to his own packing problem and got started right away. He checked his watch and cursed: the train left in less than half an hour and he had barely even begun packing. With a burst of speed, he went around the room picking up clothes here, grabbing a book there, finding his robes under there. Siruis finished a few minutes before James did, despite his head start. When the two boys were done the room was considerably a lot cleaner than it had been previously. In some places you could even see the floor.

"You guys did pretty good," Remus said appreciately. "It still doesn't help the smell though."

"Moony, don't be such a girl!" James shoved him.

"Let's go," Siruis announced before Remus could shove James back. With that he started the decent into the common room.

The three boys followed, levitating their trunks in front of them. When they reached the bottom of the stairwell, they paused. The common room was in complete and total chaos. Most of the older students had done exactly what James and Sirius had by waiting until the very last minute to pack. They were rushing around the common room gathering loose quills, pieces of parchment, books, robes, and any other item that they felt was necessary to bring home for Christmas break. It was pathetic actually and if the teachers could see what had happened they could be appalled. The boys watched as their room mate Frank rushed up the stairs muttering about a gift to himself.

"He's been talking about Alice nonstop," Remus groaned. "He's been asking me for advice as if I would know how to help him! I don't even think he knows that I don't talk to girls. Being friends with you I'm even surprised that I don't talk to girls."

"You are almost as pathetic as Peter," James laughed.

"Moony, you just look like the advice type...not that I would ever come to you for girl advice," Sirius quickly added, not seeing Remus's look, but instead thinking of _him, _Sirius Black, ever needing advice about girls. He started laughing aloud at the thought. Then he caught Remus's eye and quickly shut up.

They set their trunks on the ground and without spoken consent waited on a couch for Lily to appear from the girls dormitory. They waited in a comfortable silence while watching the flurry of the common room quiet down slowly. When nearly the last person was done scurring around, Lily had walked down the staircase. She was in front of the four Marauders but they hadn't seen her there, and stood in the stairway watching them. As she stood watching the four, it dawned on her that this was the first time she had ever really saw them.

Looking at Peter she saw that he was starting to get some backbone. He wasn't admiring the other three like he would have at this time last year. Instead his gaze remained fixed on one pretty girl whom Lily recognized was in her sixth year. Lily also noticed that Peter was sitting straighter and taller. Maybe it was the trick of the light but Lily thought that even some of his acne was going down.

She then shifted her gaze to Remus who currently taking out a book from his trunk. He rifled through it until he got to the page he had left off. Lily watched as his expression changed from word to word, line to line, page to page. He also seemed to be listening to Sirius making comments about whatever and smiling and laughing in all of the right places. When he stopped reading to shake his hair out of his face Lily also saw how worn he looked. This was who Remus really was: a fantastic friend who was a good influence and knew what to say to make someone feel better.

Sirius got her attention while he had to be telling some kind of story. He was flinging his arms about and making gestures. Lily had to stifle a laugh as he nearly hit Peter over the head. She saw him laugh at his own story and watched as he threw his whole body into the laugh. Once he was done he still had that charming smile plastered onto his face while his hair fell smoothly across his forehead. Sirius had always been this way: serious when he needed to be, easy-going when he didn't.

Finally, her attention focused on James. He was staring out into space with a slack expression. His eyes glinted furiously behind his glasses. He seemed the most relaxed Lily had seen him all year. His posture was easy and his face no longer bore any tell-tale signs of stress. Lily smiled to herself. She liked James this way. He was vunerable when she was looking at him. He didn't have a crowd around him, teachers breathing down his back, a girl to impress. He was just James having a good time with his best friends. He wasn't being someone he wasn't.

Suddenly Sirius saw Lily standing by the staircase, alone, with just her trunk.

"Lily! Finally!"

James tore his gaze away from space and really looked at Lily. Slowly, his face broke into a dazzling smile as he and the other Marauders got up. He watched her standing in the stairwell and couldn't stop smiling. Her hair was pulled back from her face which was, in fact, very rare. Her cheeks were flushed, making her eyes brighter and her appearance warmer. She was dressed in a simple robe and that's what made James the happiest. Lily was a girl who didn't need a ton of make-up or fancy clothes to make herself feel good.

"What?" she finally asked feeling self-conscious.

"Nothing," James replied easily. "Just waiting for you."

"Why?"

"We wanted to know how your meeting with Dumbledore went."

"Oh."

Lily looked at the four and started walking out of the common room. As they walked down to the Great Hall where all of the students were gathered, James listened to Lily as she explained her meeting with Dumbledore. When she showed James the charm Fawks gave her, he just stared at it, an idea forming in his mind.

"Don't get rid of that," Remus warned Lily. "Whenever a phoneix gives you something, it's foolish to not use it. Their gifts often have unique powers or special spells that end up helping the wearer."

Lily nodded. "Yeah, that's what Dumbledore said."

"So, Bellatrix got off easy then?" Sirius inquired. His demeanor was casual but his tone was anything but.

Lily nodded again. "Dumbledore had no proof that she did it."

"Why didn't you call in James as a witness?" Sirius dropped the casualness.

"Because I wasn't think of it at the time!" Lily said putting up her defense quickly. "Calm down! Even if I did call in James his track record isn't exactly clean!"

"Yes, but James and me aren't known for being liars!"

"It's okay, Padfoot," James said interjecting quickly when he saw Lily open her mouth for another retort. "We'll figure something out after break."

Lily looked back and forth between James and Sirius but kept quiet.

"Okay," Sirius sighed. "It's just that I don't like seeing her get away with things like that, especially if she's done it to other people."

"I know." James paused then looked at Lily, "You and Mary and Alice should sit with us on the way back."

Lily bit her lip then looked past him for a moment. When she returned her attention to him she nodded and walked off.

_This may turn out to be a better ride than I think_, James thought, once again Lily's favorite smile plastered onto his face.


	16. It's Good To Be Home

**Okay I'm really sorry for the wicked slow update! Honestly, I've been camping for the last week and a half. Getting eaten alive and having shitty weather isn't really my idea of fun...but whatever. Haha so at this point I totally made up Lily's family. I really had no clue on what to really do with her family so I kind of went all out. But if anyone has any objections or comments or whatever, feel free to fire away. And please don't give up on me yet.**

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The house was bright, simple, and unlike any other one on the street. It was painted a bright red with a white door and white flower pots, which currently, did not hold any flowers. The front of the house had a huge wrap-around porch with a swing positioned on the far right, near the huge oak tree. The walk was covered in a thin layer of ice as Lily Evans walked toward the house. She had mixed feelings of dread and happiness running through her that intensified with every step she took.

_It's going to be like Christmas in the old days,_ she tried to convince herself. When she saw Petunia's car in the driveway her thoughts turned sour. _Or maybe not._

Before she had left for Hogwarts late last summer, Petunia had taken it upon herself to get married to a huge oaf: Vernon. Petunia had spent weeks in advance planning the wedding, getting a house, deciding where to go for her honeymoon. In all of that planning, Petunia never once asked Lily for ideas, suggestions, or even little comments. She had ignored her like she had ever since the day when she found out that Lily was a witch. When the invitations for the wedding were sent, Lily had every right to expect to get one; after all, Petunia _was_ her sister. So, when Petunia didn't give Lily an invitation by hand, Lily reasoned that she didn't even need one since she was family, they lived in the same house, and she was expected to go.

The day of the wedding came and went quietly. Lily had woken up on August 25th to an empty house. She checked her clock and cursed: it was noon. The wedding started at nine. She had sat there puzzled for a moment because she knew that she had set the alarm before she had fallen asleep the previous night. _Petunia_, she had thought wretchedly. _She doesn't even want me there._

Her mum and dad had come home after the reception to find Lily sitting in a chair with a used box of tissues, staring at a blank television with her eyes red and bloodshot. When they found out what had happened they were outraged but could do nothing seeing as Petunia was already on her way to her honeymoon destination.

Although Lily knew deep down that she and Petunia were beyond repair she couldn't help but hope that somehow everything would be forgotten and they would be best friends again.

_Fat chance,_ she thought now with despair.

So, when Lily stood outside in the cold she had her hand raised in a half knock, contemplating these thoughts. With a sigh of resignation she rapped three times on the door and backed away waiting for someone to open it. She was hoping it wasn't going to be her sister who, like Lily, stayed in their parent's house for the holidays.

Not only did her sister stay for the holidays, but so did everyone else on her mother's side of the family. That meant four aunts and uncles, her Gram, and not to mention her little cousins. All in all, it meant a very full house. Luckily the Evans house was huge. It had six bedrooms, three bathrooms, an attic, and a basement. So, during the holiday season, Lily's parents made Petunia give up 'her' room for one of her aunts and uncles. Petunia and Vernon slept in the attic.

In a few minutes Lily could hear footsteps and someone shouting. The door opened to reveal a flustered Mrs. Evans. She was looking over her shoulder screaming at someone to take the bread out of the oven. She had a wooden spoon in one hand, a spatula in the other. There were bits of flour smeared on her face and her hair was starting to fall out of its usual neat knot. One could easily tell that Lily recieved her mother's looks. They had the same pale skin and auburn colored hair, not to mention their temperamental moods.

"For Christ sake! If I have to go and do it myself so help me God, I will beat you with my spoon!"

Lily stared at her mother and started smiling. This was what always happened around the holidays when relatives came over and here it was happening as usual.

"Hello mum," Lily said dropping one of her trunks and running to hug her.

"Lily!" her mom yelled in shock. "You're here already! Oh we missed you so much! Your father has been going up a wall without you to help with his finances! And the baby! Auntie Gertrude had a baby! You now have a new cousin! And not to mention…"

Lily smile grew wider as her mom enveloped her in a hug. Her mom was always busy with something and never shut up.

"Beatrice, honey, let Lily breathe." Mr. Evans commanded as he walked into the house after his daughter. He was dragging Lily's other trunk along on the ground, leaving behind a path in the walkway, deep enough to penetrate the thin layer of ice that had previously covered the walk.

Lily walked fully into the house and took a deep breath. The smells and sound of home were comforting and familiar and Lily was drowning in them. She could hear her Gram who was busy complaining in the kitchen to her mother who had somehow already resumed cooking. She could hear her little cousins who were romping around upstairs and the Aunt Gertrude screaming at them that they would wake the baby up. Sure enough minutes later Lily could hear the baby start wailing.

"Hey, everybody!" Mrs. Evans came from the kitchen and stood beside Lily and called up the stairs. "Lily's here! She's back from boarding school!"

That was the decision Lily, her mother, and her father had decided on when she had first accepted the letter to Hogwarts. If anyone asked, she got transferred to a boarding school.

It suddenly grew quiet and Lily could picture everyone freezing in her mind—then suddenly cries of—

"Lily!"

"Lily's here!"

"Our cousin Lily?"

"Yes, you moron, our cousin Lily!"

"Yes! She's back from school!"

"Let's go!"—were sounded and six kids came tramping down the stairs.

They enveloped Lily in a back breaking hug nearly tackling her to the ground as they did so. Underneath the pile of kids, Lily could just barely make out her sister, carrying the crying baby, ascending the stairs after them. She looked the same as ever with the same horse-like face and beady eyes set above thin and high cheekbones. She wore a thin layer of make-up but Lily could still she that she had her pale skin.

When Petunia reached the bottom floor the children froze feeling the animosity between the sisters. Lily and Petunia stared at each other for a long minute. Lily could feel a torrent of emotions blow through her like a thundershower. She was recalling bittersweet memories of how they were before Lily got the letter, and couldn't seem to ever forget them. Obviously Petunia had no problem doing so. But also like a thundershower, they were gone just as quickly as they had come. Lily felt nothing but an angry bile rise up in her throat but did her best to suppress it.

When Lily blinked Petunia sneered as if something unknown to Lily, but known to her, was confirmed. She swept by Lily ignoring the kids and walked into the kitchen. To try and ease the tension between her and her sister, Lily tackled one of the kids and then they all joined in to make a huge pig-pile on her.

Aunt Gertrude came down the stairs laughing and giggling when she saw the funny sight and threatened to spank the children if they did not get off of Lily. They did so quickly and without hesitation because if anything, Aunt Gertrude was always true to her word.

"Lily, dear! How is my favorite niece?" she asked throwing pointed looks at the other children.

Quite suddenly all of the kids exploded with cries that were all similar. Apparently, Aunt Gertrude had told every child that they were her favorite niece or nephew.

Lily shook her head and started laughing hysterically at the kid's incredulous faces.

_Merlin is it good to be home_, she thought as a warmth spread through her body.

Aunt Gertrude wrapped her arm around Lily's shoulder and led her into the kitchen. In the titanic sized kitchen the rest of the Hould family (for that was her mother's maiden name) were sprawled around drinking tea and talking. When Lily entered they all jumped up and ran to her, all talking at once.

Lily was lost under a blur of motion as each of her family members figured that they should all touch Lily, as if to confirm that she was really there. She stood there hugging aunts, slapping high-fives with her uncles, grinning at all the commotion that she caused. Petunia was the only one to stand a distance away with the baby wailing in her arms. She seemed not to notice though, because all of her attention was focused on Lily. Her eyes held a gleam that Lily knew was one of hatred.

Lily glared stonily back for a few seconds then returned her attention to her family.

_If she doesn't develop a better attitude_, Lily thought angrily, _then I have no choice but to behave badly to her._

"Okay everyone! Calm down! Let the girl breathe!" As usual, Mr. Evans came to the rescue and made all of the relatives relax some. "She just got home and I expect that she's tired and a bit overwhelmed."

Lily nodded her head gratefully. "Would anyone mind if I went upstairs and laid down until dinner?"

No one objected and told her that they would expect nothing else. Lily laughed and knew that they were saying that just to be polite. Still, she exited the kitchen and ran upstairs, making a detour around her cousins who would want her to play with them. When she reached her room, Lily breathed a sigh of relief and took a good look around. She missed her room.

It was painted a sky blue, her favorite color, and had tan curtains. A small, circular, white rug was positioned on top of the sanded hardwood flooring. There was a small twin bed tucked in the right hand corner of her room, underneath one of the three windows. She had a small desk that, when it was first bought, had been painted white by her and Petunia. That had been awhile ago and Lily smiled a bit at the memory. Then she shook her head and despair flooded through her when she pulled herself back to the present. No matter what Petunia had done to Lily, Lily still held on to false hope that time would repair their wounds.

She walked over to her bed and laid down. Surprisingly, sleep came quickly and easily for Lily. All it took was for her to close her eyes and focus on her breathing.

In—_don't think of anything._

Out—_empty your head._

In—_don't think about what Potter asked you._

Out—_shut down your mind._

In_—there we go._

Out—_drift off Lily…_

Lily woke to her cousin Kyle waking her up. Kyle was the oldest of all Lily's cousins at ten years old. He was very gentle when he wanted to be, but was better known for his uncontrollable anger. He was full of polar opposites, inheriting both his mom's traits and his father's.

"Lily, it's time for dinner," he said, drawing Lily from her dreamless slumber.

Lily jerked awake quickly and blinked at her clock. She had been asleep for six hours! It hadn't seemed that long at all, but sure enough when Lily looked out of the window, she saw the sky was a deep velvet.

"Okay, thanks Kyle," Lily yawned.

Kyle scampered away: his job was done. Lily got up and walked downstairs where the rest of her family was sitting in the dinning room. The room was hardly ever used seeing as it could fit twenty people easily, but most of the time, only three people lived in the house. Mr. and Mrs. and Evans and Gram preferred to eat in the kitchen when it was just them in the house.

"Lily, glad to see you're up! You've been sleeping for a bloody six hours!" Uncle Mark exclaimed when he looked up from his vigorous eating and saw her standing in the doorway.

"It didn't feel that long," she protested.

"Ah, I'm only kidding you! Come on down and have a bite will ya, you're making me hungry just standing there!"

Lily had learned long ago not to question Uncle Mark; his anger was like a hurricane: it built up first in waves, but then became a full blown storm. He could give Lily a run for her money. With any luck, Mark and Gertrude's baby wouldn't grow up too much like them. They were the most boisterous people Lily had ever met.

"Will you leave her alone Marcus!" Gram barked from the head of the table. "But Lily dear, you should grab something to eat."

Lily hid a smile and grabbed a plate. She took a seat between Kyle and Aunt Gertrude.

Conversation was never ceasing and more often than not, there were six other conversations going on at once so people were constantly trying to talk over each other. While Lily was trying to talk to Uncle Jules, Aunt Katy was bombarding her with useless and pointless questions about her opinion from tomatoes to astronauts. Then, Gram asked her a question that silenced everyone else. That was the thing about Gram; she commanded attention when she talked. She expected to receive full attention when she asked a question or told an answer.

At first Lily didn't hear what Gram had asked.

"Excuse me?"

"How is boarding school?" Gram repeated her question.

Lily froze. Her fork was halfway to her mouth, which currently was hanging open, gaping like a fish. She searched the long dinning table for her mother. Lily cursed and remembered that she said that she was going to prepare the desserts. She instead searched for her father who was sitting at the other end of the table. Seeing his daughter's pointed look he cleared his throat and answered for her.

"She loves it Jade," Mr. Evans said.

Lily rubbed her temples. Her father was hopeless. 'She loves it' wasn't exactly a sufficient response and Gram returned her attention back to Lily, obviously looking for more details.

"Well?" Gram prompted.

Lily chewed the inside of her lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. These were things she did to buy time.

"Er, the teachers are great. I love them," Lily tried.

"Who is your favorite teacher?" Aunt Katy asked.

"Professor Flitwick," Lily said automatically then wondered if it wasn't a good thing that she had told them the Charms teacher's real name.

"What does he teach?"

"A diverse amount of information," Lily lied quickly.

"Like?"

"How to levit—leave people questioning themselves."

_Merlin this is hard!_Lily thought. She had almost told them that Flitwick had taught his class how to levitate insubstantial objects.

The questions kept coming and coming from all of her relatives. When Lily didn't know how to answer one, she turned to her father. Pretty soon however, Lily just gave one word answers that prevented her from lying anymore and getting tangled up in a lie she had already said. She was saved from having to answer if there were any guys that Lily was seeing by her mother who came out the kitchen carrying two huge apple pies.

"Alright everybody, eat up!"

The questions stopped as everyone dug into a piece of pie.

"So Lily, you never answered the last question," Aunt Gertrude pointed out. She had the tactfulness to make sure no one but Lily heard her.

Lily flushed a bright red, confirming Aunt Gertrude's suspicions without saying a word.

"Okay, who is he?" she asked.

If Aunt Gertrude wasn't Lily's favorite relative she wasn't sure that she would be totally comfortable having this conversation, but seeing as it was Aunt Gertrude, Lily caved.

"His name is James Potter." Lily cringed as she realized what she implied. "But it isn't like that! He's just a friend who doesn't know when to leave it at that."

Aunt Gertrude cocked an eyebrow. "Well, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Lily said with emphasis, "That he always wants us to be more than friends. He is the biggest toerag I've ever met. He's selfish, cocky, arrogant, persistent, a complete troublemaker, and absolutely brilliant at school. He gets perfect grades without even trying! I'm only better than him because I just actually try."

"You like him a lot," Aunt Gertrude said matter-of-factly.

"That's easy for you to say... and it's not true! He knows just how to get under my skin."

"Do you talk to him?"

"Well...yeah, of course. Just because he bugs me doesn't mean I hate him."

"But you still like him."

"How do you know?"

"I know because your face became animated when you started talking about him. You were smiling when you were insulting this James. Lily darling, you can't lie to Gertrude."

Lily stared at Gertrude in shock. She had no clue how Aunt Gertrude could gain that information from just watching Lily say three sentences.

"Um, I think I need to be excused," Lily said a bit unsettled.

"Sorry if I upset you honey," Aunt Gertrude called after Lily.

"It's fine."

Lily ran upstairs to her room and laid down on her bed.

_Was what Aunt Gertrude said was true? I don't like James… do I? How can she decide that so quickly when I've been asking myself that same question for seven years?!_

A tap on the window interrupted Lily's musings and she looked outside. A tawny brown owl was pecking the window, a piece of parchment attached to its leg. Lily opened the window and the bird flew in. She untied the letter and the bird flew off again.

_Dear Lily,_

_I know you must be wondering why I'm sending you an owl even though I've already asked you in person. My mother thinks that it is the polite way to do things, even if I don't agree. _

Lily laughed aloud at that part.

_Anyway, I am reasking you to my Christmas party tomorrow at seven o'clock. Don't worry, I have already sent invitations to Alice and Mary. They have both responded with a positive yes I'm glad to report. The party is a formal affair just to give you a heads up. My mother recommended that you screw the dress robes and just wear a dress instead—though those weren't her words exactly. Seeing as you have already said that you will come this is probably a pointless letter. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night._

_Sincerely,_

_James_

Lily reread the letter a few more times and each time she laughed out loud. Her previous dilemma about this very boy was forgotten as she mailed letters to both Mary and Alice for plans to go shopping tomorrow.

She crawled into bed with a smile lighting up her whole face.


	17. Winter Wonderland

**Here is Chapter 17! Sorry for the really slow updates guys, I haven't been home in ages and now I finally am. Hopefully I can put up more chapters quicker. **

**Read&Review**

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In Lily's opinion, the next day dawned perfectly. A good omen. She looked out of her window and saw the sun already making its ascent through the sky. The sky was a deep blue, one of the fantastic days of the winter. In fact, it was one of the only sunny days all winter. Lily laid back in bed for a few moments. She could hear the sounds of her relatives throughout the house. The baby was crying up a storm and Lily heard Aunt Gertrude get up and try to shush her. Her little cousins were romping around downstairs and Lily heard Gram shouting curses at them for waking her up so early.

Lily laughed to herself. No one ever got any sleep around the holidays: there were just too many people. She got up and rummaged around her room for a pair of clothes. She found a pair of jeans but decided on a pair of sweats instead. She wanted to be comfortable for a whole day of shopping. That thought put a smile on her face. If anything, Lily loved shopping.

She put on a t-shirt that read: I love London. Lily ran a brush through her hair and put it up in a ponytail. To top off her rather sloppy outfit, she pulled a sweatshirt over her head.

When she entered the kitchen she was all smiles.

"What do you want?" Mrs. Evans asked, looking over at Lily from where she was busy cracking an egg.

"Mum, how do you even do that without totally demolishing the egg?"

"Lily," Mrs. Evans warned. "I'm in no mood for sweet talk. My darling sister Lucy decided to try and cook breakfast this morning."

Lily made a face. Aunt Lucy was the worst cook ever. She couldn't even make toast without burning the house down, but that's another story.

"I woke up to the sound of the smoke detector this morning, which somehow you slept through, to see her surrounded in smoke. Your father had to get the fire extinguisher," Mrs. Evans sighed. "She's upstairs now, showering."

"That's pretty bad."

"Yes, now I can't even cook breakfast since Lucy burned up half the groceries. The eggs were the only things that could be saved. Now I'll have to good food shopping again. I'm getting side-tracked, what do you want?"

"Well there's this party thing tonight and I was wondering if I could go?"

Mrs. Evan's face lighted up instantly. "A party? For whom? Who is going? Will there be adults? Are Alice and Mary going?"

"Mum, calm down. It's a party for someone from school. His name is James Potter and his parents will be there. Yes, Alice and Mary will be there. It's a formal event so I will need to wear a dress and get ready and all that stuff." Lily frowned. "I think a lot of important witches and wizards will be there so I need to make an impression."

"It's an adult party?"

"And a teen one," Lily added.

Mrs. Evans smiled for the first time that morning. "Well, I guess you can go. I'm guessing you need to go shopping for a dress then?"

Lily nodded. "Me, Alice, and Mary decided to meet today in London. We have to look in Muggle shops for dresses. The wizard ones only have robes."

"Your father will take you on his way into work." Mrs. Evans poured her eggs into the pan that was on the oven. "Take some money from the jar by the hallway."

Lily hugged her mother and nearly ran out of the room. Her excitement was uncontrollable. She had no clue why either. She shouldn't be this happy because it was Potter, but somehow, that made her get a warm feeling in her gut. She chose not to dwell on it. As Lily reached the front door she ran into her father and explained the situation to him. He smiled and led Lily to the car. It had snowed last night and a fresh layer coated the ground. Lily sucked in air quickly, not realizing how cold it was really.

They hopped in the car and began the quick drive to London. Her father dropped her off in front of the Arbutus Restaurant where the three girls had decided to eat. Alice was already there, ordering a hot chocolate.

"Alice darling!" Lily ran to Alice, exaggerating her movements. "How are you? It feels like ages since I've seen you!"

The people behind Alice looked at the two girls and exchanged glances. This was the girls favorite thing to do when they saw each other in a public place. It totally freaked everyone else out.

"Lily, Alice! Where are you guys?" Mary's voice carried through the restaurant.

"Mary!" Lily and Alice screamed at the same time. They went to her and enveloped her in a hug. They had caught more attention from other people. The three girls giggled as Lily and Mary ordered hot chocolate too. They ran out of the restaurant before they could get kicked out. They walked the cold streets of London clutching their hot chocolates to their chests to keep warm.

When they were finally done their drinks they started going into stores.

_Now this is what_ I _call fun_, Lily thought as they went into store after store looking for the perfect outfits.

They walked into their fifth store when Alice found it: the perfect dress. It was a shimmering white that changed colors depending how the lighting was and how it was moved. It was strapless and fell to the ground in layers. Alice would fit in it perfectly.

"Oh this is wonderful!" she sighed as she let the silky fabric run through her hands. "And look how cheap it is!"

Mary and Lily came over to read the price tag and Lily's eyebrows shot up her forehead. To her, the dress wasn't cheap.

Mary glanced at it and shrugged. "It's not too too bad."

"I'm going to try it on!" Alice exclaimed. She took the dress and grabbed the nearest sales clerk who pointed her to the dressing rooms. While Alice put on the dress, Lily and Mary looked at the other ones.

Lily marveled at how many dresses there were then gagged at how truly ugly some of them were. She picked up a green and pink polka-dotted dress and winced. Someone obviously was desperate to get a design in on time. She mused to herself about all of the ugly dresses she found.

"How does it look?" Alice's voice sounded nervous as Lily made her way back to the dressing rooms.

Lily beamed when she saw Alice in the dress. "Al, it looks fantastic on you! You look beautiful!"

Mary whimpered when she saw it. "I wish I could even think about wearing a dress like that!"

Alice grinned at their reactions and studied herself in the mirror. Her violet eyes seemed brighter and a darker purple than usual. The dress looked like it was made for Alice. It fitted her frame and height perfectly. "You really think so?" It was a rhetorical question and both girls knew it. Alice walked backi into the dressing room with a silly smile on her face.

While Alice was changing back into her jeans and coat, Lily was sitting on a bench watching Mary go through the dresses. Only Mary's head was visible. She started laughing when she saw Mary's mouth drop.

"What did you find?" Lily called.

"Look at this!" Mary came flying towards Lily with the pink and green polka-dotted dress. "Look. At. This. It's totally me! I _love_ this!"

Lily stared hard at Mary.

"What?"

"You actually like that dress?" Lily asked incredulously.

Mary nodded. "Why? Don't you?"

"No!" It came out more harshly than Lily intended. On a softer note she went on, "Well, it's just not my type of dress. I mean, I wouldn't wear it or anything, but I'm sure someone else would—"

Lily was saved from having to stumble through any more excuses by Alice who came out of the dressing room.

"That's ugly," she said simply.

Mary grinned, "That's what Lily was trying to say. I like it though. It says something."

"That I'm a crossing guard, don't hit me?" Lily suggested.

Alice giggled but quailed under Mary's look.

"No it makes me an individual. I stand out. Bottom line is, it's different. I like it. End of story. Now, I'm going to try it on."

"Wait a second Mary," Lily stood in her way. "Aren't there going to be important witches and wizards there tonight?"

"So what?"

"Don't you want to look at least somewhat dignified in front of them?"

"I don't care."

"Ah, nevermind!" Lily huffed. Once Mary went into the changing rooms Lily added quietly, "Why does she want that dress?"

Alice shrugged. "It's Mary and you know that the more we try to convince her not to buy the dress the more she will want it."

Sure enough a few moments later Mary came out of the dressing rooms. Lily had to admit that it did in fact look better on Mary than on the rack where it was. In fact, on Mary it didn't look half bad.

"I'm getting it." Mary went back in and took off the dress.

Together, the three girls went to the register where Lily handled the money part much to Alice's and Mary's relief. Once they were back outside Mary and Alice were arguing over something stupid as usual. Lily let her eyes roam and found a little store tucked away in between two other monster stores. The sign read 'Aunties'.

"Hold on a second guys. I'm going to go check in that store for a minute." Lily walked across the street and walked into the store.

It was dim inside and several candles burned; their light flickered when Lily closed the door.

"Hello?" Lily called out. She wandered around and found it to be a cute store.

"Hello!" a voice called cheerily back. "What can I do for you?" A plump little lady came from behind Lily. She had salt and pepper hair and small blue eyes. An apron was tied around her and her hands were in pockets.

"Do you sell dresses here?" Lily asked, her eyes still roaming. According to her observations the store was very odd. It had everything from old yo-yos to little elephant figurines.

"Of course we do!" the lady barked. "Follow me!"

Lily followed the lady into the back of the store. There, the lady went through racks of dresses muttering to herself. She would pull out one then frown and put it back. Finally, before Lily finished debating whether or not she should say something, the lady said, "Aha!"

She pulled out a simple black dress. Lily stared at it.

"This was made for you," the lady told her. She put the dress up to Lily and nodded. "Mhmm, just for you."

Lily looked down at the dress and grimaced. She didn't like it at all. It was so simple and plain that Lily could hardly tell it was a dress. It had a V-neck and was backless but those were the only indications.

"Thanks but no thanks. I'll just go somewhere else," Lily muttered, backing away.

"No! Take the dress!" the lady insisted.

Lily tried to give excuses. The old lady was too adamant and Lily thought that the lady would physically hurt herself if Lily didn't buy the dress. She looked at the price tag and yelped. The dress cost the exact amount of how much Lily had brought. A new wave of protests was doused just as quickly as the first. Lily exited the shop miserable. When she met up with Alice and Mary they didn't notice her mood, but her shopping bag.

"You found a dress? Good because we need to start getting ready now! It's already four thirty!" With that, Mary walked into the street and summoned a taxi. She gave the driver her address and they were off to get ready for the big night.

It took them exactly two hours to get ready. In Lily's opinion it was all worth it. The last thing they needed to do was to put on their dresses. Lily had managed to forget her whole dress fiasco while doing her make-up and hair but now she was eyeing it with hatred as it was lying on Mary's bed.

"Just put it on Lily. You never know until you try," Alice coaxed her.

Lily sighed but complied with her friends. She slipped the smooth fabric over her body and tied it behind her neck. She smoothed it out and looked in the mirror. Her mouth dropped open when she saw herself in the dress. It actually looked like one. Actually, it looked stunning on her. The little old lady was right, it looked as if it was specially made for her.

"Wow, that's a gorgeous dress Lily!" Alice gushed.

"You look stunning Miss Evans!" Mary sang. "Every guy there is going to have their eyes pop out of their heads when they see you!"

Lily started laughing and swirling around in the dress. "I love it! It's not what I expected it to look like at all!"

Alice and Mary came over to stand next to Lily. Gazing at themselves in the mirror they saw how beautiful they all looked for the big night.

"Okay let's stop being vain and actually go to the place where we will be appreciated," Mary pointed out, looking at the clock.

She led the way out of the room and Alice followed. Lily was starting to move but then paused, her hand on the doorknob. She went to her bag and pulled out the necklace Fawks gave her and slipped it on. On second thought, she also slipped her wand into her shoe; no one would notice because of the length of the dress. Then she hurried on out after Mary and Alice.

The girls arrived at the Potter house by the Muggle way: in a car. They didn't want to Floo there because they didn't want to ruin their dresses and get themselves all sooty. They couldn't apparate because they weren't old enough. When they walked out of the car Lily's mouth dropped open.

"This is James's _house_?"

"Pretty impressive isn't it?" Mary asked. "He's filthy rich!"

The house stood on top of a hill looking down over a patch of woods. It was made out of brick with ivy crawling down its sides. It looked to be at least three stories high with hundreds of windows. Most of the windows held a soft yellow light as shadows danced across them, signaling how many people really were inside.

"Well what are we waiting for?" Alice asked.

She started up the drive. The other two followed. They were greeted at the door by a doorman. He gave them warm smiles and directed them as to which way to go. The girls thanked him and headed in. The house wasn't as big as it looked from the outside. Everything was open and flowed from space to space. Lily gazed at the witches and wizards gathered here. They were dressed like a million dollars, and most of them looked way better than Lily in her opinion. Also to her utter horror, not all of the guests wore dresses. A lot of them were dressed in dress robes.

Christmas music was playing in the back round. Mistletoe was hung in various doorways and couples were found enjoying their time underneath them. Holly and tinsel were used to decorate the tables and walls.

When they walked into the sitting room it was like walking into a fairy tale. There were three huge evergreen trees around the room decorated with ornaments. Very real icicles were dangling from the ceiling magically. There was also frost covering the walls making it look like a winter wonderland.

Mary whistled. "Bloody hell! The Potters really know how to get ready for a party."

"Yes they do!" Sirius Black came up behind the girls as they turned around.

"And you girls really know how to clean up," he added running his eye over them.

"Thanks Black," Mary snapped.

He looked at her then did a double take. "What the hell are you wearing? It's a Christmas party, not a circus tent!"

"Very funny. I happen to like this dress a lot."

"And Alice you look amazing!" Sirius said saucily.

"Is Frank here?" she asked totally oblivious to Sirius. "I think—yes! He's right over there! If you'll excuse me." She walked over to Frank and engulfed him.

"Lily," Sirius went on smoothly, "Wearing that dress should be illegal."

Lily glared at him and socked him. "Shut up."

She returned to looking at the other magical folk gathered there. Unconsciously she was looking for a certain someone and unconsciously she smiled when she spotted him. He stood there with his mouth dropped open like a fish, totally ignoring the person who was talking to him as he was just happening to be staring at her.

"Ah, I see James has spotted you," Sirius laughed. "Let me go get him."

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**This chapter was really kind of uneventful but don't worry. The next chapter is going to pick up so much more!**


	18. Taking it Slow

**Okay this is my favorite chapter out of the lot! I really hope you all enjoy it! Both James and Lily show a different side of themselves. **

**Oh and I have been forgetting to do the disclaimer but you all know that HP belongs to J.. **

**Tell me what you think!**

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"Come on mate," Sirius was pulling James away from the conversation he had been sort of having.

He had been deeply involved in the conversation before he did something stupid and glanced around the room. He had been expecting to see no one interesting like he had every other time he did a quick sweep but this time his eye caught hold of something. James stared at the girl until she had stared at him and his mouth dropped open. It was  
Lily Evans and boy was she looking beautiful.

_Well, she always looks beautiful_, James thought, _but she looks unattainable tonight. _

James had no clue how she had done it either. She was dressed in a gorgeous black dress that James wanted _off_ of her as much as _on_ her. It was loose and swirled around her legs, just below her knee. Her hair was pulled back into an intricate half up half down look. Then his eyes traveled along her face to meet her bright green eyes which were a shade that James had never seen before.

"Prongs, you're drooling. Most people find that unattractive and Lily is no exception." Sirius shoved James to get his attention.

James shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts. "You're right. Sorry, I just didn't expect her to look like _that_."

"Neither did I. That didn't stop me from approaching her."

"I actually like her Padfoot. Do you think she would flat out reject me if I asked her to dance?"

"Merlin only knows. I think she might satisfy you tonight," Sirius said added looking at Lily too.

She had turned her gaze away from James and Sirius and was now talking to Mary and two other people. When James saw who she was talking to he inwardly groaned.

"Why does she have to go and talk to my Mum and Dad?" James walked over to the four of them and interjected.

"Mum, Dad, this is Lily Evans. My, er—friend from school," James introduced them to each other.

"Oh, so you're the Lily that we hear so much about!" Mrs. Potter exclaimed. "I do apologize for the way my son has treated you in the past. We heard that he was quite rude." She threw James a reproving glare.

"Oh." Lily blushed. "It's fine actually. We are on better terms this year."

"Well, you _are_ as beautiful as he says," Mrs. Potter added.

Lily's face grew beet red.

"Er, Mum, why don't you and Dad go entertain other guests," James growled. His face was almost as red as Lily's.

"We can tell when we aren't wanted," Mr. Potter laughed. "I apologize if we have embarrassed you greatly Lily. Take no harm in it." He walked off, his hand raised in a good-bye.

"I think we should go too, Mary." Sirius gave her a pointed look. "I think we need to attend to certain business. If you'll excuse us."

He gave a little bow and flourish then led a rather confused Mary away and they were lost in the crowd.

By now, Lily's face had returned to normal color but James made it red again by apologizing for his parent's behavior. "They were just curious. I tell them a lot about you…and school," James added quickly realizing how that sounded.

They stood in an awkward silence until they both started talking at once.

"Would you like to—"

"Do you want to—"

They both stopped then burst out laughing. Once they were finished, the awkward tension that was present before was now washed away.

"What were you going to say?" Lily asked.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to dance." James refused to meet Lily's eye. Then realizing how cowardly that looked, he stared back at her.

He saw her smile and saw her nod. "Sure. Lead the way."

James flashed a crooked grin. He had not remembered when he began smiling that way but Remus was the first one to point that out. It was during fifth year when he first began to chase her. She had smiled at him once and it seemed his face had no control over what to do. It contorted into a smile that James couldn't do for anyone else.

"You always smile at me like that," Lily commented as they stood facing each other.

"Mhmm," James nodded. He was distracted. He wasn't sure if it was okay for him to put his hands on Lily's waist.

"James just do it," Lily laughed. "Here, like this."

Lily took James's hand and put his right hand on her waist and his left hand in her right hand. James grinned at her again as they began to sway to the music.

"There it is again!" Lily pointed out. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Smile at me like that."

James studied her face. "I honestly don't know. It's just a habit I guess."

He thought he saw disappointment flash across Lily's face but it was gone quickly as she masked it.

"Well, I don't grin like that to anybody but you really."

Lily started laughing.

"How is that funny?" James demanded.

"It's not," Lily said when she was done. She looked kind of confused for a moment. "I don't know why I just laughed."

They elapsed into a comfortable silence until James broke it.

"You really do look beautiful tonight."

Lily blushed and looked James in the eye. She could tell that he meant it. James could see that Lily was making sure that he wasn't just saying that, that he really meant it and he wanted her to know that he meant it.

"Thanks," Lily's blush crept away. "You clean up pretty nicely too."

James had tried to actually look presentable tonight. He had showered and even let his mum coordinate his outfit. He was dressed in black dress robes and his hair was actually tamed. It laid flat on his head from a spell that his dad had used. His glasses were polished until they shone and he had his mum sniff every one of his colognes to decide which one he should wear. All of this was to impress Lily.

That one little comment sparked a whole conversation. The conversation went on and on and they talked and talked. Lily had never talked to James this long, never mind even look at him, but here she was, dancing in his arms and not shutting up. They talked about school, Quidditch, relationships gone badly. It surprised James to find out that Lily had more than her fair share of bad relationships. He never even knew that she had a boyfriend before. She explained that she had had one in the summer of her sixth year.

They talked about the war, their future, what they wanted to be. They talked about everything, even family life. James took control of that topic and Lily a lot more hesitantly. James knew better than to mention Lily's sister especially when she had reacted the way that she did on the Hogwarts Express in September.

After awhile they stopped talking and a really slow song was played. Couples littered the dance floor and swayed close together and in time with the music. James had other ideas. He pulled Lily in closer but instead of letting her wrap her arms around him, he set off at a fast pace. He twisted and twirled her and led her in an unknown dance. It was all worth it just to see Lily throw her head back and laugh and let him do with her as he pleased.

Then a fast song played and James slowed down and Lily followed suit. Without permission (not that he was going to ask anyway), James took his other hand and held Lily's waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Then, much to James's astonishment as well as her own, Lily rested her head against James's shoulder. James almost froze with shock. He was scared that at any moment, Lily might remove her head. When she didn't James relaxed and started to enjoy dancing like this.

They were fine until Sirius came up to the two of them. He took in Lily's flushed face and James's dazed smile and concluded that they were enjoying each other thoroughly.

"I hate to break this up," Sirius interrupted. "But James, your broom has flown out of the shed."

James cursed.

He looked at Lily and she nodded. "I'll go with you."

Together they weaved in between the other guests. James held on to Lily's hand and was shocked when she let him.

_What is up with her tonight?_ He asked himself silently. _Then again, I'm not complaining._

James hadn't realized how hot it was inside until he went outside. The air was cold and sharp enough to sting. James was groping around in the dark before having the sense to turn on the light.

"What's that noise?" he asked turning around to Lily. Her teeth were clattering together making the noise that he had heard. "Merlin! It's freezing Lily! Here."

James took off his cloak and handed it to Lily who gratefully wrapped it around herself.

"Then what are you going to wear?" she asked.

"There are some old ones in the shed," James said as he led the way to the right.

They traveled down a small brick pathway that ran for thirty yards before stopping short at a small squat shed. It was brick like the house and had a window on each of its four sides. James opened the door and the smell of Quidditch came curling out. Well, that was what he smelled whenever he opened the door. Quidditch had a particular smell. It smelled of worn brooms, fresh air, and wood. James walked to the far wall where Quidditch robes were hanging up. He took one down: it would have to do for now.

"Let's go find that broom," James said coming back out of the shed.

He went back up the path and took a left this time instead of a right. He walked slowly so he could walk next to Lily instead of in front of her. He noticed that she kept gazing up at the sky. He did so as well and grinned. He loved the stars and tonight he was not disappointed. Millions of them littered the sky, twinkling and twirling in their little spheres of light.

"Sometimes I wish I could just lie down and stare at them forever," Lily admitted as James was still looking up.

"That wouldn't be so bad as long as you had someone to share them with. There are too many for any one person," James commented back. He stared down at Lily who blushed with pleasure.

"Keep walking," she ordered, taking the lead.

James stared after her for a minute then followed. Silence pressed upon them for a few moments until Lily started running.

"The broom is right here," she said as she came to a stop.

James ran to catch up with her. "Why would someone let it wander down here?"

"I don't know, but they obviously want us to ride it."

"How do you—oh." James stopped short. Tied onto the broom was a note reading:

_To whoever finds this broom, please use it to fill their desire. Whether it is flying or merely sitting, it is yours. _

Then, at the bottom of the note in tiny letters it read:

_This only applies to two people and if you do not have the initials L.E. or J.P. then you will find yourself hexed should you try to use to broom._

Lily laughed after she was done reading the note. "This sounds a lot like Sirius."

"Well, he was muttering to himself a lot before we left Hogwarts. He must have been planning this because I think I heard our names mentioned together more than once."

"We can't disappoint them can we?" Lily grinned a wolfish grin and swung her leg over the broom. "Come on Potter. You don't want me to leave you in the dust do you?"

James hopped on behind Lily.

"Well you know Evans," he said huskily, breathing on her neck causing her to shudder. "I think leaving me in the dust is the least of your worries."

He used his powerful legs to push off from the ground and they went soaring into the night. He could feel the cold air sweep his hair around making it stick up like it normally did. His eyes stared watering because Lily was pushing the broom so fast. James balanced himself on the broom and let Lily steer. When he felt her start to shiver he wrapped his arms around her and held on to the broom. She was wrapped up in him and letting him take control. After awhile, James slowed to broom down to a crawl.

"This is where I like to come and think sometimes," he said, halting the broom. He let Lily get off, then he dismounted.

They were on a cliff that overlooked the whole Potter estate. The house was visible between the trees and there were no footprints on the snow where the two stood. James dragged the broom over the cliff and sat on it. Lily looked around and marveled at the view then did the same.

"It would be hard for me to think up here," she said. "I think all thought would just go out the window. I mean just look at everything. It's beautiful and it's like if you think, you would be polluting the beauty or something. I don't know. Am I making any sense at all?"

James stared at her solemnly and nodded. "Yeah, I kind of get what you are saying."

Lily sighed and gazed at the stars again. "Do you know any Muggle constellations?"

James shook his head and stared upwards too. Thus, Lily began pointing them all out. She pointed out Sirius and Andromeda towards the end after just being able to find them.

"How do you know all of these?" James asked following Lily's finger as she traced them.

"My dad taught me and my sister when we were younger. It's just something that sticks."

"Lily, what's wrong with you and your sister?" James asked hesitantly before his courage failed him.

Lily sighed. James waited until it seemed like Lily wasn't going to answer. When he was debating whether or not to ask another question she spoke: "It happened when I first got the letter from Hogwarts. She didn't get one. I did. You can do the math. Ever since then she has held this huge grudge against me. We aren't on talking terms."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "It still pisses me off pretty badly but what can you do?"

James nodded as if he knew what that felt like.

"James can I ask you a couple of things about the night we both spent in the hospital wing?" she asked suddenly.

"You want to change your offer?" James asked hopefully.

"Sort of. I want to be able to be with you like this, where you aren't trying to impress me or make me angry. I like how you are just being you, not anyone else. I was going to ask if we could be like this all of the time."

"You are going to actually give me a chance?" James jumped off the broom in disbelief.

"I didn't say that," Lily said sharply. On a softer note she went on, "I mean, I don't know if I'm ready for that. Can we please just take it slow?"

James sat down on the broom again.

"Take it slow," he repeated. "I can do that."

Lily smiled, "James that means a lot."

"You're welcome."

"And I have another question totally not related to that."

"Fire away."

"Well, when I was still on the staircase Snape wanted me to tell you something. He told me to tell you that you have finally crossed the line."

James's eyebrows came together then spread back apart when he realized what Lily had meant. "Oh, that's nothing. Sirius had told me that Snape was being an annoying git per usual and decided that he needed to be taught a lesson. So we decided to teach it."

Lily's face hardened. "You better be careful. Snape is turning into someone I don't know anymore."

James brushed it off. "What's the worst he co—"

James was stopped short by a deafining explosion that shook the air. Lily and James both whipped their heads to the Potter's house and formed identical faces of shock. Fire was licking the outside and inside of the house. Windows were broken and smoke was rising into the night, just like the terrified screams of the partygoers. James could see Death Eaters circling the house, flying. Curses were sent into the night. Bursts of color were lighting up the night sky as the wizards and witches who were Aurors reorganized themselves and fought back.

Without spoken consent, Lily and James both righted themselves on the broom and took off, speeding towards the burning house with fear laced in their movements.


	19. Panic at the Potter House

**This is a pretty dark chapter! The battle is raging all around the witches and wizards. I don't know how much I like this chapter. I don't know if I made the Death Eaters dark enough or what so feedback would be nice! **

**Oh and thanks for all the feedback from last chapter(:**

**Disclaimer: Don't own HP. Belongs to Rowling. **

**Read&Review**

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Lily's head was in turmoil. The whole night had been perfect, ever since she had stopped fighting James. She had never experienced that warm feeling that he gave her and was afraid that it would disappear at any sign of cocky or arrogant behavior. She was surprised when James hadn't fed her a load of rubbish. She had almost given into her desire to kiss James again but she restrained herself. If she got hurt she would have no one to blame but herself.

But now the night was quickly spiraling downwards.

Lily watched in horror as the Potter house became consumed by flames. They licked the walls, the floors, the windows, and the people inside. Screams were carried upwards towards the sky just like the smoke that rose. The sky was turing smoky and red, scaring Lily. Then the Dark Mark appeared and panic was heard like a wave and James urged the broom faster. Death Eaters were fighting and Lily could hear and see the killing curse used more than a couple of times. She couldn't see James's face because she was sitting behind him, but she could feel how rigid he was, how tense he was.

They reached the blaze within seconds. James hopped off his broom and ran into the house leaving Lily without a second thought.

"James!" Lily screamed. She was about to run into the house after him but was stopped short.

"Well, well, well, who do we have here?" a woman's voice sung through the night as she stopped in front of Lily. She was a lot taller but looked more fragile. Wisps of blonde hair blew out from under her mask and hood.

"Narcissa! She's mine!" Lily recognized the voice of Bellatrix Black. Bellatrix came flying in right behind her sister.

"This is the Mudblood you were talking about?" Narcissa asked in shock. "She's a mere twig! I'm surprise you couldn't snap her like one. That school made you weak Bella!"

Lily's brain froze like it did every time she became scared.

"Don't underestimate me Cissy," Bellatrix warned. "She had her friends to help her and that cursed James Potter!"

"Bella, obviously if you couldn't get rid of her when you had her by yourself then what makes you think you can now?"

"I used _Crucio_ on her_ five_ times!" Bellatrix was growing hysterical. "The Dark Lord doesn't understand it either, but he said that she is mine! Don't touch her!"

Without warning, Lily snapped out of her cold numbness. She knew that, from doing a quick look around her that no one was going to be there to help. They were either running away or fighting back or hiding. She did the only sensible thing she could think of and whipped out her wand from her shoe.

"Stupey!" Lily cried taking aim at one of the hooded girls. It was hard to tell who was who but Lily watched one go down. She realized who she had hit after her mask fell off.

"YOU FILTHY MUDBLOOD! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY SISTER!" Bellatrix screeched.

She flicked her wand viciuosly and jets of purple flame poured out.

"Protego!" Lily screamed just in time.

Five minutes after muttering the spell, sweat was pouring down Lily's face; she didn't know how long she could keep Protego up for. Whatever spell Bellatrix had used was very dark magic and it was draining Lily's energy.

With a final effort, Lily pointed her wand down and dove to the side into a patch of bushes, breaking off the connection.

"Come out come out wherever you are!" Bellatrix cackled.

Through the bushes, Lily could see her moving closer and closer, taking her time. She was laughing though, Lily could see her shoulders moving up and down.

"Black! What are you doing?" another hooded figure flew next to Bellatrix.

"Get away Malfoy," Bellatrix growled at him. "This one is mine." She kept her eyes locked on the bushes where Lily was currently hiding.

Lily was crouched near the ground and breathing hard. She remembered who Malfoy was and remembered that she had never like him much. He had graduated from Hogwarts only a few years ago but had never heard of him since. Then, with a jolt, also remembered that he was Narcissa's husband. She crouched in the shrubs hoping that Malfoy wouldn't see his wife. Lily was waiting for her opportunity and was hoping against all odds that it would show itself before the tables turned against her. She could hear the sounds of the battle all around her. It seemed that whenever she saw a flash of green light, a scream was cut short. Lily shuddered.

"Who is so important that you have to pause in the fighting and actually kill them?" Malfoy roared. "The Dark Lord told us not to focus on one particular person!"

Bellatrix sneered. "Then obviously he tells his more trusted servants different things. He said that I could get this one! I DESERVE REVENGE!"

With that Bellatrix used the spell she had earlier and set the bush on fire. Lily laid in the midst of the bush breathing in the flames. She was paralyzed with fear until she noticed that the flames licked her skin, but didn't burn her. Her face registered shock but she quickly snapped herself out of it. She wasn't going to question why her body wasn't bursting into flames.

"Expelliarimus!" Lily cried and rolled out of the bushes.

An astonished Bellatrix did nothing but watch as her wand flew into the hands of Lily. Malfoy raised his wand and took aim at her but Bellatrix knocked into his hand and his spell hit the Potter's shed. It crumbled down.

"I told you she was mine!" Bellatrix shrieked. "I don't need you Malfoy! Get away! This is my fight! GET AWAY!"

Lily watched as Malfoy laughed a steely laugh and walked away. "As you wish Black," he called.

Lily positioned herself so she was facing Bellatrix head on. Bellatrix looked triumphantly at Lily.

"Now, why don't you give me back my wand so we can fight fair. They best way to die is to die in battle. It's honorable, no one will ever condemn you for it," Bellatrix laughed. "All you have to do is toss it right to me."

Lily stared at her dumbfounded. Bellatrix had to be really thick if she thought Lily was going to give her back her wand. Lily stood there for a moment and listened to the sounds of the battle raging around her. It was in that moment when she could hear the pounding of the footsteps, the agonizing cries, the words of curses, that she realized that she wanted to fight in this war. She wanted Voldemort to be vanquished because no one should have to die the way that a lot were dying tonight. People shouldn't be living in mortal fear of someone.

It was in that instant that Lily made a decision. She took Bellatrix's wand, raised her knee, and snapped it in two. Lily, quicker than she ever had before, raised her wand and stunned Bellatrix. On second thought, Lily ran over to her and saw her face. Lily pointed her wand at Bellatrix's nose and muttered a quick spell. Bellatrix's nose folded in on itself and blood came pouring out like a fountain. Finally, once the adrenaline had calmed a bit, Lily threw one piece of Bellatrix's wand one way and another one the other way, just to be safe.

Lily looked around her and saw that no one else was near her. She also noticed how suddenly eerily quiet it was. All that could be heard was the cackling of flames as they devoured. Lily didn't know what to do next but did something that most people considered very stupid: she ran into the burning house.

As soon as Lily was encased in flames and choked by smoke she was cursing herself in her head. It was hard to see, but there were way too many dead bodies than live ones. Lily could at least make out that much. She could also make out that Aurors were busy quenching the flames. Lily was doing the best she could but the fire was burning itself out. She gave out a cry of relief when she saw a figure heading toward her.

"Remus?" she asked doubtfully.

"Lily? Is that you?" he coughed back.

"Remus!" Lily ran over to him and hugged him fiercely. "Are you hu—" The words died on her lips. Lily could see a huge gash in Remus's leg. Blood was dripping from it like a faucet. "Bloody hell Remus!"

He stared swaying on his feet but Lily steadied him. She slipped one of his arms over her shoulders and tired to get him outside. Lily didn't realize how heavy Remus was until she was forced to support him. Every fiber in her body rebelled against it. Every time they managed to get somewhere, something would fall or a wall of flames would get in their way and force them to make a detour. Lily tried everything but soon fell down in despair. She kept choking on the smoke and it kept blinding her. Within minutes she was drenched in sweat. Remus was going to pass out if he didn't get help soon and Lily was the only one who could help him.

The Aurors didn't pay any attention to her because they were so focused on what they were doing. At one point, Lily saw that the fire was going to keep coming in her way so she did the only sensible thing she could think of: she started blasting away the fire whenever it came too close to her or when it blocked her way. Not that it helped putting out the fire, but Lily needed to get out.

After one particular terrible coughing fit, Lily was drowning in despair. Her eyes were bloodshot and itchy from the smoke, her body was covered in burns that were becoming more painful by the minute, her throat was swollen and sore from coughing so much, and Remus was like a dead weight in her hands. She had considered levitating him more than once but thought that if a part of the roof were to fall, Remus would be killed instantly.

Lily almost cried out in joy when she saw a familiar figure walking towards her through the fire.

"Blood hell Lily! What the hell do you think you're doing in here!" Sirius came next to Lily.

Without a word, Lily handed Remus over to Sirius and followed him out of the burning house. When they were safely out, Lily collapsed on the grass breathing heavily, feeling her body throbbing. She had noticed that the screams had stopped and Sirius explained that the Death Eaters had fled. Now, all that could be heard, were the cries of people who had lost a loved one.

Lily was hurting too much to think of anyone but herself. She heard Sirius next to her. His voice was shaking as he tried to heal Remus but when Lily looked over at him, she saw that he was scared. At that moment, Lily started shaking because Sirius was never scared. If he was scared, it meant that this attack was as serious as it got. Having time to actually think about it, Lily realized how close to death she had been.

She sat up and started to heave up her dinner. Every time the thought of dying progressed through her brain, she leaned over and retched. At one point, Lily was done and looked at Sirius. He was looking longingly at the house with fear etched in every line of his face.

"You go," Lily said. She didn't even recognize her own voice. It was so horse and raspy. "I'll watch Remus and keep a look out for the others."

"Thank you Evans." Sirius rushed off without another look back.

Lily dragged herself over to Remus and saw that Sirius did a cruddy job of fixing him up. Lily took her wand and ran it over his leg, muttering the spells necessary to heal it. She did a much better job than Sirius and in a lot less time. All that was left to do now was to wait.

In Lily's opinion, it was better to be in the burning house than waiting. The suspense was too much. Every person who ran by crying or screaming made Lily look up thinking it was Alice or Mary or James or someone else she knew. Every time she was disappointed.

Lily was just looking at Remus to see if he would move when she heard a sickening crack of splinters. She wipped her head up and her mouth dropped open. The roof of the house was no longer supported and collapsed to the ground. Cries that were sounded from the house were instantly silenced as a cold dread seeped into Lily. It fought itself into every crack and crevice it could find. Forgetting about Remus, Lily got up and ran towards the house. Before she could reach the flames, rough hands pushed her away.

Lily fought and kicked and screamed. She hadn't even realized she was crying until someone wiped her tears away.

"LET ME GO! Sirius is in there!"

"Lily Evans! Stop! Calm down! He's right over there!" Mr. Potter shook Lily hard.

She looked in the direction he was pointing to and saw James and Sirius and Peter all crouched around Remus. Lily also saw another figure limping up to the ground. She tore herself away from James's dad and ran towards them. She was sobbing again because, until then, she hadn't realized how scared she had been for them.

"Lily!" Alice cried and limped faster towards her. She enveloped Lily in a hug and started crying too.

The boys were too focused on Remus to comfort the girls.

"What happened to Mary?" Lily choked out, just realizing she wasn't there.

"I don't know!" Alice wailed. "She found her father and chased after him!"

Lily froze; the tears were leaving tracks down her muddy, dirty face. She got up from her position on the ground and got up. She was blind through her tears and couldn't orient herself. When she was far enough away from the others, she stopped and refused to cry anymore. That helped her pounding headache but not by much.

Witches and wizards were running around, crying as Lily had been, or else walking around in a quiet numbness. Lily couldn't think about any of them all she could think about was Mary and her chasing after her father. Lily _had_ to find her. She ran up the hill and around towards the back of the house. By some chance, Lily found Mary sitting on the ground, crying, and holding someone's hand.

Lily gasped when she saw Mr. MacDonald's lifeless body sprawled on the ground. She approached Mary and pulled her in a silent hug. The tears she had earlier refused to let flow, now did so freely. She did not know how long she and Mary sat there together. At one point, Mrs. Potter found them and coaxed Lily to get up. She couldn't get Mary up so instead she took her wand and swished it in the air and wrote a message.

To Lily's surprise another message appeared next to Mrs. Potter's and suddenly Mrs. MacDonald was standing in front of Lily having just Apparated. She took in the scene of her husband's lifeless body and Mary's tear-stained face then totally lost it. She gave a wail that shook the earth and grabbed a hold of Mary and her husband's body and Apparated again.

Lily felt a pair of arms wrap around her and felt Mrs. Potter's soothing voice echoing in her ear.

"Shh, Lily, it will be alright."

Lily's sense of time was gone and she felt like she had been standing with Mrs. Potter for hours instead of minutes. When she finally did pull away, Lily nodded to Mrs. Potter then turned around to go back to her friends. Lily hoped that Mrs. Potter would understand that Lily wasn't trying to be rude but she needed to be with her friends.

She walked back to the front of the house. By now, no one was left except Sirius, James, and Remus who was sitting up. Lily had no idea where Alice had gone but from the boys looks, she knew that Alice was safe. The fire had burned itself out and was nothing but a pile of burning embers that gave a cheery glow. Lily glared at them; they were the last thing she wanted to see. The house had two floors left standing but they were charred and blackened, not savable in any way.

Lily held her wand in her hand and started to feel anger bubbling in her gut, seeing into every corner of her body. She couldn't stop shaking and felt her wand move of its own accord. She started blasting everything she could until strong, firm hands grasped hers and held her close.

Lily breathed deeply into James, trying to keep control. She lost the battle. James held her the entire time and wasn't telling her everything would be okay. Lily didn't realize until later how much that helped her. Just holding her was enough. Being the shoulder to cry on was just enough. James led her to Sirius and Remus and all three held Lily, trying to keep her and themselves together.


	20. The Aftermath

**Okay, everyone feel free to hate me for updating so slowly. It's just that I've been camping allllll week and no Internet service which totally sucks. So this is chapter 20. Just be careful because there is some language. It's not an eventful chapter, just something that gives a clearer picture about what happened the previous night. **

**Thanks to all of you guys who have stuck with me! I truly appreciate it!(:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP, they're all Rowlings. **

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The next day dawned overcast and snowy. Lily realized she woke up because a shaft of light appeared through the curtains that were next to her bed. She was lying in bed before she realized with a jolt that she wasn't in her bed.

_Where am I?_ she thought vaguely.

She didn't recognize anything else in the bedroom that she was in. It was spotless with cheery yellow walls, blue curtains, and a blue bedspread. Lily sat up but then groaned. Her head was pounding like it had been hit by a truck. She looked down and saw that her body was covered in spots of red that hurt when she touched them. With a breathtaking force, the events of last night paralyzed her. She panicked and started to breathe faster and faster.

"Lily!" A pair of hands grabbed her and held her a arms length and gave her a little shake.

Lily stared up at Sirius. Her eyes larger than normal and they held a wild gleam. Sirius must have been sitting in the chair by the door and was watching Lily. Then came the torrent of tears Sirius was waiting for. He did not know how long he held her but it seemed like a few hours when it was only for a few minutes. When Lily finally stopped, she looked at Sirius's shirt and made a face.

"I'm sorry Sirius; I've gotten boogies all over your shirt!" Lily wailed.

Sirius smiled a taunt smile. "Don't worry about it Evans. I've got more shirts than this one. I was planning to chuck it in the rubbish bin anyway."

That's when Lily saw that it was the same shirt that Sirius was wearing last night. It was torn, bloody, muddy, and it stunk. Lily looked back down her body and saw that she was in no better condition. She groaned and rubbed her face. Her head was throbbing in time to her heartbeat and she could feel her eyes, tender becasue they were swollen.

"Go take a shower," Sirius ordered. "After you're done come downstairs."

Lily got up and followed Sirius to the bathroom. There was already a pair of new clothes for her to wear sitting on the toilet seat and Lily also saw that her wand was propped up against the mirrior. Sirius explained how to use the shower and left Lily. She stood in the middle of the bathroom, gazing at the mirror.

Dried blood stained her forehead, small red welts littered her cheeks, her eyes were bloodshot, and her normally pale color was replaced with ugly purple bruises. Lily took her wand and muttered some healing spells for the small cuts on her cheeks. The ones on her forehead were deeper and worse so she didn't want to heal them herself afraid that she would make a mistake. She was about to get undressed but then decided that no one was here to heal them for her. She muttered some spells and stichted them up a bit messily.

Lily stripped out of her tattered dress and threw it on the ground. She felt little feeling about it and had no problem doing so. Her mind was in a numb state where everything was coming to her at a snail's pace. That all ended when Lily stepped into the shower. The water was freezing!

She started shivering instantly but forgot how to turn to water on warm. Lily jumped out of the shower with the water still running. She stood glaring at it for a minute but then hopped back in, deciding it was better to be clean than cold. The cold water, in a way, helped Lily regain her senses. She could now think straight and clear, not with the fog that had surrounded her since last night when she passed out.

The battle between her and Bellatrix swept through her head more than once. Lily could keep imagining how she had beaten her. For a moment it filled her with a surge of joy knowing that she had finally shown Bellatrix that she was someone to be reckoned with. A small smile was still lighting up her face when she stepped shivering out of the shower. She put on the clothes that were on the toilet seat, vaguely wondering whose they were.

When she was done she put her wand in the back pocket of the jeans she was wearing and walked out of the bathroom. She veered left and walked down the stairs. She heard voices long before she heard the owners of them. Lily walked into the kitchen and saw Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter, James, and Sirius all sitting around the table. James was the first one to see her and stood up.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. He pulled a chair out for her and she sat down in it.

"I've been better."

Mrs. Potter smiled tightly. "I think we all have darling."

"Lily, we were just talking about last night. Here is this morning's _Daily Prohpet_," Mr. Potter said as he slid the paper down to Lily.

Lily looked down and soundlessly read the article that was front page news.

**DEATH EATERS ON THE RISE! IS THERE ANY STOP TO THEM?**

**It was reported that at exactly 10:57 last night a terrible attack was stating to take place at the Potter household. Robbie Potter, a highly regarded Auror, was hosting his party with his wife Katy when disaster struck. Some of the wizarding world's most powerful witches and wizards were attending the spectacular ball when twenty or so Death Eaters attacked. It was complete pandemonium after that. They attacked without warning and swiftly. The Potter's house was lit on fire while screams echoed throughout the night. Some of the braver witches and wizards fought as well as the highly trained Aurors that attended the ball. However, that was not enough to quench the fight that the Death Eaters put up. By the time they retreated, forty-three deaths were reported and many more were hurt out of the total one hundred and fifty people there.**

**This attack has been the largest one created by the Death Eaters. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has yet to show himself. In order to prevent another attack like this the Ministry of Magic has set up safety instructions that are strongly urged be followed listed below:**

**1) Wizards and witches can no longer gather in groups larger than ten people. Split up if there are too many people in one group. 2) No large parties should be thrown unless you are looking for an attack. 3) Children should be in as soon as it gets dark. 4) Death Eaters are everywhere. Keep your wand with you no matter how long you are gone or where you are going...**

The list kept going but the paper was folded and Lily felt sick and didn't want to read it any more. She put it down and looked at the four faces gazing at her.

"Forty-three dead?" she asked.

Mr. Potter clenched his jaw and his hands curled into fists. "Me and my fucking need to have a party!" He put his face in his hands and exhaled loudly.

"Robbie!" Mrs. Potter hissed. "There is no need for that language! It wasn't your fault!"

"I'm going to go check in the office. Be careful. I'll be back after dinner." Mr. Potter walked out of the kitchen and out of the front door. Lily heard a whip-like crack and knew that Mr. Potter had Apparated.

"Lily, dear, would you like something to eat or drink?" Mrs. Potter asked as she got up as well. Lily studied her face and saw that Mrs. Potter looked like she had aged ten years just over night. Her face was drawn and ashy and heavy black bags sagged under her eyelids. Lily wondered if she even slept at all last night.

"No thanks," Lily said. Her voice sounded terrible, like a radio getting no signal. Her throat stung when she talked and she wasn't very loud. The smoke really took its toll on her.

"Evans, eat something you'll need your energy," James ordered.

He looked at Lily and snorted. "I can't believe that you ran into the burning house and came out with Remus."

"Where am I?" Lily asked ignoring James.

"This is our summer cottage," Mrs. Potter sighed. "We've already contacted your parents stating the situation and they have wrote back saying that you're probably safer with us. We have your trunk here with us. I don't think it's a good idea for you to go home after last night." She set a bowl of porridge in front of Lily.

Lily looked at the porridge. James saw her staring at it instead of eating it so he kept nudging her until she picked up the spoon and started shoveling it into her mouth.

"Lily, what happened when I left you and ran into the house?" James asked hesitantly.

Lily swallowed and put the spoon down. She was aware that Sirius and Mrs. Potter were listening intently. She saw Mrs. Potter's mouth grow thin as she realized that James had left Lily to fend for herself.

"It wasn't his fault," Lily said, directing her statement towards Mrs. Potter. "He had something else totally different on his mind. He should have left me."

"No—"

"What happened?" Sirius cut off Mrs. Potter.

Lily looked from Sirius to Mrs. Potter wondering how Sirius was allowed to talk to her like that then decided it didn't matter in the long run. Mrs. Potter didn't look offened anyway.

"Well," Lily started. "When James ran into the house I was left standing there. Then, Bellatrix Black and Narcissa Malfoy found me all alone. I stunned Narcissa before she could react but Bellatrix put up a fight. Then Lucius Malfoy swooped in but Bellatrix got him to go away. He didn't see his wife sprawled out on the ground. When he left I finally stunned Bellatrix too. I did something really stupid and stepped on her face, broke her wand, and threw it in two different directions. After that I ran into the house and found Remus hurt. I supported him until Sirius found us. Then we got out. You all saw what happened after that. Mary's father is dead." Lily started a coughing fit and the room was quiet after she was done.

"Here." Mrs. Potter set a glass of water in front of Lily. "Drink it; it will soothe your throat."

Lily took the glass without another word and gulped it down gratefully. When she was finished she cleared her throat and found that the stinging had gone away. "What happened to the rest of you?"

It was Sirius who answered first. His face turned darker and his voice quieter. "I was outside the house after the explosion because I was spying on you and James. That turned out to be a good thing because as soon as I turned back to go into the house it was being devoured by flames. So, I ran in because I knew that a huge number of people were in the burning house. Then, my dear brother Regulus stepped in my way. I raised my wand to attack but he was quicker. He disarmed me but instead of killing me, he ran away. I ran after my wand and walked into the house after him. I couldn't find him but after awhile I found Lily and Remus. I got you both out," Sirius said, nodding towards Lily. "Then I was about to run back in the house but I saw James come out and we both ran towards Remus."

"You saw Regulus?" James asked in disbelief.

"He's joined Voldemort," Sirius sighed.

James shook his head. "I always thought that he might just pull though. Bastard." James spit into the sink.

"James Robert Potter! Don'tI _ever _hear you use that language in my house!" Mrs. Potter stared at her son appalled.

"Sorry Mum," James said quietly.

The tension was so strong in the room that it was pulled taunt like a string. Lily wasn't sure how much longer that string would last.

"What happened to you Prongs?" Sirius said, breaking the spell.

"I left Lily which was a very stupid thing to do but I wasn't thinking straight. The one thought that kept going through my mind was my parents are in there. When I ran into the house, I saw Dad. Me and him stayed together until part of the ceiling fell and separated us. Then a Death Eater named Roldolphus found me. He's good," James said in a twisted kind of awe. "He knew who I was and aimed the killing curse at me before I could react."

Everyone in the kitchen was silent with shock. Apparently Mrs. Potter hadn't heard this part of his story because her mouth was hanging open in a silent scream.

"Mr. MacDonald jumped in front of me. He was under the Imperious Curse so I don't know why he did it unless another Death Eater made him. I don't know but it distracted Roldolphus enough so that I could curse him. He went down and I was left standing there alone. I decided to drag Mr. MarDonald's body out of the house because he deserved that much at least. Then I ran back in and came out the other side without any incident. Sirius was there and we both ran to Remus."

"I HATE THIS WAR!" Mrs. Potter screamed. She took the plate she was holding and threw it as hard as she could against the wall. "_My baby almost got killed_!" She made a noise like a wounded animal and slowly sank to the floor and started sobbing. "You don't know what it's like to worry about you all of the time! I hate it! _I fucking hate it_!"

James and Sirius hadn't moved they were both stunned by Mrs. Potter's reaction. They had never seen her come this far apart. Not one outburst had ever come from her.

Lily saw that the two boys weren't able to do anything so she got up silently and sat down on the floor across from Mrs. Potter. She crossed her legs and stared at her until Mrs. Potter stared back though her tears.

"Sometimes, you have to tell yourself that no matter what, things will always get better. You can't tell yourself that your son is going to die or that he's going to be tragically hurt because then you start imagining it happening. Then everything he does seems life-threatening. People can't live in that kind of constant fear because it would drive them mad." Lily paused for a minute unsure of what to say next.

"I think what Lily is trying to say is that with this war, you aren't the only one who is hurting. You aren't the only one who is constantly worried. Sometimes you can't stop things from happening no matter how much you want to," Sirius said as he came and sat next to Lily.

They were quiet for a while until James came and sat next to his mother. She put her head on his shoulder and a fresh wave of sobbing was produced.

"It wasn't easy to see you walk around last night like that. James I wanted to Apparate with you to someplace safe where no Death Eater could ever find us."

"Mum, I have to fight. I can't be someone from the sidelines who reads about how other people did some heroic deed to save someone. I want to be that someone!"

"_You don't need to be heroic_!" Mrs. Potter screamed. She got up and ran into another room and slammed the door shut. Her sobbing was instantly cut off.

The other three were left sitting in the kitchen each one with their own thoughts. Their thoughts were storm clouds that were bubbling and mounting the more they thought. Then Lily, unable to take it any longer, stood up and walked outside.

The Potter's summer cottage stood on a cliff overlooking the ocean. The waves hitting the rocks created a soothing rhythm that Lily found relaxing. There was a path that led to the back of the house and Lily took that path through a little whitewashed gate. The backyard was a section of land surrounded by trees and high bushes. That surrounded all sides but the cliff with the ocean below it. There was bench towards the edge of the cliff. Lily walked over to it and sat down on it. Before she had left school she had a bad habit of playing with the necklace that Fawks had given her. She touched her neckline and started playing with the necklace. It felt wrong.

Lily took it off and held it in her hand and gasped. It was blackened and twisted so it wasn't even recognizable. Then, Lily thought about it for a moment and decided that it saved her life when Bellatrix used the purple fire against her. The magic must have been so dark that it could have killed Lily but instead the necklace somehow absorbed the energy. She wasn't sure but told herself that she would ask Dumbledore when she went back to Hogwarts.

Suddenly, a twig snapped behind her. Lily whipped around and a ghost of a smile crossed her face.

"What do you want?"

"Just to talk to you." James sat down next to Lily. "Are you okay?"

Lily stared out over the cliff for a minute. "Not really."

James nodded and put his arm around her. Lily gratefully sank into him. She was still exhausted and she hurt from all of the raw emotions that had passed through her in the past twenty-four hours. It wasn't hard for Lily to close her eyes and block out all of her thoughts. She focused on her breathing and how it matched the rhythm of the ocean and drifted quietly off to sleep.


	21. We Can Fight!

**Sorry I haven't been updating quickly! I've been going away too much but here is Chapter 21! It's more of an explanatory chapter in which the war is more fully explained. Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP. It's all Rowlings!**

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The Death Eater attack happened on the first day of Christmas break, leaving two whole weeks left before the three teenagers had to return to school. By the seventh day, tensions were skyrocketing in the Potter's cottage. Mrs. Potter was refusing to show any emotion to anyone. However, sometimes when Lily passed Mrs. Potter's room she could hear the older woman crying. Lily always stopped outside the door for a moment, her hand resting lightly on the doorknob, before she closed her eyes and walked away. She had some glimpses of how Mrs. Potter felt with both her husband and son wanting to do everything they could to help in the war. Then again, Lily could feel how both Mr. Potter and James_ wanted_ to help. She had this fiery feeling that bubbled through her body whenever James or Sirius mentioned the death toll— reported in the _Daily Prophet_— at the breakfast table.

One night, the three were sitting in front of the mantle in the living room as they had developed a habit of doing after dinner. Sirius was lying on the ground; the pages of the morning's _Daily Prophet_ sprawled out around him. His eyes were closed and his breathing was deep and even. Lily studied him carefully as she had a habit of doing since the night after the attack. His hair was so long it reached his shoulders but it was messy and tangled because of how many times he refused to brush it. His chin had a thin coating of stubble on it that Sirius also refused to do anything about. When Lily mentioned that he should shave the other day he looked at her as if she had ten heads.

_Why?_

_It's not long enough to be a beard Sirius._

_Rubbish! I can grow it out._

_You never had one during school._

_They won't let me._

_It looks ridiculous! You look ragged and old— _

_—Which isn't a terrible thing. I'll shave before we go back, calm down Evans._

Lily had given up trying to convince him otherwise. She had been able to convince James to shave, though it didn't take much coaxing, just a lot of frustration.

_Are you going to keep your beard?_

_I can practically see quotations around beard. How do you like your man?_

_You aren't my man._

_Not yet I'm not. Answer my question._

_I did._

_Okay, I'm taking that as a yes._

_James, just shave it._

_So you like your man clean?_

_Merlin James! Yes! I like clean men! Just shave it damn it!_

_As you wish…_

James had shaved for Lily. James had taken the last shower every day so Lily wouldn't have to be last. James had let Lily ride on his broom, even though he very much wanted to. James let Lily sleep wherever she wanted. James was always with Lily.

It had unnerved Lily to know that James was there for her _all of the time_. No one had ever really done that for her. Whenever she needed something, James did it.

So that night, while they were sitting in front of the fire, Lily turned her gaze onto James. He was sitting on the floor in front of her with his head on his chest. His shoulders were moving just as rhythmically as Sirius's were. The hair on the back of his head was sticking up in odd tuffs because he was constantly running his hand through his hair. Lily, without a thought running through her brain, reached her hand out to touch his hair. It was silky and smooth, not like any other boy's hair that she touched. It seemed to bend under her touch but then stuck back up again. Lily started quietly laughing to herself.

"What's so funny?" James drawled sleepily.

Lily froze, her hand still playing with James's hair.

"That feels good," he muttered without turning around.

Lily took her hand away. "I thought you were asleep," she said by way of apology.

"I was, until I felt something interrupting me."

Lily could hear the grin in his voice. "I didn't mean to do that. It just sort of happened."

"Right."

They sat in silence for a minute; Lily was embarrassed and James was relishing Lily's embarrassment.

Three days after the attack, things had started to develop into a routine. Lily was no longer shaking from fear or crying about what happened. Instead, she was plotting with Sirius and James about ways to help. Mr. Potter came home from work at eight thirty every night and shared with the three what he learned, even though it was confidential. He figured it was better to be safe than to be sorry.

So, when Lily and James were sitting in silence and Sirius was sleeping on the floor, the door opened and Mr. Potter's heavy footsteps were heard in the kitchen. Lily could imagine his putting his cloak on a hook right next to the door, walking to the refrigerator and grabbing something to eat, then walking into the hallway down to where she and the two boys were sitting. Sirius had awakened when the door was slammed shut and was sitting in the rocking chair next to the fire when Mr. Potter entered the room.

Lily learned to really like Mr. Potter. He was the only one who could penetrate even a little of Mrs. Potter's cold front. He reminded her of James in the way he looked, if not acted. He had the same thick blackish, brownish hair that covered James's head and the glasses that were passed from father to son. His build was the same so James easily reached Mr. Potter's height. The only thing that was different about the two was their eye color. Mr. Potter had icy blue eyes that reminded Lily of winter, whereas James had his warm, bright hazel eyes that reminded her of warm autumn days.

"Kids, there's hope for us yet!" he exclaimed as he took a seat on the couch next to Lily.

At the arrival of Mr. Potter, Mrs. Potter came and stood in the doorway as quietly as a ghost.

"Word in the department is, is that Dumbledore is setting up a secret organization in which the goal is to overthrow the Dark Lord. Mad-Eye told me about it this morning. He was hinting that I should look more into it."

"And are you hinting that these children should join it if there is one?" Mrs. Potter spoke quietly, her teeth clenched together.

"I didn't say that. I only wanted them to know that there is some sort of hope."

"You are enticing them to join Robert! They are children for Merlin's sake! They haven't even finished school!"

"Mum, if there is a secret organization, I want to be a part of it! Can you please, just for a minute understand where I'm coming from?" James scowled from his position on the floor. When his mum didn't interrupt he deemed it safe to go on and continued, "I'm seventeen years old with a war that's raging on all around me. I witnessed a merciless murder with my own two eyes. I saw my house burn down with my friend who was seriously hurt. I knew that everyone in that house had a fifty-fifty chance to come out alive. If there is any way to stop that wouldn't you grab at that chance? I know I would, that's why I want to fight, Mum. I need to know that no matter what I do, it's going to help in the long run. No matter how small my actions are, they could indirectly save someone's life…or directly. I dunno Mum; this gut feeling inside of me wants me to do this no matter what. I'm sorry that it hurts you or stresses you or whatever, but it's my choice. I want to fight."

The crackling of the fire was the only noise that was heard after James's little speech. Lily glanced down at him and saw that his face was flushed with emotion. With a jolt, Lily realized that he had voiced exactly was she had been thinking and feeling. She snuck a look at Sirius before returning her attention to Mrs. Potter and saw he was nodding.

Mrs. Potter was still standing in the doorway, flinching as if every word James had said was a slap to the face. Mr. Potter got up and went over to her and held her as her floodgates opened and tears came pouring out.

"I know that's what you want James!" she wailed. "But you don't realize how hard it is to watch you plan and read the _Prophet _without knowing how big the war really is! It's effecting everyone and— oh James!"

James had heaved himself up as well and went over to hug his mother. "You have to let me Mum, please."

Mrs. Potter stopped crying instantly as if saying what James had said had been an off button. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve and held James out at arm's length. She raked her hazel eyes over her son's body trying to soak up every detail. "You have to understand that I'm not going to stop worrying or stressing. It's just part of being a mother. But another part of being a mother is learning to let her son go in the direction that he wants as long as the cause is just. James, please, _please_ don't fight every single battle." With that, she kissed James on the forehead and walked back out of the room.

Lily and Sirius exchanged glances, totally bemused as to what had just happened. So were James and his father for they walked back to their seats with dazed expressions.

"What were you saying about the secret organization?" Sirius interrupted the silence that had been drawn like a curtain over the group.

Mr. Potter drew himself back to the present; the glazed look in his eyes was melting away. "Ah, right! The organization is supposed to be led by Dumbledore himself. There is nothing concrete yet, but Mad-Eye was talking about it as if it were a rumor so I'm not a hundred percent sure."

"That's still something to hold onto," Lily pointed out.

Mr. Potter nodded. "We need all we can get."

"The paper said that Lucius Malfoy was dragged into a Hearing today?" James mentioned. "It was in the_ Prophet _this morning."

Mr. Potter looked surprised. "He was?"

Sirius threw a section of the paper to Mr. Potter who quickly scanned it.

"How the hell was he not convicted?!" Sirius asked after Mr. Potter was done.

Mr. Potter stared as Sirius. "He charms the Minister. He can never get in any trouble, the Minister just pulls him out of it," he answered wearily. "It's bloody ridiculous."

Lily was listening carefully to the boys talk. It was very suspicious that the Minister helped Lucius out, especially when the Minister was present during the attack at the Potter house and Malfoy was there. Lily was about to voice this aloud but something stopped her. She had no proof that the Minister had ever even _seen_Malfoy, who, by the way, had been wearing a mask the whole time. Lily sighed and kept this information to herself. She tucked it into a part of her brain where she stored her information.

"Anyway, I'm getting to bed. I've got a long day tomorrow. Don't stay up too late. G'night!" Mr. Potter shuffled out of the living room. Moments later they heard his bedroom door close quietly.

The remaining three sat in an excited silence. _They could fight._ Mrs. Potter wasn't standing in their way anymore. They just had to get through the last few months of school, but hell—_they could fight! _It was an incredible feeling to know that soon, they would be the ones in action, doing whatever was necessary to win this war. For now, that quenched their feelings and they were able to push that to the back of their minds. The decision had been made and that was enough for them.

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The second week of their vacation was slow going. It speededup only when Remus came to stay in the Potter cottage with everyone else. Thus, the small cottage got even smaller. They had nothing to entertain themselves with except Quidditch. They would play that for hours on end, two on two. Lily and James coaxed Sirius and Remus to play. Lily was surprised at how good both of them were.

"Why are you two so good?" she asked one time after they had gone inside for the night. They had played all afternoon, even after dinner.

"Once you have Prongs here for a friend, it's kind of hard not to get involved. That's all he bloody talks about," Sirius smirked.

"Do not!" James protested almost as if on cue.

"He also talks of girls," Remus suggested.

Lily tried to remain uninterested but she found her gaze wandering over to James. He was calmly sitting in his usual spot on the floor and didn't look like he was about to argue Remus's point. Something like fire rose up in Lily and flooded her brain. She found herself going through a list of all the girls he could possibly talk about. To her dismay, the list was longer than she had expected.

"What do you mean _girls_, Remus? It should be _girl_."

This time when Lily looked at James's face it was a deep crimson. She smiled to herself, she knew it was her. The fire had gone just as quickly as it had been sprung. Lily was confused to what the feeling was until Sirius kept talking.

"You make all the other girls jealous Prongs. Not fair mate, not fair." Sirius was grinning.

Oh. So that's what Lily was: jealous. As soon as Lily placed the feeling, she instantly denied it. James Potter and she were not together. He could talk about any goddamn girl that he wanted to.

"Let's stop talking about me in front of Lily. It might turn her on," James said easily. He was kidding and Lily knew it. She took her hand and gave James a good whack upside the head.

"Ouch! Evans that hurt!" James started rubbing the part of his head where Lily had smacked him. Lily glanced down at his face and saw that he was grinning widely. She couldn't help it, she grinned in spite of herself.

What the two failed to see were the looks that Remus and Sirius exchanged. They knew something that the other two didn't and it made them very happy indeed.

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School started on January second. The Hogwarts express had pulled into the station on time with a quiet whistle. Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus boarded the train each planning to sit next to each other. They found an empty compartment and settled their belongings there. While they waited for the trolley, Lily decided to take a walk. She promised the boys that she would ne right back. What surprised Lily was the fact that so few kids were on the trains. Only every other compartment was filled, and even rarer were the compartments filled completely.

The attacks the Death Eaters were constantly creating obviously were taking its toll on the wizarding population. Most parents were afraid to send their kids back to school, thus keeping them home. Lily could understand their motives but not their logic. It boggled her mind. She decided that she wouldn't dwell on it, as long as she was able to finish school. After that--well, she was able to fight.

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Somewhere in the depths of the Ministry of Magic, something far more sinister was taking place. Something that no one knew about and something that no one could stop. It would take place soon, but not soon enough. The Dark Lord was growing impatient and Lucius was doing all that he could to set the plan in action.

He hit the nearest wall in frustration, only bruising his knuckles which put him in an even worse mood than he had been in earlier. Suddenly he turned down a corridor he had never been down before. Something huge and glittering caught his eye. Before he could stop himself he went up to it.

_Perfect,_ he thought. He smiled for the first time in months and even managed a little chuckle. He carefully retraced his steps and walked back the way he had come. No, he would not disappoint the Dark Lord this time.


	22. A Day in The Life of an Auror

**Okay I know you all probably hate me right now for the extremely slow updates! I'm wicked sorry about that! School's started and the first few days are always ridiculously hetic. This chapter is totally different from all my other chapters, focusing more on the adults than the teens and it's a bit shorter than my other chapters, sorry about that as well. I don't know how it is so please give me some feedback. Thanks!**

**Disclamier: Don't own HP...all Rowling's.**

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It couldn't be said that Robbie Potter hated his job exactly, but it couldn't be said that he liked it either. It was more of a neutral feeling, like he only did his job because he felt he had no other choice. He felt that it was his duty. He felt that it was his obligation to help the war as best he could.

He shivered as he entered the Ministry of Magic. It was the end of January and the weather wasn't improving at any rate. It snowed nearly every day now and the temperature nerve rose any higher than thirty degrees. This morning was an especially cold one so ice had formed on the sidewalk. Robbie had been a person unfortunate enough to slip and fall, putting him in a rather testy mood.

_Thank Merlin it's warm in here_, Robbie thought, becoming somewhat happier as he gratefully loosened his grip on his traveling cloak. He worked his way through the crowd of people as they did their best to part for him. If anything, Robbie Potter commanded respect. Not because he was the biggest or the strongest Auror, but because he was almost as good as Mad-Eye Moody when it came to fighting Death Eaters. Robbie knew how to fight Death Eaters with one hand behind his back. He had been in this business for fifteen years and knew just about every trick of the trade, though he was much too modest to say that. People would often compliment him and he would nod and silently take the compliment, he would never elaborate.

Robbie knew that Death Eaters would do anything He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said or ordered and would do it without question. He knew that they could turn on each other with a simple flick of the wrist. He knew that they knew an extensive amount of dark magic and wouldn't think twice about using it. He also knew that Death Eaters were recruiting more and more witches and wizards every day.

Robbie heard it all over the Ministry: who had been captured, killed, recruited, or gone missing. There was no end to the list and only some of them came back. Some people, like Robbie, felt that they should divulge into every one of these witches and wizard's files and try to figure out what happened to them or where their bodies were in some cases.

If someone asked Robbie why he was still an Auror after all these years, Robbie might say that might be one reason. The other reason that he did it was for his wife and son. He wanted to world to be safe for them if naught for anyone else. He knew that if they were alright, he was alright. If anything ever happened to either one of them, Robbie had no clue what he would do. He figured that the most prominent way he could ensure their safety was if he could help get rid of all the Death Eaters, then finally, take down He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

The other witches and wizards in his department sympathized for him. He was the only person in the Auror department who had a wife _and_ a kid. That alone was to make most people feel some level of pity for him. When becoming an Auror it was advised by the Minister himself not to get married to get a girl pregnant. They could be used against the Aurors and place them in dangerous and even life-threatening situations. However, some witches and wizards did get married but very rarely did they ever have children. Times were too dark and threats too real. Death Eaters were infamous for holding grudges against anyone who got in their way and tried to stop them, especially Aurors. They would do whatever was necessary to get revenge and inflict as much damage and pain as possible. Using children to get to Aurors was nothing Death Eaters wouldn't do, thus Robbie Potter had more to lose. He had a wife _and_ a kid.

Robbie got into the elevator at the end of the main hallway and waited as other witches and wizards got in. As the elevator stopped at every level, people got out and even more came in. At one point it was so crowded that Robbie could smell the breath of the person next to him and tried not to show his disgust. A cool voice seeped through the ceiling and the walls, calling out at every floor. The woman's voice never failed to soothe Robbie. When she called out his floor Robbie waded through the people and got out. He was the only one in the elevator to get out on this floor.

The corridor was quiet, people scurried along looking through or shuffling the papers in their hands. Some people looked up and muttered a "Hello Potter" or "'Morning Robbie." Their faces were drawn and serious. You rarely found anyone smiling nowadays. Robbie nodded politely back, his mind on other things—like the amount of paperwork that was currently piling up on his desk. Robbie ran his hand through his hair, a trait that his son had up on by the age of eleven. When Robbie saw James do that it always brought a little smile to his face.

He took a right turn into his little office towards the end of the corridor. He shared his office with Kingsley Shacklebolt, someone who was assigned to him and he had to help train him. Kingsley was sitting at his desk with a cup of coffee in his right hand and writing with a quill in his left.

"G'morning Robbie," Kingsley said without looking up from whatever he was writing.

"Morning," Robbie answered quietly. He walked to his desk and sat down heavily. Their office was spacious like all the other offices in the Auror department; the stained wood paneling was still continued in their office. It rose to the ceiling on three sides of the box-shaped room. Robbie's desk was opposite Kingsley's and was piled with papers. They rose in stacks that were in danger of falling at any given moment. They were stacked on his desk, on his chair, sticking out of filing cabinets, and were even piled on the floor. Kingsley was more organized, not a pack rat like Robbie, and hadn't been on the job as long to gather that many papers. Kingsley had become an Auror this year, having graduated Hogwarts four years ago. Their office was composed of two extremes.

"Anything immediate?" Robbie asked as he pushed the papers on his chair to the floor.

"Mad-Eye put a notice in your inbox," Kingsley said. The scratching of his quill stopped as he watched Robbie open the rolled up piece of parchment.

Robbie unfurled the note and grabbed his glasses from his desk draw. He jammed them onto his nose and tried to decipher Mad-Eye's wretched handwriting.

_Potter, report to me as soon as you get in. We might have a lead on Rodolphus Lestrange, the man who supposedly killed Alfred MacDonald. Don't tell Shacklebolt where you're going, he's wanted to follow up on this case for a month._

Robbie finished reading the note then rolled it back up and shoved it into his robes. He didn't want Kingsley to find it by accident.

"I've got to report to Mad-Eye," Robbie explained after seeing Kingsley's clouded expression.

Robbie got up and walked out of the office. Mad-Eye was the head of the Auror department so his office was in the furthest section of the whole floor. That meant the Robbie had to travel for seven minutes before he reached Mad-Eye's office. He knew that it was exactly seven minutes because he had been to that office so many time that he actually counted it once. Robbei rapped three times on the door when he got there. Moments later Mad-Eye growled, "Enter," and Robbie walked in.

Mad-Eye's office was exactly what you'd expect the Head of the Auror's office to look like. It was full of wanted posters of Death Eaters who had been identified and some who had been caught. It had dark magic detectors and other objects that related to dark magic. They all whirred, buzzed, twittered, spun—did some kind of movement or made some kind of noise. Robbie doubted that they all worked so he was always surprised that Mad-Eye kept them all.

"Ah, Potter, I was hoping that you'd be here soon." Mad-Eye turned his gaze towards Robbie who smiled back.

"Came as soon as I got your note."

Mad-Eye's magical eye spun lazily around. Mad-Eye's eye had never unnerved Robbie like it had most witches and wizards. In fact, Robbie always kind of wished he had an eye like Mad-Eye's; it would be amazingly helpful, especially in a fight.

"How are things at home?"

"Wife's being driven up a bloody wall with this whole war. James wants to fight." Robbie pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "I told him he could fight."

"Good," growled Mad-Eye. His eyes flashed and there were several indents and scars in his face where it had been blasted by curses. "You'll never quench the thirst to fight unless you let him. He's a good lad, brilliant at magic. If anyone will make it through this war alive it will be your boy."

Mad-Eye never failed to make Robbie feel better about any decision he was making and unsure of whether or not it was the right one. Mad-Eye never lied so Robbie knew that he meant what he said.

"Thanks, Mad-Eye," Robbie said somewhat relieved.

"Now that that's cleared out of the way we have serious business to attend to. We have a new lead on Lestrange. We're going to check out the abonanded house that we checked in on last week. It seems that we weren't through enough," Mad-Eye scowled. "A witch by the name of Jasmine Fletcher claimed to have seen the green flash of the killing curse as she walked by that house one night. We have to go check it out again."

Robbie nodded and ran back out of the office to grab his cloak and other assorted materials.

"Meet me outside," Mad-Eye growled behind him.

Robbie ignored Kingsley's inquires about where he was going and swept out of the office just as quickly as he had been there. He was practically jogging, eager as he was to hunt down the new lead. He was outside in less than five minutes.

"Took you long enough," Moody grumbled.

Robbie rolled his eyes and turned on the spot. The world twisted and turned and spun and flew as Robbie Apparated. Within seconds he was standing outside an old abandoned mansion. It had been searched loads of times by the Ministry but no evidence had been produced.

They passed it off as unexplainable and hadn't bothered looking in to it any further. Thus, the news of magic happening inside it sprung new interest and instantly caught Mad-Eye's attention.

Mad-Eye arrived on the scene moments after Robbie and stared up the walk with a second glance or even a word in Robbie's direction. Robbie didn't mind, he was used to this sort of behavior from Mad-Eye. Anyone else he would have said something but Mad-Eye wasn't like most other people.

They arrived at the front steps. Robbie cautiously went up them; they looked rotted and had several holes in them. He was surprised when they didn't snap like a twig when he stepped on them. He took a good look at the house and wondered why anyone—Death Eater or no—would want to even hide out here. He seriously doubted that the foundation could support the rest of the house. He would have to watch out.

He followed Mad-Eye into the house, wand held tightly in his outstretched in his hand.

"Take upstairs," Mad-Eye said quietly. He was nearly incapable of whispering.

The old mansion was huge and frankly, was giving Robbie goose bumps. Ever step he took made the whole house shudder. Every creak and odd noise made Robbie's heart beat a little faster and his breathing go a little shallower. He swallowed and silently cursed himself for being set off at every little sound.

They passed it off as unexplainable and hadn't bothered looking in to it any further. Thus, the news of magic happening inside it sprung new interest and instantly caught Mad-Eye's attention.

Mad-Eye arrived on the scene moments after Robbie and stared up the walk with a second glance or even a word in Robbie's direction. Robbie didn't mind, he was used to this sort of behavior from Mad-Eye. Anyone else he would have said something but Mad-Eye wasn't like most other people.

They arrived at the front steps. Robbie cautiously went up them; they looked rotted and had several holes in them. He was surprised when they didn't snap like a twig when he stepped on them. He took a good look at the house and wondered why anyone—Death Eater or no—would want to even hide out here. He seriously doubted that the foundation could support the rest of the house. He would have to watch out.

He followed Mad-Eye into the house, wand held tightly in his outstretched in his hand.

"Take upstairs," Mad-Eye said quietly. He was nearly incapable of whispering.

The old mansion was huge and frankly, was giving Robbie goose bumps. Ever step he took made the whole house shudder. Every creak and odd noise made Robbie's heart beat a little faster and his breathing go a little shallower. He swallowed and silently cursed himself for being set off at every little sound.

The old house was dark and quiet. The constant drip of water from a rusted pipe could be heard from somewhere down a hallway. Robbie wasn't exactly keen on finding out. He walked into what he assumed was a bedroom seeing as it was on the second floor. Most of the windows were boarded or broken, letting no light in. The water dripping was louder here.

"Lumos!" Robbie whispered roughly.

He shone his light over the room. He had been right, it was a bed room. There was a four poster bed in the middle of the room. Spider webs and cobwebs hung over it making it look like the least inviting place to sleep. The quilt was moth-eaten and had more holes than thread. It was lumpy like more pillows than the ones near the headboard were tucked in the bed. He ignored that for the moment and continued his sweep around the room. The capret was thin and threadbare. There was designed molding on the walls and several cracked or broken mirrors.

Robbie walked closer towards the room where the water was dripping from. It was a small bathroom that seemed too small for the size of the bedroom it harbored. Robbie saw that the mirror in there was broken just like the ones in the bedroom. He raked his wand over the bathtub and froze. Without warning he whipped around and threw up right in the toilet.

What he saw made even the great Robbie Potter loose his breakfast.

"MAD-EYE!" Robbie bellowed when he regained the use of his voice. He knew he was breaking the code not to yell: he was supposed to use his wand to communicate.

Mad-Eye was upstairs in minutes.

"It better be good Potter for you break protocol like—" Mad-Eye stopped mid-sentence. "Well, this changes things doesn't it."


	23. Are You Serious?

**WOW! Oh god has it been a looooooong time since I've even thought about touching this story. Two whole years. Oh jeez. I was just gonig through it the other day and was trying to think of someway to save it so I decided that I would give another crack at it. And anyone who has kept up with the story previously might want to kill me or physically hurt me but that's okay. I thought that it would just be better to abandon this story all together but ever since then it's been kind of nagging me so I pulled it out today and found that continuing to write it has been way easier than I expected so I don't know. **

**At any rate I just figured that I would keep writing this story again, as much for my benefit. Hopefully my writing hasn't gotten any suckier or anything.**

**Disclaimer: Allll of HP belongs to J.. **

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**CHAPTER 23**

"Look at this." Alice sat down across from Lily where she was reading a book and eating her breakfast.

Lily put her book aside and glanced at Alice quickly, noting how grave she looked, before looking down at the paper that Alice had shoved under her nose. It was the _Daily Prophet_, with a huge picture of the Minister of Magic waving at the photographer. The headline read: "**MINISTER OF MAGIC DEAD**!"

Lily let out a gasp of surprise as she unfolded the newspaper and started to read the article:

"_Yesterday afternoon, two Aurors (who wished to remain unknown), were tracing the lead of a well-known Death Eater, __Rodolphus Lestrange. They followed the lead to an abandoned manor house outside of Surrey and went inside to investigate. When one of the Aurors went into an upstairs bathroom, he found the Minister lying in the bathtub, blood splattering the walls. His tongue had been cut out and his wand taken. It was said that Lestrange had put the Imperious Curse on the Minister just hours before the Minister was due into work without anybody's notice. However, when the Minister refused to show up for work yesterday morning, Aurors were dispatched to the old manor house to check of magic that had been reported being seen there the other day. When asked to comment, the Minister's Sectary, Cornelius Fudge, said, 'It is a most horrible and devastating thing to happen in such a dark and dreadful time. Let the witches and wizards of the magical world to not give up hope yet, but to use the Minister's death as fuel for fighting the war.' Story continued on page 9."_

Lily looked up at Alice who was watching her carefully.

"You do realize how many people are going to panic now, don't you?" Lily folded up the paper and returned it to Alice.

Alice nodded. "I saw at least four kids being sent to the Great Hall earlier, with their trunks packed and traveling cloaks on," she said, spooning oatmeal onto her plate. "Parents are pulling their kids out faster than you can say Hogwarts. I'm surprised that Mary's mother is letting her come back—her cousins aren't."

"When is Mary coming back?" Remus, along with Sirius and James came and sat down next to Lily and gathered their plates up with food.

"Next week," Alice replied glumly.

Everything about the castle had been glum. People rarely smiled anymore and if they did, it was a half-hearted one without any real meaning behind it. The students stuck to themselves, keeping friend close. Everyone was suspicious of someone else and the halls could often be heard with the echo of a soft whisper from one person to the next. The teachers had let up some with regards to schoolwork because they themselves were so busy helping out with the war.

"Well, Peter isn't coming back," Sirius said with a scowl on his face as he buttered some toast. "His mum reckons that it's safer to stay at home than to come to school and be under Dumbledore's protection. Bloody ridiculous."

"I'm guessing you two have heard about the Minister?" James asked glancing at the paper Alice had folded under her plate.

Lily nodded. "People are giving up hope fast. Who is going to replace him as Minister now?"

"My dad said that it's probably going to be Fudge. Dumbledore won't take the job and no one else wants it." James sighed. "I hate seeing everyone look so sad and lost all of the time."

"Me too," Lily agreed. She set aside her book, finished her glass of pumpkin juice, and then got up. "I'm going to the library. I'll see you guys later."

She had no sooner made it to the Great Hall to find James calling her name and telling her to wait up. Lily paused at the beginning of the Great Staircase to watch with some amusement, James jogging so as not to keep her waiting.

"Yes?" Lily asked, starting to walk up the stairs, James right beside her.

"Well, as much fun as the library sounds, I can think of several other things that would make a better Saturday then the one you are having right now."

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I think you deserve a day away from everything." James caught Lily's eyes and grinned a very boyish grin that reminded Lily of the grin he always wore, right before he was to pull a prank.

"What do you mean?" she asked slowly, a grin started to transform her features too.

"Just come along with me…"

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If someone asked Lily Evans last year why she would be breaking hundreds of school rules just to hang out in Hogsmade with James Potter for the day, she would have no flipping idea. However, that's just where she found herself.

James had showed her a secret passageway behind an old witch with a hump on the fourth floor and had showed her the famed Marauders' Map that he and the other three boys had created.

Lily could not believe her eyes when she saw the map. "You created that!" She exclaimed. "That must have taken loads of magic that you couldn't have learned just here in scho—"

She was cut off by James smirking and covering her mouth with his hand. "You aren't the only person who reads books Miss Evans." And had ducked inside the witch, leaving Lily no choice but to follow. The passageway was cold and long, the only light coming from James's wand.

Just as Lily was about to ask how much longer the tunnel went on for, James stopped abruptly, making a motion to Lily to remain silent. From above, Lily could hear the voice of a man, singing loudly to himself. His voice sounded strangely like—

"We are under Honeydukes," James breathed as Mr. Honeyduke's voice became more and more distant. "Here, before we go out get under this with me."

Lily eyed the cloak that James had gotten from his bag and proceeded to drape it around him. "I'm perfectly fine with the cloak I've got on," Lily protested quietly.

"Yeah, but can your cloak make you invisible?" James laughed as Lily lit her wand and ran its light over James. All that could be seen of him was his head—floating in midair.

"But…what…? How is that possible…?" Lily's mouth had dropped as she walked around James in the damp tunnel. "The cloak has made you totally invisible!"

"I know, so are you going to get under it or not?" James held it up for Lily.

"Where did you get it?" Lily demanded, not making any movement toward James. "Did you steal it or something? Look, I don't know if this is such a good idea. There's still time to turn back."

"No, I did _not _steal it, Lily Evans. I got it from my father. Now, can you please stop being such a goody-two shoes and just stay here with me? You need a break from all the bad feelings at the castle."

Lily looked at James, studying his face for a moment, then smiled slightly. "I think this is for your benefit more than mine."

James grabbed onto Lily's hand. "Please? I want to be with you." His eyes held almost a wild desperation in them. "You help me forget the world for a little while."

Lily wavered, one foot in the air pointing in the direction of the castle. Something in James's expression was so genuine and truthful that Lily sighed and gave him a resigned smile. "Fine, you win. But if we get caught I'm so blaming you."

James laughed then turned serious. "Thank you Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes, but nevertheless started blushing. "So are we going to get out of here or what?"

"Let's go." James made sure that both of their bodies were completely hidden underneath the cloak before he ventured going up out the trapdoor and into the shop part of Honeydukes. The air was warm here and instantly brought a flush to Lily's cheeks.

Once they were outside Lily shivered slightly. Snow was falling on the ground and Hogsmade looked bleak and uninviting. The streets were empty of people. Posters of wanted Death Eaters hung on most of the shops and a lot of them were boarded up.

"Where are we going?" Lily asked James as he pulled her in a direction.

"The Three Broomsticks."

"People will recognize us there though, won't they?"

"There aren't too many people out so I wouldn't worry about it." James looked around. "Everything is deserted anyway."

When the two had made it to the Three Broomsticks, they took off the cloak, which James stuffed in his bag, then walked inside. The pub was nearly empty, save for a warlock sitting at the bar and goblins occupying one table in the far corner.

James led Lily to a booth and called a waitress over to take their orders. Before the waitress could walk away James asked, "Where is Madame Rosmerta?"

"She's on leave; her husband was admitted to Saint Mungo's two weeks ago, but he's finally starting to heal." The waitress then left them to go and get their butterbeers.

"The damn war effectes everyone!" James shook his head as his light eyes turned dark and he stared at Lily intently, as if trying to memorize every line and angle of her face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Lily finally asked softly.

"I'm trying to figure out why people think I am so hopeless when it comes to you."

This was nothing that Lily had been expected and her eyes narrowed in confusion. "What?"

"It could be your beautiful looks," James mused, ignoring Lily, still studying her with that intense stare. His eyes seemed to go through her. "And people don't think I should deserve someone as pretty as you. It could be your brains, because you are smarter than me. Or your personality. Your sweet nature maybe? It could be because we are so different."

The waitress came with their butterbeers and set them down on the table.

Lily looked away from James. "I can't answer that question any better than you can." She noticed that her hands were shaking and grasped her warm butterbeer to hide that fact.

"But I don't think I'm really all that hopeless though." Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw that James had started to grin. "I think that you might be starting to like me. _A lot._"

Lily finally turned to face him head on. His smile was still there, but it was his crooked one, and his confidence didn't quite reach his eyes. Although his posture was relaxed, his hands told Lily otherwise. They were balled into fists.

The silence seemed to stretch as Lily struggled with a way to answer his statement. If she told him a flat-out no, she could very well ruin the relationship that the two had started to share. And at any rate she would just be lying to herself as well as to James.

"What if I told you that you were right?" Lily asked. Her finger was tracing circles around the rim of her glass. She couldn't quite meet his eye. Lily had no clue where all of this was suddenly coming from. "What if I told you that I just might be falling for you?"

James looked at her, the grin wiped off of his face. "Are you serious?"

Lily made eye contact and saw that James's face was an open book, not the normally controlled emotions that she was used to. It was vulnerable and honest and one that Lily found herself liking a lot.

"I—Yes. I'm serious."


End file.
